a foundation issue?

[Young&Restless]

I have been talking to this guy online since about late february of 2005. He is currently the love of my life. i'd do anything for him. Fact of the matter is, we've never met before. (avoid all the future replies of "he could be a pedo") i really love him and its unconditional. He feels as if maybe our relationship is as he says an "unhealthy addiction", where as i told him maybe we just deeply care about the other that we'd do anything for each other, even die for the other. i've never loved anyone soo strongly as i have him and i probably will NOT ever love someone soo boldy and strong. I try to assure him that what we have is great because it gives us oppertunities to work on communication rather than just relying on the physical of our relationship. i plan to go see him in the near future, but he's telling me that because we cant be physical with each other yet that our relationship is weak and until we get to it then our relationship can really grow. Can one agree? who's right and who's wrong? i mean, thats wat i love about this bond of ours, he cant love me for just the physical, but for my personality. i like to think wat we have is true love. i can talk to him about anything and i mean we do fight sometimes.. but its a matter of hours before we're talking again. i can not possibly imagine myself without him...

is it really an unhealthy addiction? or are we just soo in deep with love? idk ...i've never felt this way before i have nothign to compare this to... this has been quite the learning experience for both of us to grow on.

[sera300]

You speak with this person on-line and have done so for nearly two years now and have not met? To feel you would give your life for someone who you have never met, and all you know is what they tell you, trust me this is not normal, it is not a normal attachment.

You do not know who this person really is, all you know is what they want you to know. I am a big advocate of on-line dating but there a many predators and delusional people out there. They seems perfectly normal in communicating via on-line means only, until the time they meet you.

This said, here is a little story...I used an reputaple on-line dating service and communicated for 3 months with a man (as I did with many), spoke on the phone a few times, he seemed nice but lived too far away for me, the reason I closed him out as a match. Well, 7 months later he showed up on my doorstep, tracked me down from another state, and thought he was going to marry me. He continued this behavior for nearly 1 year and it became more bizarre then I am even telling you. It took an attorney going to his state and getting a restraining order to keep him from contacting me. Other's who have wanted to engage in too personal e-mails without meeting, later proved to be very married. My point is you do not know this person, you know someone when you spend time in person getting to know who they are and what they are about. How do you know this individual is not in a prison?

You may have feelings for this person but they are not real in the sense of not knowing the person...be careful this is very unusual.

[Young&Restless]

with the whole myspace thing, i have seen his pictures and talked on the phone, to his friends, and to his family, believe me.. i am not THAT stupid.. soo much more to it.. that adds up to being real... im usually good on pickin up clues of phoney-ness and i've yet to find one in him... im 99% sure its really who i am speakin with,... and well either way.. he has my heart..wat can i do?

[sera300]

You are missing my point, first what my space has to do with this I don't know. I am the more cautious of most people out there and had some unusual on-line experiences such as I have told you. What I AM saying, people can seem real and genuine and still be the furthest from who they seem to be in real life. As the one gentlemen I explained to you seemed to be nice, he was really a nut job. You do not know someone, until you spend time building a relationship with them. For example, how does he react when he is angry? You only know on-line and through phone calls. The true test in when you are face to face, day in and day out, when you cannot escape each other. People can conceal bad behavior very easily...this is what I am telling you. The only REAL thing you can do to see if what you believe is real is in fact real is to meet and to spend time together. I always say, you never know someone until you are married to them, meaning you get to know the real person when you are with them day in and day out.

[sera300]

One more thought; if he has pledged his undying love for you why has he not made arragements over the past two years to come and to meet you? The unwritten rule of on-line dating is the man comes to meet a woman where she is comfortable...have you invited him?

[Luvs2plzU]

I don't think it will matter what anyone tells you...unless it is what "YOU" want to hear. The defensive mechanisms have already reared up. Usually a guy would want to make that move to go see you and try to bonk you(sorry but that's what it is) and this guy is telling you something else! Me smells a rat!! Perhaps he has a REAL LIVE girlfriend where he is and is quite content with chatting and communicating with you! Does he mention just how DEEP in love he is with you? I won't hazard the guess yet!

[Young&Restless]

ebcause.. i am 16! AND he is 15.. thats why we cant go see each other! if he wasnt who he was.. i think i;d KILL him myself for faking such a thing and he would die with my bare hands because i will go SERIAL! lol

[Young&Restless]

and he does express sincerly his love for me.. i mean.. i no guys are dogs.. but.. can one be smart enough to fake SINCERITY? im no fool.. dont peg me for one

[sera300]

OKAY...now this makes a great deal more sense to me...chances are he is not a cyber-stalker . I can understand why, NOW that you explained his age, and yours that he cannot come to see you...it's kind of hard for him to drive on over...The perception I had, without the info., is you are both 18+. Just stay in contact w/him, understand that true love grows with time, and you both need time to spend together. Keep your possibilites open you both have so much more of your lives to live, and if you have waited this long to meet, you both have a whole life ahead of you, and if it's meant to be it will work out--stay in touch w/him. How far apart are the two of you? Do both of your parent know? What do they say? Are they willing to let you both meet? To really know that love will last forever, you need time together...He can love you for your personality, yes. I am 41, I fell in love when I was 14 (we dated for 3 years) and to this day I still love the man. We have met over the years, one of us was always or almost married when we would run into eachother...he was living in CA. He showed up before I married...I still wish I called the wedding off and went to talk to him!!!

[Luvs2plzU]

Oh I'm sorry...so I'll just reiterate I don't think it will matter what anyone tells you...unless it is what "YOU" want to hear. The defensive mechanisms have already reared up