New relationship -- no sex?

[hawkeye1]

Hey all,

I recently entered a relationship (1 month) with a girl that I get along absolutely great with as friends. The problem is that when it comes to the relationship sort of thing, it seems to be moving kind of slowly.

One of the major situations regarding us is the sex. She has flat out told me that she wants to hold off on the sexual side of things "indefinitely". The issue I have with this is that she was in a previous relationship where she was very open sexually. She even posted pictures to a bunch of strangers online of her making out naked with another girl. Her ex BF posted pictures of her and him getting rather raunchy at one point as well.

After she broke up with him, she slept with 2 random guys. She then starts dating me not long after the random sex and wants to completely cut it off.

I know I'm a guy and I know that outwardly it seems I want to push the sex issue. I really don't for those reasons. If it was any other situation I wouldn't mind at all if she wanted to wait, I just feel as if there's something she's not comfortable with or whatever. It's emotionally hurting me because I don't know if it's because she isn't sure or what.

It's making me kind of concerned because I just don't know what the issue is. When I asked her about her holding off, she used the excuse "I don't want to get pregnant." But again, looking at her immediate history before dating me it doesn't seem like it.

I like this girl a lot and I want things to work out but I also feel that sex is a part of a normal, healthy relationship. At least, sexual activity--it doesn't have to be sex itself, but a little love and affection go a long way.

I don't want to go forth with a relationship that is very one-sided, and it seems that on some of these issues she is being very one-sided. I know I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to, but at the same time I have needs and wants that I would like her to respect. (There are other issues here that I haven't addressed due to the original topic I intended.)

[sera300]

It sounds as if she is making excuses for not wanting to be sexually involved w/you. Okay, she does not want to get pregnant...that's why there is birth control, so that's not a vaild reason. Maybe she is unsure of what she wants for your relationship, or from you. Maybe she wants time to get past what happened in her last relationship & not jump into another relationship?

If she is sexually open yet is not interested w/you "indefinately", I am not sure she really wants a relationship at this time. Perhaps she just wants your friendship?

[Old Kid]

I think it's time to move on to greener pastures. Guess if you want you can try & remain friends but doesn't sound like what you're after. I've had this happen to me in the past and it never seems to go anywhere. That is unless all you want is someone to hang out with and spend money on. Gets pretty frustrateing when you know someone has been banging other people but won't have anything to do with you. Like WTF??? Worse part is, if you go out in public all the time as a couple, other women will see you guys as an item & that won't help your chances of winding up with anyone else. If you just wanted companionship, you could get a dog.

[EvilEvilKitten]

She's just not into you. Time for a new girlfriend!

[madeye]

Yeah its only been 1 month and there are tons of red flags with this women.

Fish in the sea, get out there and start chatting up some new ladies. dont dwell on this. go hang out at places where you can chat up some women, i feel i can safely promise you talking to strangers is more fun than trying to have a relationship with this woman.

get your ass to a friends party, bookstore, or a bar. Make some eye contact and meet some new women.

You gotta know that you deserve better than this. So tell this women "lets just be friends" and move on.

[demonbuttercup]

I agree, it has only been one month... so why are all about expecting sex??
I hate that excuse of oh she was all slutty and her and her ex did this and that... so what???

Did you date her b/c she was that way?? it sounds like you did.. sounds like you had an expectation of early/easy sex... and since it isn't panning out... you're moving on.
Maybe its the opposite of what everyone else is saying... and she does really like you.. so she wants to build the relationship and not have it be just about sex.... how are the other aspects of the relationship?

Also, the whole pregnancy thing... maybe she was being reckless and something happened... she had a pregnancy scare and whether she later found out she wasn't... or was and terminated... either way....that can be a major turning point. Maybe she realized she was behaving in a careless way... and wants to have more respect for herself....

Or... it could be just like everyone else has said.. and she's just not that into you... but don't just bash her right off the bat

[EvilEvilKitten]

Demon - relationship and sex are not two separate things. The one goes with the other. Presumably the lady enjoys sexual congress - just not with him. Based upon the available information she wants this man as a friend not as a lover - so if he wants a lover, he'll have to take the lady at her word and move on.

[Old Kid]

I think the key word in his post is "indefinetly" I could maybe agree with Demon if she just said she wanted to take it slow or something to that effect.

[demonbuttercup]

Well does indefinitly mean never?? Or just saying its an unidentified amount of time?
Does she do other things sexually? Make-out??
Has she mentioned that she wants a "relationship" or just friends? Does she date other people??