Dealing with your partners ex

[madeye]

Ok so the opinions are always different on this.

I have one signficant ex that i dated for 5 years, we been apart for 1.5 years and we used to talk a little and now we just dont talk at all and we have different paths.

The girl i been dating for 4 months who says and acts as though she is madly genuinely sincerely in love with me still feels the need to have a friendly phone conversation with her ex the day before valentines day.

As greatful as i was for her honesty i was also hurt and concerned about this.

we have talked about it, and she has convincingly conveyed that its very much a platonic thing that they will randomly do. Her reasoning is that the last 1.5 years of the relationship was long distance and they were more so friends than actual lovers. so she says she doesnt need him in her life but since she is so happy and sure about me and her being such a great relationship she feels there is no reason to not call him and catch up and talk about how good her. I guess she feels secure enough with me that shes not worried about having an innocent convo with her ex screwing with her head or anything crazy like that.

Im not worried about her being stolen from me, she is madly in love with me, and even so this guy lives 4 hours away. so im very much aleviated of my odd yet strong jealousy/insecurity.

Im sure one day they will completely lose touch, so i think its pointless i dont understand but maybe thats just me. Shes a bleading heart and she feels there is no reason she cant check in on him on occasion and get an update.

I have expressed im not comfortable with it, but i guess this is something i have to learn to deal with.

thoughts?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes it would be okay, except it isn't. You are not happy. Yes, you should 'get over it' but that will take time and 4 months is not enough time. When just beginning a new relationship, people tend to be somewhat insecure - time and experience will take care of that. So, she should be more considerate of your feelings and just not call him for an update. Talk to her and gently explain that yes, you understand but that she too needs to understand. Fair is fair.

[madeye]

yeah i did express that, i wish i was a bit more calm and just expressed that its to soon in the relationship for her to be springing this stuff on me. and instead like a dope i over-reacted and went about handling this all the wrong way.

Im really happy with this women and i really dont doubt her trust or love. Its just kind of hard to know that she still cares about the previous bfs life. and its different for me cause my first gf and only other serious relationship had no previous lovers. so this is all new to me.

as endearing and flattering it was to hear that she mostly talked about how happy she was with me. it was also just odd and really fed into developing some insecurities and reservations about our relationship.

she did an amazing job of explaining herself, she does acknowledge it was a timing mistake and has reassured me that she will place boundaries on how extent of a friendship they will maintain cause her priorities are on the relationship and the potential future.

she said that if he was in town she would invite him to join us for coffee, that made me feel kind of good cause i feel like im included and that her minor platonic friendship/acquaintance is not something i cant be a part of if/when the opportunity presents itself.

my logic is that since she had a good chunk of time and plenty of casual dating before going from him to me, and since she has never showed reservation or hint of hiding her platonic long distance friendship than i dont really have much to worry about at the moment. but i wont lie, my guard is a bit up and its not something i will ignore or just naively brush off my shoulder.

[Sirene]

The same happened with me. I told my girlfriend & she told me she'll do anything to make me happy & keep me. So she got in touch with him & told him not to come near her or talk to her.
Some people arent so nice about it though.

My girlfriend has the same problem with my ex, so im not seeing her anymore.