long distance break up

[kpodo]

my gilfriend and i have been trying a long distance relationship since the new year started. she went back to finish college and i told her that if we made it through the next two years i would marry her. she was supposed to move back her after she finished but since she has been back she says she is happy there and thinks she will stay. her family is there and its where she grew up and i understand that. i know alot ccan happen in two years but im 34 and i told her i didnt think i could wait two years without any garauntee she will move back. i cant move there and she knows this. i love her but i got to let her go. my problem is how do we stay friends. should we? we will both move but what happens when one of us gets in another relationship? should we not talk or just deal with it? we truley are great friends so this really sucks. what should i do???? btw blades of glory is funny as hell!!!!

[sera300]

Uhmmm....yes, you can stay friends just chat and try not to let the deep emotions you have for each other get into everyone of your conversations. Sometimes talking briefly and giving it a few months, allows each to move on without feeling guilty or anticipating the next phone call. Face it, you both will date other's and if those people don't live up to your expectations you will look at the relationship again and fall back on the other. You have to define the friendship. How will you feel if you have another woman who seems nice at your place and all of a sudden she calls to say hi? What if you're going out on a date or the other ways (she is) what are you going to say when she asks what you are up to? Know how to work through this part.

Give it space, date other's, stay friends, keep the deep emotions out when your relationship changes to friends....and don't forget life changes! You never know where the two of you will end up in the future! But unless you try you will never know.

[kpodo]

we broke up before over stupid crap for about 4 months. she started dating another guy and i started running around again. i always wanted her back and when i found out she was with somebody else i got her back. my problem is i know she is the type of girl who needs to be held and im not there to do it. i dont want to drive myself crazy down here wondering whats up ya know? i prayed on it today so i hope that helps

[sera300]

Just let it go. Don't get into the personal stuff, avoid it. After ending a 2 1/2 year engagement, he & I parted friends. At first we were the other's support and then began to get into discussing the feelings of deep love we still had for the other. We had similar values and goals--just different priorities.

I know he began dating other's (since we broke up) he did not have to tell me, and I was also dating other's. When he dropped me an e-mail (Friday) that he was leaving today for vacation with his girlfriend it was too much information. Although I knew he was involved w/another it just drove the spike in and damn it; it hurt, probably why I am still up at 2:15 in the am.

My point is; no need to exchange this info. with each other. You may be friends but remember you are also still in love and it many ways it hurts. It's a different friendship, not the same one you will have with other women b/c of the deep feelings.

Good luck!

[kpodo]

i guess i knew we in for some struggles when she left. we had a trip to cali planned for a month that we went on last weekend and i knew it was probably a break up afterwards. she told me first that she thought we had taken our relationship as far as it could go and after a couple of days i agreed. after she left she needed alot of attention from me and i gave i to her. i didnt realize it but i started giving her too much and i turned into that guy calling ALL the time. the night before the trip she went out with friends from work and got too drunk and never called me. well i freaked out and called everybody trying to find her and it was then that i realized what i was turning into to. i cant do it anymore. THATS probably why IM up at 1 30am

[sera300]

Yeap...you see the "writing on the wall" but we don't like to give into it although we know where it's heading because we love the other person! The best I can say, try to go on with your life; you are both at different points in life, better to realize it now then to find out a year from now! Just keep boundaries on what you discuss.

[kpodo]

it sucks because she is the first girl ive ever been in love with and we are being forced to end it. i'd almost rather been cheated on so i could shut the book and move on easy. now somebody else gets her by default. damn this sucks. how long did it take you and your x?

[sera300]

How long did it take us for what?

[kpodo]

to officially move back into the friend zone.

[sera300]

It took about 5 months and some distance (not speaking). Initially we spoke daily, it was as if we were still a couple. Then after a few weeks I think we both realized we needed some distance in order to move forward. It was just a few weeks ago he dropped me an e-mail, and called a few times. All seemed good between us talking and chatting until he dropped his "news". It difficult one for the reason I stated, at times there is too much info. given. I really did not need to know he was leaving for St. Croix on vacation w/his "girlfriend" it just hurts. We split in the end of October 2006--had wedding plans for December of '06. I find it a bit ironic he has jumped back into a serious relationship so fast and makes me question how much he really cared. I have dated since but not fallen in love nor searched out a serious relationship--just casually dated and have become so disgusted with dating that I don't want to waste my time. The last thing I want is a relationship. I do not understand how you go from still wanting to spend your life with someone in November to having a serious love in March. Enough of my mumbo jumbo.