She needs space after a rough 1st year! Is it too late??

[Mavrick23]

So this is the deal........I am 24 and she is 19 and in college. We started dating on new years day of 06! She was in a relationship that had been dragged on way too long and was going nowhere at the time we met. We started dating and things were great! ALong the way we have had our fair share of problems. I lost my job over a drug addiction(that i hid from her for several months) and meanwhile she was still talking to other guys who she either had a past with or who would jump on the opportunity to be with her. Like me she wasnt being honest about them. We have had our share of fights but have made it through on love! I have a raging temper and although i dont physically abuse her I often verbally abuse her which I know from personal experience can be just as bad!
(Inherited from my father) Now here we are 1 year and 3 months later and we get along fine 99% of the time but that 1% can be rough(TRUST ISSUES FROM THE PAST & MY TEMPER) I have been making an effort to controll my temper and trust her and so has she. In my mind I am at a point were I know i want to stay together and build a life with her! We can work through anything life throws at us it seems! She on the other hand has had mixed feelings about our future and wants to take some time to do our own things and try to see if that is what she really wants! After all we have been through I understand totally but at the same time am scared to lose her. She is scared too!The unknown!!! I did alot of traveling and living before we met but she was fresh out of school. She planned a trip to cancun with her girlfreind and the closer we get to her going the harder it gets and as a result. We both have been getting along better than ever.Kind of holding tight and realizing why we have stayed together. Im confused on what to make of all this. Should she still go. Do I wait on her too return. Hope for the best. Is that even fair to ask me to do? HELP US!!!!!!!!!!!

[sera300]

If she planned a trip to Cancun, she should go. If she feels you both need time apart, give it to her. Do you wait? I she is in Cancun, yes since it's just a vacation. If it's time apart, you go on and "date" other's, nothing involved and so does she. You have to allow her time to find out what she wants for her life. Many times, serious couples split for a few months, only to find themselves back together and certain of what they want. As far as your anger issues, try an anger management course. Many people have told me it's been very helpful. Verbal abuse in many ways is really worse then physical, you have to get it under control b/c it will destroy you and your relationships & life. When major stressors in life occur you have to have positive coping mechanisms, you still have a long way to go. Do it for yourself.

[HardNgood]

I hope she goes on her planned trip to Cancun, I hope she enjoys the time away and I hope you totally grow up ,be a MAN and don't lay any guilt trips on her going on her vacation. As for your temper...get some PROFESSIONAL help and deal with it, instead of using it as a freeking excuse..you're 24 yrs old for gawdsakes!....and the part about..verbal abuse "inherited from my father"....ask yourself ...when are you going to take OWNERSHIP of your own life?? what your dad did or didn't do has NOTHING TO DO, with what YOU DO today unless you CHOOSE that! Get some serious counselling before continuing on with personal relationships. drug addiction,anger management,verbal abuse issues don't "go away" all by themselves. It takes YEARS of therapy and a life committment to stay the course.

[dancingdoc2]

Yes! and consider that with a nearly five year age span she is definitely on a different page of life than you. This equates to life experience as well as maturity.

If she wants to be with you, she will be; however, you should also understand that at her age she needs to experience spreading her wings and to sample what Mother Nature has to offer in the way of dates and potential mates. Dating is an important part of life during the teen years and should not begin and end with the first warm body to pay an interest in us.

She could probably go anywhere on vacation, yet going to Cancun is a way to assert her independence as an autonomous adult. I remember planning a tip to Baja California with a friend in his restored ol' Ford pickup. I did not have a girlfriend at the time; however, the purpose was probably the same.

You cannot realistically expect that what was good for you is not acceptable and good for her, even though she has you as a boyfriend while you were footloose and fancy free when you explored and spread your wings. And, this brings us full circle. If she wants to be with you, a vacation anywhere is not going to interfere with this aspect of your lives.

As for your rage, I agree that some counseling would be appropriate if only to understand the source. I understand that we practice what we know and that modeling after a parent with a temper is what you know; however, you are a big boy now, and can figure things out on your own and change the pattern of behavior. Counseling can help you create a new behavioral path.

Controlling your temper is but one aspect of the problem. You must also learn how to "vent" and how to deal with problems as well as differences of opinion. Often the latter is through negotiation rather than attempting to convince the other person of your being "right". A definition of "negotiation" is to give the other person the most of what they want without giving up what you want. If you both give, you both receive; and, this is different than trying to get what you want at someone elses expense.