Boyfriends, Bosses and Professors

[HubchenHadchen]

Well where do I begin?

My bf and I have been dating (off and on) for a year and a half, I say off and on because we've broken up twice, and I've dated other guys in the meantime, and then gotten back together. Because of this, he has deveoped some deep trust issues with me hanging around with ANY other guys.


Situation #1 'The Boss Situation'-
Recently, we got a new boss at my workpace, and a lot of the employees dislike him, but myself, I've tried to at least be friendly to him, we joke around, there is a mild sexual innuendo, but nothing to get worked up about. I brought my boyfriend to our staff Xmas Party, and my new boss was there. My new boss had picked me (however randomly..) as his secret santa, and I got him aswell. I decided to get him a rather hillarious and sexual gift where as he got me exactly what I told him I wanted, jokingly and some cookies his grandma had baked.... Later in the evening, when we were leaving, my boyfriend began to feel greatly disrespected by my boss by completely forgetting my boyfriends name and kind of humilliating him. There has been some mild awkwardness at work, like if I'm on my break and my boyfriend is there and we've been discussing something important and catching my boss staring at us while were talking. Things are getting pretty awkward and weird between them both.
My boyfriend has been getting increasingly more and more threatened by this guy, and its starting to stress me out because he's my BOSS. I'm 20 and he's 25. I've made it perfectly clear to my Boy that nothing would happen in billion years as my boss had tried, at least, to stay anally retentively proffesional around his new coworkers rather than befriending them. Although, I say this to my boyfriend, I'm starting to think I might actually have a little bit of a crush on my boss, and I really need to watch out and be very carefull.

I'm so perpexed as to what is going on(with me, my boss and my boyfriend), and how to stop it - it's driving me CRAZY! Talking to my boss would be very awkward at work, but I don't typically see him anywhere else.

Situation #2 'The Professor Situation' -
I'm taking a course at a local smaller university, and one of my professors has seemingly taken a real sincere intrest in me (as a human being). We've spoken outside of class a few times, in the hallways, also afterclass as well, about various things, linguistics and art, etc. In one of these incidents of hallway conversation, when we were discussing something trivial, a few of my peers noticed us talking while they were walking by. I had this brought to my attention after him and i talked briefly in his office, and I entered the student lounge. I told one of my classmates that we were talking and she full out says "well he totally likes you" (juvenile way) infront of 5 other people. Some of her friends agree saying that when we are seen talking that we often look like we're flirting, and leaning in nice and close. Woah, my proff is a good looking, younger man, but there is definately nothing going on, that I know of.

My problem with this situations is : I have him for another semester, and I don't want my peers think I'm 'banging my various subject proff!' I want to continue to try and be friend with him because nobody else wants to discuss the things we talk about such as : the history of anglo-saxon linguistics and etimology, but I don't want to continually have to justify myself to my peers. All things aside, he is an attractive man, my friends could just be giving me a hard time because they might be jealous.... or they might actually think something is going on!

These are 2 of the situations that are currently driving me up-the-wall, and any insite would be nice, from outsiders.
-HH

(this also makes great material for my wayward fantasies)

[ua322]

I'll just go ahead and read between the lines here: you are obviously sending out signals to these men. You are either extremely flirtatious by nature or you are subconsciously indicating to other men that you are available.

I'm not saying any of that is wrong, but that is what is going on.

So your BF might have a bit of a reason to be jealous. Having said that, I think your BF has some issues of his own. Your flirtatious state of mind and his insecurity is really a bad mix - especially when you throw in your short, rocky history together.

You seem to me that you want to date around. I think you see your BF as "temporary" until the next better opportunity comes along (sounds like a better opportunity might have already come along during your previous breakups). If that is true, you would be doing both of you a favor by politely ending the relationship.

That's just my 2 cents.

[HubchenHadchen]

I think the biggest problem is that I do love my boyfriend but I can't stop flirting. we've broken up twice and i thought these other guys may be better for whatever reason, but they really weren't.
there is no one better.
ugh.
but i do sort-of agree

[EvilEvilKitten]

You like men and men like you, which is not bad, however, you do have BOUNDARY issues. Two things you have forgotten.

First: Men in positions of authority vis-a-vis you, are always BAD news. Fantasize all you want but NEVER go there in real life.

Second: Guys ONLY get the ONE 'second chance'. It is time you took control over yourself and your relationships.

What you are doing is desiring 'the big strong male' (boss & prof) and yet dating 'the little boy-in-a-man-suit' (jealous boyfriend). Why waste your time? If you really want a 'big strong male' then go out and find one and stop messing about with the 'disguised little boys'. If he's jealous - he's definitely NOT the guy for you. As to there's no one else better out there, well, there's no one better out there ...yet.

Happy hunting!

[HubchenHadchen]

ugh so true, this whole thing makes my stomach just churn, I don't know what it is but I have a bad feeling about something...
-HH

[bryrw06]

i think you're not totally happy with your man and you know that subconsciously. but its not a good idea to be romantically involved with your boss or your professor. i'm quite similar - i have a lot of male friends because i'm naturally flirtatious and i think i'm just being friendly but often its misinterpreted!

[Luvs2plzU]

some ladies juuuuuuuuuust exude sexuality...it like drips off of them...perhaps you are one of the fortunate!!...you are young 20 yrs old...don't bother getting "tied down" at this stage of your life...do have "some" boundaries and stick with them...but have some fun at this stage of life...get out and have fun!

[ua322]

Originally Posted by Luvs2plzU

some ladies juuuuuuuuuust exude sexuality...it like drips off of them...perhaps you are one of the fortunate!!...you are young 20 yrs old...don't bother getting "tied down" at this stage of your life...do have "some" boundaries and stick with them...but have some fun at this stage of life...get out and have fun!

Good advice. I think - right now - anyone she gets tied down to she'll end up cheating on. She's definitely not ready for a long term relationship right now and that's fine. But she needs to cut this guy loose instead of dragging him along and torturing him with her indecisiveness.

Just date around....

[HubchenHadchen]

just for the record..i was not considering dating my boss or proff...
just to get that straight

[ua322]

Originally Posted by HubchenHadchen

just for the record..i was not considering dating my boss or proff...
just to get that straight

So what, exactly, were you wanting opinions about? Did you get your questions answered in this thread?