She stopped in the middle, said she lost the mood... ??

[PKisme]

I've been dating a girl for about a month. We're both in our early 30s and neither are inexperienced sexually. We get along great and have a mutual attraction. We had sex for the first time about 3 weeks into dating (our 5th date). That was good.

Well, we had it again the other night and had a problem. It started out hot and heavy, she was obviously enjoying it (as was I), when suddenly, she dried up, literally. It was like all the moisture just vanished. We were in missionary, so I pulled up, turned her around doggie style, but couldn't enter. Was going to switch back to some foreplay to get things heated up again, but she kind of curled up, appologized and said she "lost the mood". I tried kissing her and placed her hand on my penis but she pulled away and rolled over, appologizing again, and we went to sleep...well she did, took me a little longer to drift off for obvious reason.

I understand having a physical problem in the middle, but what I don't understand is the way she just shut if off and left me hanging like that. She called me the next day, appologized again and said she'd make it up to me, also commenting we should have said good night at the door. But I'm concerned this could indicate bigger issues. Like I said the physical problem doesn't concern me (we had a few drinks and aren't in our 20s anymore). But the way she cut it off bothers me. If I ever have a problem like losing my erection or coming too soon, I always make sure to please my woman in other ways and not leave her unsatisfied. More than anything, it seems selfish to me that she would just cut it off like that.

Could there be another explanation that doesn't fortell future problems? The only reasons I can come up with are that she either was mortified and embarassed, has some kind of emotional problem with sex, or is a selfish lover. If its' the first reason, I can understand, even though she needent be embarassed. But if it's the others, I don't know if I could stick by in a relationship with her.

Any other reasons this might have happened? I don't want to question her about it. But at the same time, I don't want to lead her on or get more emotionally attached and find out this will be a common issue. It's not that sex defines a relationship for me. But it is important to me and I don't want to commit to a long term relationship with someone whom I'm not sexually compatible with.

[sera300]

She owes you an explaination, ask her what is wrong! When you climb into bed w/someone it curtious to explain for all the reasons you mentioned. Because she "is not in the mood" is her way of avioding talking...

[Old Kid]

So from your post I get that you guys have only been having sex for a week? Her behavior sounds more like someone that's been married for 10yrs and is bored with it. I'd get some clarification as to what it takes to get her "in the mood"
To take her side for a moment, perhaps she got embarassed by being dry. Just keep some lube on the bedstand for that. You could have slipped some on while you were changeing positions. And BTW, the alcohol can change things dramatically. A little or what your used to can be OK but too much & everyone gets sleepy.

[PKisme]

Originally Posted by Old Kid

So from your post I get that you guys have only been having sex for a week?

Yes, first time last weekend, then this time this past Saturday.

Her behavior sounds more like someone that's been married for 10yrs and is bored with it.

Exactly why I'm concerned

I'd get some clarification as to what it takes to get her "in the mood"

She was plenty in the mood at the start. In fact, she was the initial aggressor. We got in the door and she started pulling off my clothes. Then I gave her oral for a few minutes until she pulled me up by the hair and told me to "get inside" her.

To take her side for a moment, perhaps she got embarassed by being dry. Just keep some lube on the bedstand for that. You could have slipped some on while you were changeing positions.

Unfortunately, we were at her place.

And BTW, the alcohol can change things dramatically. A little or what your used to can be OK but too much & everyone gets sleepy.

I'm hoping that's it.

Guess I'll take Sera's advice and ask her to clarify what the problem was. I just didn't want to dwell on it if it was just a one time thing that she's embarassed about.

Maybe I should just wait and see how it goes next time (making sure it's at my place with emergency supplies on hand)?

My main fear is that it's fine a few more times, we're more emotionally attached and invested in the relationship, and then it happens again.

[Brandye]

We all generate lube differently and for some women it varies with time of month. A possibility is that she was simply "drying up" and she had allowed it to become uncomfortable. I assure you that that can be a real turn off for a woman. There were certainly other adjustments she could have made - adding lube, working you over with another technique - but perhaps she is not quite comfortable with you, yet.

I agree that a discussion is in order but suspect that there is some rather simple explanation. I have certainly turned off during proceedings but hope I have never left a partner hanging.

[EvilEvilKitten]

She dried up and it began to hurt. No big deal but you're making it into one - BUY SOME LUBE AND USE IT. Then when she dries a bit, on the 'out stroke' apply a bit of lube and keep going. No harm, no foul, no big deal.

[PKisme]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

She dried up and it began to hurt. No big deal but you're making it into one - BUY SOME LUBE AND USE IT. Then when she dries a bit, on the 'out stroke' apply a bit of lube and keep going. No harm, no foul, no big deal.

Like I said, I understand that and don't have a problem with it. That's not a big deal to me at all. I feel she made a big deal out of it by just turning off immediately, rolling over, and saying she wished we ended the date at the door. That's what concerns me. There was no opportunity to use lube even if I had some on hand. She made it quite clear that the off switch was activated. Her exact words were, "sorry, I'm not in the mood anymore". This is 12 seconds after she dried up. And 30 seconds after she was yelling "harder".

But, I'm not trying to make a big deal out of it, either. I was just curious if there is some rational reasons for that kind of behavior other than my suspicion that she has an emotional/intimacy issue or is selfish in bed.

As I said, she said she'll "make it up to me" the next day. I'm seeing her tomorrow so we'll see what happens.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Good luck.

[Raidenator]

I had the same problem with my girlfriend during one of the first few times we had sex. She "dried" up and from what I understand that's when it became painful for her and she gave up basically. She didn't finish the job for me either. It may be that she's just a girl who expects the man to take care of herself and she doesn't bother with him, becaue in the beginning of my relationship that was how it was until we got to talkin.

Anyway, good luck.