Deaf guy here!

[deafguy]

Pardon the pun, well I can hear somewhat but not to the point that I can actually carry on a convo with more than one person. I just have this one question. How do you tell when a woman is interested in you when every girl treats me the same (ie. nice and friendly when they know I'm deaf). Being shy and I know I don't look like tom cruise or george clooney (seriously). I've never had a relationship and I'm 20. I'm starting to feel like **** that and just give up. I mean, everyone I know had at least more than 2 relationships before graduating college and I just hate being the odd man out because I've never actually been with a woman (relationship-wise). I'm not asking for any pity but just advice how to make this better for me, meeting woman and finding out their intention. I'm not looking to get laid( anyone reading this would think Id want to get laid) but it's hard to explain...seeing other experience those thing (ie relationship..joy...fighting...enjoying each other's company). I mean it feels like I'm cursed or something. I know it's a lengthy post but I'm just trying to give as much information as I can. Bluntly, it's hard to do anything when you dont know what anyone wants when they treat you differently just because you're deaf. I only had a few friends that treat me the same as anyone else but with girls I hadn't any luck, it may be because i've haven't tried but again it's hard to know if it's okay to try when you're unsure they're treating you differently because of the disability. I would rather be mute, ADD, missing a leg or an arm, half a brain or whatever. ANYONE please shine a light on this situation! this is something I've been dealing with for a long time, (I'm 20 but can't help but feel that I missed out on things that all of my friends have already experienced)

[browneyedgirl]

Deafguy, honestly I don't think your problem is being deaf. Everyone thinks that their situation is the worst, whether they be deaf, mute, short, skinny, fat, one-legged, blind, whatever. Sure, any physical/physiological differences can be handicaps to you, but they don't really have to be. Look at Stephen Hawking. He's married, he's brilliant, he gives lectures all over the world despite the fact that he has to have a computer talk for him, he has survived and triumphed despite a handicap that he was told would be a death sentence.

Being deaf is one of the better handicaps you could have, and it also sounds like you are only hearing impaired, rather than fully deaf. My feeling is that your deafness probably isn't the reason that you haven't had a relationship. I would think that your confidence level might be the real problem. If you think that you are different from other people or that people won't look at you like you're "normal" because of your impaired hearing, then people will treat you like that. You are what you perceive. If you go out there and flirt with girls and act like you are exactly the same as anyone else (and more importantly, THINK that), you will not be isolated anymore.

I want to point out here that thousands of people out there haven't had relationships at 20. Some people start dating at 11, some at 25, some at 40. You may just be a latebloomer, or maybe you just haven't found girls yet who you could really relate to. If you were overweight, you'd be thinking that that was the problem. If you were really short, you'd be thinking that was the problem. None of these physical differences account for the real cause of your situation.

The solution to your problem is to get out there and start talking to girls. Start flirting with girls. Ask girls out. Some girls will make it clear that they like you, some will play hard to get, but the only way to know if they will go out with you is to ask. Get out and socialize, and don't worry about people not accepting you because you are hearing impaired. If you don't worry about it and don't act as though it is a handicap for you, no one else will think it is.

Acquiring confidence and getting out into the social arena is easier said than done, but I think you will really reap the rewards if you do make this effort. I assure you there are PLENTY of girls who won't bat an eye at your deafness. Just be proactive about finding them!

Good luck!

[RickDalton]

Lower your standards. 99% of guys who can't get a date simply expect too much out of a first relationship.

There is an entire spectrum of women who can tranform your life for the better. A woman you wouldn't bat an eye at can become the most beautiful woman in the world to you in just a couple weeks. Give them a chance and enjoy getting to know somebody on an intimate level for the first time.

And stop it with the deaf talk. Seriously. I understand it's something you've had to deal with, but when it comes to meeting people, it's no different than being short or bald or fat or ugly, and PLENTY of guys are able to overcome those with great success.

I'm sure you bring plenty to the table that women love. Stop thinking about what you don't have and begin developing a way to make the most out of everything you do. Besides, it's fun to accomplish things against all odds.

Cheers,

Rick

[RickDalton]

browneyedgirl,

I'm happy to see we're doing our part to bring "bat an eye" back into mainstream chatter.

I don't know who you are yet I feel like I've known you my whole life.

Regards,

Rick

[EvilEvilKitten]

How to tell if a woman is interested in you?

1. she maintains eye contact for more than 20 seconds on purpose
2. she touches you on purpose
3. she talks to you for more than 30 minutes
4. she has grabbed you by the back of your neck and planted a deep kiss on your lips, from out of nowhere

I could go on and on but, seriously - if she wants you, she will let you know in no uncertain terms.

[cyclefreak]

Well, I beg to differ. Sometimes women send out mixed signals. I know, I've encountered it.

A couple of years ago I went out with a woman who seemed to be interested in me. I had met her the week before at a BBQ at a friend's place, and she gave me all the signals of being interested that EEK mentioned. We sat and talked for a long time, and she dropped lots of hints, asking questions about me, kept reaching over and touching me on the arm. And when she left, she gave me a fairly passionate goodnight kiss. This obviously sparked my interest, and I rang her up a few days later to ask her out, having obtained her phone number from one of her girlfriends (who rang her first to get her permission, which she thought was a nice thing to do).

We went to a restaurant, had a lot of conversation with plenty of eye contact, and some light touching, and ended up kissing VERY passionately when we left. That was an unexpected WOW moment that took us both by surprise.

Now you'd think this would mean she was really interested in me, right? Wrong! I was about to ring her again the next day, when she rang me to apologise, would you believe! Turns out she was breaking up with someone else at the time, and it was him she really wanted. As you might imagine, I was totally confused.

We went out together a few more times, but it all came to nothing in the end. It seemed that she couldn't get this other guy out of her head, and when she was kissing me, she was imagining she was with him. And all the time I was with her, I was trying to figure out where I stood in the situation.

Well, I guess it was inevitable, but eventually I managed to offend her with something I said. It was unintentional, an innocent remark, or so I thought, in an email that I sent her. I didn't even know she was offended at the time, as she didn't bother to tell me. She only told me when I rang her the next time to ask her out, which totally floored me.

I'm afraid that was the nail in the coffin. She was angry at me, and I was angry at her for not telling me earlier and springing it on me when I asked her out again. I mean, I can't read her mind, for goodness sake.

So, just because a woman gives you all the right signals, it doesn't mean she is really interested in you!

[EvilEvilKitten]

A woman who gives out 'mixed signals' is NOT interested in you - period.
It is either yes or no with a 'maybe' counted as being a no. Got it?
Please stop letting women get away with stupid games by not accepting them. Either she steps up or you step off.
cyclefreak - you should have said 'goodbye then' after the first date and subsequent phone call.

[cyclefreak]

Well, that's easy to say, but the initial signs were all positive and led me into believing that she was really interested. I don't see how I could have interpreted her initial behaviour any other way. And after that first phone call, I saw her again socially with some other friends, where she took me aside and told me that she would like to go out with me again. That time when we went out, it was a pleasant enough evening, but nothing much came of it. After that, I wrote the whole thing off and wasn't going to ask her out again. By the way, she didn't say anything about her relationship with the other guy during the phone call or on the dates. I only figured that out later from talking to friends.

However, a couple of months later SHE got in touch with ME to say that she had finally broken off with the other guy, and wanted to go out with me again. I thought, ok, she wants to give it another try, so we went out again another 2 or 3 times, but kept it very low key. It was really just to see if we could get to know each other better. It was during this period that we had the misunderstanding, which convinced us both that we were not compatible.

Look, there were no maybes in her initial behaviour towards me. Remember, SHE was the one who was hitting on ME at the start. And she was definitely interested in me, or at least curious, otherwise she wouldn't have resumed contact with me after her breakup.

So, got that?

[EvilEvilKitten]

You went out 2 or 3 times and nothing came of it? Sorry, but I do not 'date' men who don't 'put out' and I suspect, if she's my age, that you're going to have start being more assertive and less diffident if you want to meet women who enjoy both you and sex with you.

[Luvs2plzU]

brilliant retort