Girlfriend problems... & the girl at work...

[ENiGMaTiX]

Hi there,

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 1 year now, we met at work. Things haven't exactly been smooth... but hey, what relationship is? I am her first proper boyfriend, and the first guy she has slept with.

Ever since our first date she has always been very shy, and has little self confidence. She also finds it hard to trust, and can often get very jealous.

Example; There was a recent party which alot of people at my work were invited to, I really wanted to go. She didn't. I asked her plenty of times and persuaded her to go, but she said she didn't fancy it. She then said she didn't mind if I went on my own - Fine yes?

So I said, "Alright then I'll go" - I was going to drive and would only stay out for a couple of hours anyway. After I said that I was going to the party, she instantly said, in an angry voice "Are you really going!? If you go without me, I will be VERY angry!"

So I'm standing there like WTF? So then we end up having an arguement. I really didn't see what the problem was? Especially after she said that she didn't mind me going...

Example 2; In my job I often speak with external contractors, and on one occasion, myself and my team were invited out to lunch with two of the contractors we use, during work hours. I was speaking to my girlfriend later that night, just having a chat about our days, and I told her I went out with my team for lunch to meet these contractors... She was just asking a few questions like, why were you going to meet them, who are they etc... after I told my girlfriend they were both women she didn't seem to happy...

Later on that night I got a text from a random mobile number saying "I really enjoyed our lunch today, we should go out again. Just the two of us." To which I replied "Who is this? Sorry but I have a girlfriend". Then I recieved another text back saying "You know who it is!". I figured it would be one of the ladies I met at the lunch - I really wasnt interested, they were both at least 20 years older than me (No offense )

Shortly after I got the last text, my girlfriend rang and we were just talking for a bit. I didn't tell her that someone had text me asking me out, I didn't want to upset her, she didn't need to know... perhaps I should have told her?
Then she randomly said "So, do you have anything you want to tell me?". After a short talk I realised that MY girlfriend had actually sent the message (to which she later admitted to), posing as one of the contractors I met on my lunch. I was very angry, and I didn't speak to her for the rest of the night, I ignored phone calls... and didnt reply to texts, even though she was making out like I had done something wrong?

So we spoke the next day and managed to patch things up... she apologised and all that...

Thats just 2 examples of literally loads of arguments. I'm not saying I'm perfect and she always starts the arguement, but I think I'm a pretty patient and understanding guy... Besides, I wouldn't come on the boards and lie, that won't help the situation.

My girlfriend went doctors a few months back, and the doctor said she may have depression... she was a bit down with that at first, but she doesn't seem too bad now. We've had arguements since, and I just don't think I can take any more stupid arguements, and being made to feel bad about something that I havent done. Over the last few months, I think that I have fallen out of love with her... but part of me feels that I can't leave her as she will be devestated, and would probably set off her depression... I would still be there for her as a friend if she ever needed me though...

To make matters worse...Over the last few months I have been getting on like a house on fire with this other girl who works near me. I find talking to her so easy, and we have alot in common. We flirt alot, but it's never amassed to anything more. Not to mention she is very attractive... I would admit that I fancy her, but I would never cheat.

After the last fight, which was pretty bad, I told her that she has to trust me and stop treating me this way, otherwise it will be too hard for us to be together...

I dunno what to do... my head hurts.

Should I wait for the next arguement and then call it a day? Should I tell her now? Or can she change? Argh...

Help!

[Old Kid]

Well let me be the first to say Move On. My ex wife of 21yrs was the jealous type and I learned to hate it more as the years went by. You seem like a nice guy from your post and the fact that you are concerned for her feelings proves that out but...You simply can't stay with someone out of sympathy. Sooner or later the resentment will build up in you and it will end anyway. You say you have found someone with a personality you like and are physically attracted to, so why stay with someone with obvious mental issues and who is into playing childlike games with thier phone?

[Old Kid]

Oh, Just looked at your post again. Will she change? FORGET trying to change someone. Especially this early on into the relationship. There's a saying. Never try to teach a pig to sing. It will only annoy the pig and frustrate yourself!
If you want to train something, get a dog.

[Funlovingirl]

I can understand how you would feel worried about leaving her however this could also be a good thing for her. From what you've said she appears to be very insecure about your relationship (she seems willing to manipulate you over it) and herself, so perhaps if she is on her own again she may realise that she can cope on her own and become a stronger person because of it. Also a slight side note she got angry about the party because i think she may have wanted you to say that you "would much rather stay with her than go to the party" however as your arent a mind reader ( or a woman) you couldn't have know that. My advice for you would be to move on, you only get one live, do you really want to spend it with someone you don't love?

[sera300]

She has to learn to control her issues, these are not your problems. It's not up to you to fix them for her, don't wait around. End it nicely and move on you did nothing wrong. You will only resent her more by staying!!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

MOVE ON. Do it now and do it quickly.