Everybody I need your help!

[JustHavingFun]

Ok me and my boyfriend have been going out for 5 months and we argue every once in a while but what couple doesn’t, well when we first started going out he said he had sex with only 2 girls, then a few weeks ago it was 3 girls, then just last night he said he had sex with another ex after he swore up and down he never did. He promised after the first time he would start just telling the truth, but that didn’t work so we got into the biggest argument ever, by the way the third girl he told me about he said the only reason he didn’t tell me was because he forgot… PLEASE!!! Anyway, we made up and everything was fine but now it feels weird around him and we’re having little arguments about the stupidest things… PLEASE HELP ME! I don’t want to break up with him and he doesn’t want to break up with me but something has got to happen I cant take a relationship of little arguments all the time, this was just last night and I don’t want it to progress to day after day ya know? HELP!!!!

[sera300]

Stop arguing over idiotic issues. The past is the past. Who cares if he slept w/100 women and forgot about 25 of them? These are issues which are destructive and non-productive. Sexual history is personal and should be kept personal, it has no bearing on your relationship. There are more post on this board about how many partners my bf/gf had, why he/she lied about it, etc. Simply put, it's none of your business. I would never discuss this with a man and I don't want him to discuss it w/me. When the subject is broached, I just say it's my personal business and has no bearing on our relationship.

You have to look at why you argue and what it's over. If you cannot get over the small things in life, guaranteed you will not make it through real issues in life. This is just nonsense stuff.

[JustHavingFun]

thanks, but i know he cares about me and really loves me but he really doesnt show it, like he tells me he does... and i cant help but think he cheats, i'm not pretty i dont think i am but he says i'm beautiful and thats what makes me think maybe he is cheating on me with someone prettier... how do i get over that he isnt because he looked me in the eyes and said he would never do that... but i just dont belive him

[sera300]

You have to realize it's your insecurity. And if you love him you have to trust him. Is it making your relationship better by questioning him? NO! There comes a point where you have to believe and you have to trust. If he did not think you are pretty he would not be with you. There are always those drop dead gorgeous women out there, but it means nothing. He is with you and you have to have confidence in yourself otherwise you will drive him away.

Is not believing him making it better? NO! Has he give you any reason to believe he is cheating? Or are you just using your own insecurity to conjure it? Have to take a leap of faith! You are driving yourself crazy (and probably him too)!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Insecurity makes women crazy and they, in turn, drive their men away. If you do not want this to happen - then STOP. Remember that while there are prettier, younger, etc etc etc women out there - there is NO ONE EXACTLY LIKE YOU. If you continue to let this fear of yours rule you - you will lose him.

Next, he has a past - so what? So do you. So does everyone else. Get over it.


Great advice, sera!!

[JustHavingFun]

thanks guys that adive really helped and he noticed the difference..

but now theres a bigger problem...
i think he doesnt want sex anymore
he's normally the one thats always like "lets go to my house, or lets make love"
lately its me and when he says okay he sounds like he doesnt really want too..

[sera300]

Perhaps he is just becoming accustomed to being turned down and rather not show his disappointment, no one likes that feeling. Maybe you have to put a bit of extra effort into accommodating his wants & needs, get yourself in the mood!

He does not want sex? Or he does not want to be turned down again?

Thanks Evil.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Do you approach him with joy and zest or is it more like "well, you know, wanna?" - if its the latter, I can understand his not being all joyous and eager. If there are trust issues, then he may never again be all joyous and eager. If you have been slamming him and dragging him over the coals, then he may just leave. And what have we been telling you?

So now: let him know you want him as he is - and not as you have been trying to make him.



You're welcome, sera.

[daydreamer]

A mistake that people make at times is we somehow forget that everyone has a past and find ourselves surprised to hear that our present loved one has been with others....if you have been making a big deal out of his past encounters that may be his turn-off now. Remember, dwelling in the past keeps one from living in the present and denies one of a future. Try seeing him for who he is now with you and not what or who he did way back when. I wish you all the best.
Take care,

daydreamer

[Chino]

I think there was some good advice with regards to the insecurity and relationship issues and such...so I'll stay out of that.

With regards to the number...very few guys actually know for sure how many women they've been with...even the virgins are confused they've lied so much.

Guys lie NON-STOP about "how many" to the point where even they don't know what to believe. When we're young, we usually go about double the real total to guys and half the real total to girls. Seems simple until you actually do sleep with another girl or two. What then? Do you add them on to your fake totals? Do you use them to correct some of the "inaccuracies" of your previous total...so if challenged you can name names?

So, as these other ladies mentioned previously, your going to have to let go of "how many" because it'll always be fake...or false...or inaccurate.