Should I be mean to women?

[cjb1981]

That may seem like an odd question, but all of the relationships that I've had, have ended with the girl saying that I am too nice. What the hell does that even mean..."too nice"!!! Should I be an ass! The saying goes that nice guys finish last, I think that whoever wrote that, was onto something. I always hear women say that they would love to find a nice guy, well that's bullsh*t!!! Women may think that they want a nice guy, but when they have one, they say that he's "clingy", or needy. I don't think that I'm either, but I've been told that on many occasions, by many women. When I'm in a relationship, I like to have sex more than once a week, does that make me needy? I hope not. I definitely don't want to see them more then 3-4 times a week, but 3-4 times is a good amount, right? I don't think that's too much. But, a lot of women seem to think it is. So basically, do you have to treat women like sh*t, in order gor them to want to be with you? If so, how? Because I honestly don't know, how to be that much of a jerk. Any suggestions would be great, thanks!

[sportdork6]

I'm a nice guy, I certainly didn't finish last. The reason you always here that you are too nice or whatever is because girls are socialized to want certainly qualities that our society defines as manly, such as confidence and assertiveness, and they are not attracted to characteristics our society defines as female, unless they are gay, even then, they are likely to be attracted to those qualities in women instead.

When you are being told that you are too nice, this can mean many things. It can possibly mean that you submit too readily to them. By this I mean, if you disagree on something, do you let her know? or do you simply go with what she says? I've had problems with this only in terms of doing stuff, I do some stuff just to be with my girl, but when it comes to issues, we argue like hell, and I rarely back down.


I am emotionally clingy by society's standards, but my girlfriend is okay with that, she knows how I am, and does not have a problem with that at all, she actually likes that I'm 'sensitive'. However, this does not mean it can be all about you all the time. As a partner in a relationship, you have to take care of the other when they are upset and stuff, but don't smother them, be their shoulder to cry on if they WANT it, but otherwise just be yourself, make jokes, do whatever, don't be all "there there" if they don't want it.

Don't back down, unless you don't care that much. By this I mean, Girl: "I wanna go to the store" Boy: "Hell no" ... that should stay hell no, unless you honestly don't care, and maybe wanted to get something yourself. Confidence is the key word, women are not looking for servants or slaves, they are socialized to look for protectors and now a days more so equals. You guys are equal, COMPROMISE NOT SUBMISSION. Should be key to this relationship.

Confidence is sexy in men.
Confidence is sexy in women.
Some like clingy, others don't
Clingy is completely relative to the relationship.
No one wants to date a slave, not for very long anyway.

That being said, I am not telling you to end romance or anything. Girls LOVE a man who can be romantic, thing about it is, don't be apologetic for it. Don't apologise unless you DO something wrong.

Not easy for everyone, I know trust me, I am preaching as I think, not necessarily as I do, but each relationship will be different.

I hope my response was somewhat helpful.
I could have not written any of that and just left it to confidence, just be yourself, and don't be sorry for it, if the girl doesn't like, she's not a good fit.

[sportdork6]

Oh But To Clarify If You Are Mean To Women They Will Leave You Faster Than If You Are A Pushover, No Good Woman Will Take Crap.

[cjb1981]

Thanks man, I just heard some things from you that I really needed to hear! Again, thanks a lot!

[Newwife]

My Husband is what you would call a nice guy, and had the same things happen to him. Girls telling him that he was to loving and to affectionate.

I have to admit as women we like to be thrown down and told whay to do every once in a while ( if you know what I mean) But the point is that once you find the right person they will love you and fall in love with for the very character that some women hated.

Those are the women that sleep with men who treat them like crap, cheat on them and leave when it gets tough or too complicated. Then they sit there and say to themselves " Why do I keep picking the wrong guys?"
Well that is pretty obvious.

You just stay the way you are and it will work out for you.

Oh and by the way. You wanting to have sex 3-4 times a week is not needy it is a guy thing. My husband wants that a day. But he has another thing coming.

Newwife

[Beans518]

You shouldn't have to chage who you are in order to be with someone. If they are trying to change you into someone else then you're not the person they want. I agree with everything sportdork said. Women don't like a guy they can walk all over.

[SexySass69]

You can be a nice person but you may just want to consider every once in a while being a little more aggressive. My fiance is a total sweetheart and to me there is nothing more appealing than when he gets in the mood to be more dominant in the relationship.

[sera300]

Women do not want a man to be mean; granted there are women (just as there are men) who it seems the worse you treat them the more they want you but I believe that is due to them always wanting someone who is unattainable. Exemplified by; the more you ignore them the more they come around. Pay attention to them, spend time w/them and they vanish...

What women do want is a man with a backbone. If I am in a "mood" I want a partner who stands up to me not one who is willing to be a doormat and put up w/my B.S. There are points where you avoid confrontation, but there are times to settle conflict in relationships. We want a man who we respect for who he is and at times for what he is not willing to put up with. A man who takes control, but who is not controlling, is what I look for.

But I have never said to a man you are "too nice" for me, I think a man who is strong and confident, willing to be his own "dog" (from the old commercial) yet has a soft, compassionate, and romantic side is wonderful.

Maybe when these women said you were "too nice"; you were not vocalizing your wants or needs in the relationship rather just going along w/what they wanted? Or you have picked the type of women who look to be treated poorly. I see many of my friends go through bf's, looking for something better. They always wind up wanting the one who is a total jerk, who never calls, and the one who blows them off...it's like it's the thrill of the chase. I think there is something not quite right wired in their brains. Same as one of my male friends; he picks these women who are insanely jealous, will not let him go out w/friends (won't let him off the leash), who are gorgeous, yet are the nastiest, vile women you want to meet. I believe this "pick" of a girlfriend is something patterned into his DNA wrong. When men/women make these choices something is just not right w/them. Threfore, if you are picking these "types" of women, perhaps that is where the problem is.

A man who is thoughtful of my needs/wants is nice but I expect him to tell me his, to see if I can give the same to him. There is a nice balance of being a strong and independent person but still needing the other person in your life. But I definately go for the nice ones, have tossed out the ones w/a "mean/nasty streak" since they only last about 1-2 dates w/me. I would just look at what type of women you are picking and how you impact a relationship; meaning do you speak up about what you want for yourself or what you want to do?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Being confident does not mean being mean or being an ass, it just means being comfortable with you who are, what you want, and in control of your life without apologizing or bragging.

[cjb1981]

OK, thanks a lot everyone, great advice!