Why, Why, Why not just say "no"?

[khatzeen]

This is more geared to the females of the forum but i would appreciate any input. Why are women afraid to say "no i'm not interested."? I spent 2 in a half weeks trying to court this woman (we had a date but she canceled). I wasn't calling her but twice a week. I finally caught on when she kept saying she was busy. I would have respected her more if she just said she didn't think of me in that way rather than an excuse. And on another note, why set a date if you are just going to cancel it anyway?

If this sounded like a rant/complaint i'm sorry. I'm just frustrated. While i'm on the subject, are there any phrases or code words that women use to signal there not interested? im dense when it comes to understanding the female psyche.

[sera300]

I don't say yes, if I am interested. If I cancel it's b/c something really bad happened or I am ill. Why do women do these things? B/c they are immature and do not know how to say "No, thanks". And I believe some may not like to hurt feelings face to face.

[Westles]

Originally Posted by khatzeen

are there any phrases or code words that women use to signal there not interested? im dense when it comes to understanding the female psyche.

Yeah, that there constantly busy lol

[khatzeen]

lol nice. So Sera how do you say "yes" if you don't actually say "yes"? I misinterpreted a friend's signals and i'd rather not make that mistake again lol.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by khatzeen

lol nice. So Sera how do you say "yes" if you don't actually say "yes"? I misinterpreted a friend's signals and i'd rather not make that mistake again lol.

We say yes in other words such as; "I'd love to", "sounds like a plan", "I look forward to it", "thanks so much for asking"...

[EvilEvilKitten]

Guys, it is that whole "not wanting to appear a slut" thing as well as "not wanting to hurt his feelings" thing. These two tend to affect younger women more than us older women. Clear signals for 'yes' would be if she touches you, stays close to you, or suggests an alternative date should she have to cancel. Clear signals 'no" would be she ignores you, she moves away every time you come near, doesn't touch you, and she doesn't suggest an alternative when she cancels. But I'd say wait until her signals are not only clear but forceful- as in her grabbing you by the front of your shirt and kissing you vigorously. (not that I do that............often).

[Printer2]

its really not that complicated. If you call her for a date, and she never answers, then she's not interested. If she says she's busy, unless she really has a good excuse, then she's not interested. Read between the lines.

[cyclefreak]

The indirectness of it all is so frustrating though. Everything seems to be done by giving coded signals. Its a damn silly charade. I really don't see what is wrong with a woman saying no if she is not interested.

But, alas, that doesn't seem to be how women are, so the guessing game continues.

[cyclefreak]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Clear signals for 'yes' would be if she touches you, stays close to you......

But I'd say wait until her signals are not only clear but forceful- as in her grabbing you by the front of your shirt and kissing you vigorously. (not that I do that............often).

Well, I met a woman at a party who gave me all those signals. There was lots of eye contact, she kept touching me on the arm when she spoke to me, and we eventually ended up kissing passionately.

I went out with her, more conversation, she told me that she wanted to go out with me again, and at the end of the date we kissed VERY passionately (like WOW!).

Clear signs of interest, right?

Well, the next day she rang me up to say that she really wasn't interested in me after all, and she was sorry that she gave me the wrong impression.

It turned out that she was involved with another guy, who she was crazy about, but who was trying to break off with her. All the time she was giving me those signals, she was really thinking of this other guy.

So before anyone jumps in and says that it is my fault (like its always the guys fault) for misreading the signals, sometimes it is a fact that women send out false and misleading signals. If we get it wrong sometimes, then so do they.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Cycle, true, some women do send out mixed signals, but that is a warning sign that the lady is not suitable. When you get mixed signals, you avoid any further contact with her and move on.