interesting debate with new gf

[madeye]

ok me and my new lady had a conversation about strip clubs.

She has a major chip on her shoulder about them.

I can respect that and actually agree with alot of her points.

But i have a more flexible stance. I believe alot of people make ****ty sacrifices to make money. There is alot of degrading ****ty work that nobody should have to do. But if there is a demand there will be a source and a varrying level of consequence for said work. So if a women can provide a better living to support her family or college tuition then more power to her.

and yeah that kind of sucks for the women who wont make that sacrifice and has to make significantly less money doing more self respecting work like waitressing.

so the real argument began when it came to bachelor parties.

I would never condone or respect someone who has any kind of serious sexual acts on his bachelor party.

but isnt the bachelor party the friends business, just cause she has a chip on her shoulder does not influence the way her future husband would enjoy his night with his buddies cause it is a night that is not suposed to have anything to do with her its a night for the guys.

My final point was a man is about to pledge his life to spending everyday caring and loving her as need be. and the bachelor party is a mans last night to not give a **** about how she feels and be completely selfish (within reason) for the last time ever.

she honestly believes her future husband could actually talk to his best man and tell him his fiance will not allow him to have strippers. and she doesnt think its naive to think that doing so would only mean the best mate would just get twice as many strippers as planned.

It was passionately fought debate..... she wont admit to it but i feel i have the more realistic angle and she has a very stubborn controlling perspective on how her future husband would spend his own bachelor party.

[EvilEvilKitten]

So I guess she will not have a male stripper at her bachelorette party?
Actually the whole bachelor/bachelorette party thing is a huge drag! The whole idea "last night of freedom" is rather repugnant and insulting.
Just have a big mixed party without a theme and be done with it.

Why are you arguing about this?
It is the friend(s) who run these things, not the fiance's.

[dancingdoc2]

I agree with the first part of your post, and, I agree with her position. I do believe that while your male friends may run the party, they should do so in keeping with respectability and how you value your relationship with your bride and your moral values.

I agree with EEK, also. If you want your marriage to get off on the wrong foot, then let them have the stripper. If you have any consideration for your fiancee's wishes and beliefs then insist on some rules of civility and demand that your friends do not provide a stripper.

[Old Kid]

I'm a little confused on this. Are we talking about strip clubs or batchelor parties? I've heard of some batchelor parties that got way out of hand but I think the bouncers at a strip club are going to put a quick stop to any over the top behavior. My ex never approved of strip clubs. Said everyone goes there to get a BJ, yeah right. The one I'm with now would probably want to go with me! LOL

[madeye]

well i the argument came up cause im standing up in my friends wedding.

so i told her i have no problem respecting her wishes of not having a bf who needs to actively pursue a sexual satisfaction at a strip club.

I then had to tell her that some situations i wont have any control over and will be at a strip club. like bachlor parties.

and yeah there is a fair argument that this concept is stupid and maybe its past its time or needs to change in some way.... but as it stands it hasnt.


She then said she would honestly consider calling off the marriage if her husband to be had a few lap dances at a strip club on his bachlor party.

I just thought that was an insanely stubborn and naive perspective. i mean she may not like what her future husband's best mates plan but as long as he doesn't have sex and nobody dies or has to do serious jail time...... then its not her business what happens at the bachelor party.

[sera300]

Strip clubs & bachelor parties are still big around NY. Many men hold their parties there. Women make a choice to work there, some women have even said they strip b/c they are in control and enjoy it, so be it.

Now, if a friend plans a bachelor's party at one; are you not suposed to go? Yes you are, it's the grrom-to-bes night out w/his friends to celebrate .

How you conduct yourself is up to the individual. So what if groom to be gets a lap dance?

From a female point; any woman who objects and would consider ending an future marriage b/c of this has some serious trust issues. If you cannot trust him to do the right thing, why would you marry him? Or is it she feels b/c you are drunk, among friends, living it up, you will do something out of character? It's a poor/weak argument at best on her part & it's very controlling.

I suppose the same woman would have a hard time if you went on a business trip w/out her.

[madeye]

no she is just a strong women with strong opinions.

she thinks strip clubs are degrading to women and doesnt respect men who support an industry that objectify women in such a way.

but then she likes porn. so she is as inconsistent with her opinions as she is passionate.

I kind of like that she is so passionate about what she believes cause im kind of the same way. I just warned her this is something that is out of her realm of control and if she doesnt come to terms with that shes going to create problems that dont need to be.

I was just trying to get her to understand that her beliefs are important and she makes very good points on why she feels that way. I respect her enough to actively not pursue the entertainment of exotic dancers. But i dont share her opinion strongly enough to tell me my best friend i refuse to go to his bachelor party cause there will be strippers.

and yes us guys are *******s and if the groom to be told his friend no strippers..... his friend would only feel more inclined to give him strippers. Its just this odd tradition for your guy friends to be *******s and do crazy **** for you on that night.

[sera300]

She is entitled to her opinion; ask her to talk to a stripper! They don't feel it's degrading and they laugh all the way to the bank. It's a choice the woman makes just as porn actress' do! Obviously is a big industry...good old economics; the laws of supply and demand.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Actually strippers (exotic dancers) like the adulation and attention to such a degree that they find it hard to stop! They feel that the men worship them, want them, desire them. That's quite a rush. In truth, they are there to get the men into the place and keep them there - a case of simple economics.

The reason your gf may think that it is 'degrading' is twofold - it involves "sex object" and it doesn't require any real brains - some talent, yes but brains, no. This is not particle physics we're talking about here. Picture Mr. Stephen Hawkins twirling around a stripper pole. (I had to do it, sorry.) So strippers do not get any real respect.

But from the stripper's point of view: she is well paid, gets a good physical workout, and she gets attention from lots of men who cannot touch her.

[foxdan]

i see it the same as if you went out and got a whole lot of porn dvd's and wached them. I think the best is to reverse roles and try to see what the other person will feal.
I will feel hurt if i knew that a male stripper was waving his P....s if front of my future wife