Help me? Please..

[jagsrocknfl]

Well.. to start off me and my girlfriend got in a gigantic fight over me watching porn, I watched it once and she flipped (I told her because I felt guilty) I swore to her I would never watch it again.... Here we are 2 months later and I have watched a porn the last two days.. I feel SUPER GUILTY and would really like some advice.. I don't think I can tell her she will break up with me and I really love her... (we have been dating for 7 months) and advice? I'm hoping I will just forget about it in a few months.....

Thanks

[ChiliPepper]

Im wondering why shes freaking out! Did you tell her that you dont watch porn because you like the women, but rather - the acts that are shown?

I would try and get her involved... see if there is anything she may enjoy watching, and have some mutual play while enjoying it! Perhaps some erotic fiction?

Men should never feel guilty about watching porn - its JUST a magazine, or a movie. And I know NO man who would turn down the real thing for a DVD. I would explain that men are turned on by visual experiences, and watching DOES NOT MEAN she doesnt satisfy you, or that you want someone else, but moreso, you enjoy WATCHING the act.

Personally, tell her shes beautiful, and you adore her and desire her, and try and involve her in it. (Or buy HER a book of erotic fiction.)

[sera300]

I think if you are going to allow her to control you this way, then you have 2 choices; give it up or don't tell her.

Or tell her she has not right to control you, and watch when you wish.

Personally, I have a hard time when women want to exhibit this type of control it's childish....

[dancingdoc2]

There is another fundamental principle to consider and that is: "Of what benefit will it be to tell her?" (And your answer is?)

If you are not adicted to the videos and only watch them occasionally, and if you do not rely upon watching them then STOP watching, and do not tell her.

[madeye]

I do believe in a relationship you need two things.

A semi private life

and trust.

Just tell her you understand she is not comfortable with it, tell her you wont subject her to it or ask her to watch it.

if she is persistent and wants to know if your going to watch it again.

i would reply with:

I need privacy at some kind of small level, and in that privacy i will masturbate and sometimes i will use my imagination and sometimes i may even use porn. I dont expect you to understand or join me its just something i occasionally enjoy in my private time. its not cheating and its not any sort of insult of my feelings towards you.

hopefully if said in the right context she will understand its just a thing guys do.

if were not going to masturbate to porn we will just masturbate to our imagination, a women who wants to try and limit how we spend our private time is just being irrational.

[sera300]

Madeye:

I have to agree w/you on the semi-private life. For some reason, many people feel b/c they are involved in a relationship, they must disclose every bit of information about themselves. There is almost no right to privacy; it's not being dishonest it's keeping a small part of yourself to yourself.

There is no need to share 100% of things you do, and 100% of all your personal information to everyone you are involved with!

[ChiliPepper]

Agreed... its a shame that someone would feel threatened over pornography - if its only occasional, its obviously harmless, and is not worth her worrying over.

Some excellent replies on this thread.

[sportdork6]

Wait, so the fact that I do share 100% of my life with my partner is bad? I don't mind and have run into very few problems with it? and its maybe more like 99.8% but still, can it be okay if it doesn't cause any problems or whatever? Like this is the girl I want to spend my life with.

Somewhere along the way I lost my interest in porn.

[ChiliPepper]

Its not a matter of lying - its a matter of being able to have some time to yourself. Granted, someone shouldn't have to lie to watch porn or masturbate, but, you shouldn't feel guilty. If it means not sharing something that would upset your partner, but ABSOLUTELY does them no harm, (its not like cheating, or going outside the relationship) so be it. Enjoy yourself, and just keep it to yourself.

I do not condone cheating, or lying to a spouse/partner, but that partner has some issues to deal with if they are threatened by porn or masturbation.

[sera300]

Sport;

I am not saying sharing 100% of your life is wrong. What I am saying too often there are posts here where one person feels compelled to tell their gf/bf everything, it's as if they have surrendered all rights to a bit of privacy. Such as the original poster who feels "guilty" not telling his gf everything he does. He should feel he has some right to keep some of his life private and not feel guilty about divulging ALL info. As doc said; what purpose does it suit telling her?

Even when you are married there are some "things" or thoughts which still remain confidential.