should i be mad?

[newgirl]

i am 17 and am dating an older man, 22 to b exact. he's my first real boy friend and i really love him, and i knew that i did shortly after we started dating. obviously, he was much more experienced(he had been w 4 girls) from the beginning of our relationship i had made it clear that i wanted 2 wait until marriage and he said that he was ok with that. he even asked if i felt like he was pushing me when we were making out (not fondling, mouths only). but after we'd been dating like 5 weeks it progressed from absolutely nothing to him fingering me and me giving him a clumsy at best hand job. i enjoyed it but felt really guilty. the very next night he picked me up and he "accidentally" left something at his house (he lives alone and we had set his house as off limits) and we both went into his bed room where he quickly initiated heavy making out and shortly after clothes came off. then we had sex. he asked me if it was ok and i said yes (through tears) and he continued. he didnt seem 2 mind that i was in intense pain and that towards the end i was crying. he was very sweet but i kinda felt violated... but i dont feel like i have a right 2. we've had sex several times since then.... give me ffed back... i m just confused and a little iritated.. ne help is appreciated.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay, time for a new boyfriend and STOP being such a damp rag - he betrayed your confidence and you did nothing to stop him.

SEX SHOULD ONLY BE ON YOUR TERMS.

Mind you, I think waiting until you're married isn't very wise nevertheless you both have to accept responsibility for this incident.

No do NOT be mad - just be gone from his life. Say "it's been fun but you betrayed my confidence and I cannot stand looking at you any more, goodbye." Get gone and stay gone.

[cyclefreak]

Yeah, it sounds like he was using you to get his own way. His 'sweetness' sounds like part of his persuasion technique. If you were in tears and feeling pain, then he should have understood that you weren't ready for it, but he didn't, and talked you into it instead. That shows selfishness and a lack of respect for you. You will be better off without him.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Hey now, she doesn't get a free pass here. If she has a conviction then she should have the courage and strength to go with and stay with that conviction.

Since she didn't, this guy will not believe a word out of her mouth and will continue to do what he wants with her regardless of what she says with the result you see here. Lack of self-respect.

To regain that self-respect, she now has to accept that yes, she did this. Then she has to stop seeing this man and get on with her life.

[aussiedude]

dump this guy. He didnt seem to mind that you were in intense pain, what kind of loving, caring, sweet guy is that? were you a virgin? sucks for you to have lost it to him...

[unknown11]

hmm didnt this happen to another member on the board?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes it did. shame some girls have to go through this but really, if she doesn't take control of her sexuality - these things will occur.

[Newtolove]

erm the word RAPE comes vaguely to mind ? he cleared his conscience by asking you if it was ok so I suppose technically it was not rape as you let him do it you should have stood up for yourself. now tell him to beat it he's not that caring

[sportdork6]

That's totally not cool what he did, you should be mad. That seemed like a total set up, and it was against your wishes. You did not make him aware of any change in your thoughts, you didn't give him any indications that you'd changed your mind, and all he does is a casual, "is this okay?" from what I gather, AFTER he has started to do it and doesn't use intense pain and tears as a reason to stop. That isn't someone who should get another shot, or anything. Tell him off and don't let any persuasive sweet talk or apologies or anything let you forgive him. That's rape with the technicallity that you said OK but even then it still was against your real will and asked after you started. Oh and stop having sex with this guy. He manipulated you, get that loser out of your life.