Boyfriend having problems about the past

[sccgirl]

Hey new to this and need sum advice.
My bf is having doubts about our relationship because he is uncomfortable with the fact that he lost his virginity to me and i lost mine about a year earlier to one of his friends, i was 15 wen i lost mine after being with this guy for 5 months and my bf was 17 and had never even kissed another girl. I only had sex with my ex once but we did have more sexual experiences with each other, my bf really hates the thought of me with another guy and i understand where he is coming from. He is a really great guy and we really dont want to break up but its getting quite serious now because my ex is still a friend and is always around us, it really does eat away at my bf.

The sexual experiences that i had with my ex were terrible, he manipulated me into having sex and made me feel guilty wen i didnt want to, he dumped me for one of my friends a short time after we had sex, he was a jerk and now i understand that he was just using me, i really dont know why i was ever with him because he is so arrogant, my bf just cant believe that i ever went that far with him, he didnt know that i wasnt a virgin until about 2 months after we had been goin out.
Now i really enjoy sex and it is so much more intimate, it really does feel like making love, i have told my bf all of this and he understands but he really does hate it sometimes and cant get over it becuase he says that it makes him look like a fool.
What more can i do or say to my bf, i really love him and his is great but this is our only problem. I feel really guilty that i didnt save myself for him or at least anything and regret losing my virginity to someone i didnt love.

I really need some advice. Thanks

[sera300]

Past sexual history is irrelevant and should not be discussed. But it happened, so be it. He will adjust, it's life, we all have a history just don't bring it up and tell him how much he means to you. The rest is up to him.

Words of advice; in the future NEVER discuss it again with anyone and don't ask!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Agreed, your past is none of his business as his is none of yours.
Sex and love are NOT the same things. Stop confusing the two.
So you had sex before. BFD. Most people have, according to a recent government (US) survey, by age 14 and 9 months.
If he cannot let this go; take experienced advice and let him go. No one needs to live with someone who is jealous or possessive.

BTW why are you still friends with 'the jerk'?

[sccgirl]

erm is there any other advice apart from just sayin 'the past is in the past' or 'just dump him' cos i really dont agree with it, i understand wot he means and i need sum practical advice summink i can do that will make things better between us cos i want to be with him.
Im still 'friends' with the jerk because all my friends like him for sum reason and i just cant get rid of him.

[Godiva]

In all honesty, I am in a similar situation, except my boyfriend is not jealous or possessive like yours is. He doesn't care what I have done in the past because I can't go back and change it.

Well, I agree with the previous people that have posted. The practical thing to do is to end the relationship if he can't get over something that is not your fault and that you can't change. He is the one with the problem in this situation. He has to get over it himself. If he chooses not to, then it is most likely just going to get worse. He will always feel insecure, and he will always make you feel guilty (when you shouldn't).

(My boyfriend is here with me and suggested that you have a serious chat with your boyfriend about how what's in the past is in the past. However, if he doesn't change, you should really end the relationship.)

[HardNgood]

Originally Posted by sccgirl

erm is there any other advice apart from just sayin 'the past is in the past' or 'just dump him' cos i really dont agree with it, i understand wot he means and i need sum practical advice summink i can do that will make things better between us cos i want to be with him.
Im still 'friends' with the jerk because all my friends like him for sum reason and i just cant get rid of him.

I'm sure if you hang around here long enough, someone will post EXACTLY what will make you FEEL BEST and what you WANT to hear. So in the mean time you can continue to ignore the savvy advice Sera and Eek just gave you. Your friends may like him...but they don't have to date him...anyways, I'm sure someone will come along and give you the "feel good" response.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop being a 'patsy'. Just tell him "Deal with it or I'm gone." Same thing with your 'friends' and 'the jerk'. Grow some ovaries and stand up for yourself.

[Brandye]

Evil is right on and in the future, do not expose more than you wish. At some point there is an assumption that each has a "past." Unless there is some disease involved, everything else is irrelevant and none of his business.