weird situation

[baller_07]

17 almost 18 still in highschool.
Heres the story....
I was in this relationship with this girl for about 8-12months that goes 2 my school and everything was great and it was the 1st girl i had ever done anything with excluding kissing. Anyway so i went on vacation for 2weeks and when i got back i heard all kinds of rumors that she messed around while i was gone with another guy, so of course i asked her about it and she said no. this was hard for me to believe becuz i never trusted her completly be4 anyway cuz shes really a flirty type of girl and had a reputation of lieng. So i ended up dumping her and i didnt believe a word she said. I even talked to the guy she supposedly cheated on me with and he told me she wanted it and came onto him cuz they hung out all day. this guy is a big flirt and is known to be a liar as well. They didnt have sex but they made out but it still got to me. So i was pretty pissed off and left her. Then she dates my best friend a few weeks later! My friend started talking to her and he asked me if it would bother me if they went out. I said no, trying to hide my feelings and lieng to myself thinking i was over it. (He was around me and this girl sometimes cuz i like to hang with my friends as well as my gf so he knew her well, but the weird thing is i told him everything i did with her cuz he was my best friend and i trusted him so i dont know why he'd want to date her knowing all the **** we had done.) So eventually after seeing them 2gether it got to me and i finally told him if he didnt leave her that me and him where thru cuz i didnt want to be around her at all cuz i started to hate her for cheating on me and then dating my boy. He told me that hed leave her cuz it wasnt worth losing his best friend over. so that was that.

3-4 yrs later....
Im now a senior and havnt been in a relationship since the one i just explained. I have had some girls like me but i always try to stay out of relationships if i think they wont work for long. I try to look for long relationships, i like to get serious i hate playing games and in highschool its all about being popular when you date and all that bull**** so i turned down many girls. I feel like im getting desperate and im feeling the lonelyness lol. Well i play basketball and one night be4 my game i was sitting in the bleachers and my ex "the girl" comes down and sits by me and we hadnt talked at all these past few years besides a simple hi or something like that. So it was weird but one of her friends was sitting near me so she talked to her mostly and hardly said a word 2 me but just wanted to be around me it seemed. She started talking to one of my teamates and told him that she missed hangin with me and talking.... i was kinda curious about her as well since we havnt talked in forever and we used to be so close, so i told him "yea i think thatd be cool to hang out with her sometime". So the next weekend me my teamate and a friend and my ex and her friend all went to a movie and hung out. I talked to her a little bit and over the next couple weeks we started hanging out more but her friend started liking me so it turned into a little 3some we all hung out all the time just me my ex and her friend. So one day they called me and asked if i wanted to go to her house... i said yes and we watched movies and snuggled 2gether. It felt good and i had some feelings coming back up about my ex... i have no interest in her friend besides friendship. After a few days i called my ex on the phone and we talked about the past and she told me that it was all a lie and just a bunch of rumors. Note: to this day i still dont know the absolute truth.
Shes just getting out of a long relationship with a guy and it had to end cuz he moved a few states away. So now shes kinda messing with me but i dont know whether to trust her and i dont know if she just wants sex or an actual relationship. I rly like her ive always had a soft spot for her for some reason.
What should i do?Should i just forget the past and give us a chance again?
p.s. sorry if this was hard 2 follow just ask if you need more info on a certain thing, any feedback would be appreciated

[kt8768]

ive been in a long term relationship and i know high school roumors are hard to get rid of. and you never really know the truth. but people change so if she did cheat on oyu she might be different now. i'd start talking with her again and exclude her friend. find out if shes still the same.



ps.help me on my situation plz

[dancingdoc2]

> I have had some girls like me but i always try to stay out of relationships if i think they wont work for long. I try to look for long relationships

As far as I am concerned, you've missed out on what could have been some fantastic times just because you don't want to take a chance.

The purpose of dating is to meet as many people as possible and to learn about them in a closer setting than just being friends. You get to sample what humanity has to offer and learn about likes, dislikes, preferences, morals, values, quirks, goals, and a myriad of other attributes about a person's character. The more people you date the better able you will be to find Ms. or Mr. Right.

Unless you are psychic, how the heck are you able to tell by looking at a person or talking to them for a few minutes whether or not a long term relationship is possible? Date the person, have fun with them, and find out. If it doesn't work out, then consider the time spent as educational as well as possibly fun and move on to the next person in line and try, again.

Dating is not about going out with someone and stopping with the first warm body who shows an interest. Likewise, unless you had agreed to be exclusive back in eighth or nineth grade whenever this first thing happend, she had every right to see other people. In addition to seeing as many people as possible, dating also makes it possible to date more than one person at a time--until such time as you enter into an exclusive relationship.

> she told me that it was all a lie and just a bunch of rumors. Note: to this day i still dont know the absolute truth.

That was then, this is now. Even though the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, people do change, grow up and mature, particularly in your age range. If you want to give her another chance then let bygones be bygones, do not dwell on the past and just move foreward. If she has not learned anything and continues with her old tricks then end the relationship. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

> Shes just getting out of a long relationship with a guy and it had to end cuz he moved a few states away.

It is generally not a good idea to date someone who is on the rebound, regardless of the cause for the break up. Give her some time to become grounded again. While doing so, be friends with her if you want and observe her behavior before entering into an exclusive relationship. In other words, date her casually and any other girls you might find interesting. Later, you can narrow the playing field as you learn more about each. This is the way it is supposed to work.

[baller_07]

ok thx for the advice you made some good points and i guess im too hard on people sometimes by judging them be4 i actually get to know them. In highschool people act differently in different crowds so i should probably give myself some chances with other people. about the rebound thing ill give her her space and see what happens. Thx again.

[demonbuttercup]

I wouldn't base your relationship on her to what "rumors" are said in HS. I mean did she ever give YOU a reason not to trust her???
And of course if you ask the "other" guy about it... what guy isn't going to brag about being w/ a chick? Especially in HS.
I agree w/ Doc... 8th-9th grade relationships shouldn't be the basis of the rest of your life.... kids are immature...like how she dated your bud to make you jealous..typical high school drama.

If you like this chick... then go for it.. start hanging out again and become friends again... do give her time/space since she is just out a of relationship... but don't let what people "say" ruin a good thing.

[baller_07]

yes shes real flirty and i noticed that after i started being with her that made the rumors easier to believe. but yea i have been talking to her and hangin with her for about 2weeks now. Should i make the first move cuz i like her or let her have her space and let her make the 1st move?

[EvilEvilKitten]

High school is over and the past is the past - let it go. You have to move well beyond 'high school mentality' if you're going to get anywhere in life and the time to start is now.

If you want to get closer to her - show her your interest and follow her lead from then on.