12-06-2006, 08:37 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Fat guy ===== no love?
I have a few questions for the woman and men up here. Mostly the woman. As well as a rant.
I am for once in my life pouring everything inside of me out. Which is a lot if you couldn't tell by my username  lol. I am 6.0 at 325 pounds. I have a very analytical personality. I like to observe peoples behavior. I recently started a new job with a very diverse crew of workers. I have been asked a thousand times do you have a girlfriend/wife. I always respond with a joke regarding my weight and walk away. But later on after work when I come home. I think about the day what I could do better at work...etc. Then comes the time that hits me I am alone. My co-workers are always talking about who they hung out with the night before after work and I have no one to hang out with I just go home and study. Now don't get me wrong I do work out. I workout 5 days a week. Plus my job has some physical aspects. I am losing weight. Last year at this time I was at 6.0 and 485 pounds. But what I can't understand is why it is that we have some big women at work and they have boyfriends. I being the big guy can't pick up anything. I am getting tired of hearing about how women don't judge men like men judge women. I have been told millions of times in life I have a awesome personality. There is one guy at work that all the women think is the hottest guy in the world. Of course he is skinny and has cut muscles. I always hear about how strong he is. Not true. True you can see his muscles but that doesn't mean strong. The other day this all cute girl was in the break room and got a bag of chips out of the machine. They got stuck. Mr. strength says I got ya baby. He starts trying to rock the machine to get them to drop. HE COULDN'T DO IT. How funny. I was sitting there reading some paperwork. I began laughing and said hold a second. Meanwhile Mr. Strength said I got it. Gets a wire coat hanger and starts straighting it. I was already getting up I put my hands shoulder width apart and lightly rocked the machine until the chips feel. She said thanks baby. I said anytime.She went up to Mr.Strength and grabbed his arm said well at least you tried. He was pissed ..He said well this guy has a lot of experiance getting food out of a machine. I just laughed and sat down to get back to my paperwork. I knew I got him good. That remark was funny it proved he felt defeated for a change. I later heard a bunch of the girls talking about the incident and they didn't believe her. They where like that lard ass is stronger that bryan (Mr Strength). I don't have cut arms but any dumb ass can figure out that if you are real small. You don't have to workout hard to see some muscle. I because I am bigger have to lift more to be able to see just a little muscle come out. Where as if I was bryans size you would be able to huge muscle.I just don't get it. I am stronger than most of the skinny guys. I am confident but not cocky like them. I am begining to think that is what the issue is. I am not cocky. I have always had the belief that the empty can rattles the most. So to the ladies up here I must ask. What am I doing wrong? Do I need to be cocky? I have always been seen as a great friend but not a boyfriend. I know being freakin huge isn't atractive. But I have always heard women are not skin deep like most men. Is there any truth in the previous statement. I guess if I was a women I would be a little embarassed to be seen with the "big guy". But I as a man have never been ashamed to be seen with the "big girl". Could some body just give me a little insight on this. I have always heard women as so caring. I always even back in high school was the guy the girls would come to when they needed a shoulder to cry on because suprise one of the other guys treated them like ****. I have always been the protector and always trusted. Later in life like now the guys come to me gripeing with stuff like "oh man she is really going to leave me now".........."hey man what would you do if you woman said she feels......." I tell them what I would do and it at least 8 out of 10 times works. I just can't quite understand why the hell it is that the women can't look at me and tell I won't try to break there heart. The same way they can look at me and trust me with thier relationship issues. Do women like hurting? God knows I am so tired of seeing beatiful eyes crying I don't know what to do. I know I must help them but at what point will I no longer be there therapist? I thought women wanted a guy they could trust,that respected them. I can understand my size having something to do with it I guess. But at what point should I start thinking it is something other than my weight? This stuff never used to bother me. But the more I look around the more I notice I must be the only single person in the world. There is a christmas party that I did get invited to. I really want to go but I saw the guest list and I am the only single person on the list. I can't bear to be the only loser on the list that doesn't have a girlfriend or wife again. It makes everything so bad. So I guess I won't go. I will stay home and play guitar I suppose. I love music. I think everything has a song. When I feel the way I feel right now. I enjoy playing songs like "Behind blue eyes" by The Who..... or "Give a little bit." Anyway if anyone has any tips or suggestions I would owe you a big one. I guess it boils down to one last question. Am I too big for love? 
|
| Sponsored Links |
|
|
12-06-2006, 09:18 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
Babies in the backseat of cars cause accidents, accidents in the backseat of cars cause babies.”. ...
|
|
12-07-2006, 06:29 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
Babies in the backseat of cars cause accidents, accidents in the backseat of cars cause babies.”. ...
|
|
12-07-2006, 08:27 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
OK, in nature the best of the breed mate. The odd balls fall by the way side and eventually get left out of the gene pool. That’s just nature.
If a woman is looking for a long term relationship she should be looking at the big picture. Bottom-line; is this guy going to be a good provider, good father, and will he be there until the end. You have a job, that’s good. You are over weight and odds are your children will be overweight as well, that’s not good. By being so heavy odds are, as you get older you are going to have some serious health issues. The risk of heart attack and cancer go way up the heavier you are as you get older. You also have to make yourself available, sometimes what you might think of as mean and selfish behavior by a pretty boy who gets all the women, might not be all that mean and selfish. If someone projects from the very beginning who they are and what they are about, man or women, then I can respect that person. But if a person is always agreeable to everything and only goes with the flow, well you then you better be happy with where the flow is going to take you, odds are home alone. You have to communicate up front what you want, if you want to be a friend then be a friend! Don’t secretly pine away and be in love while she always goes home with another man and cries on your shoulder. That’s what her girlfriends and gay friends are for, don’t be her fat friend. The gay friend and fat friend is the same thing someone she can have an emotional relationship with, by not have to worry about the sexual tension. Best advice, loose the weight. But, do it only for you and your future. With your personality, that’s all you’re going to need. If you like being heavy, don’t expect to get the 5’4” blonde that weights 110 pounds. Maybe you need to open you selection to other ethnic women who appreciate men who are heavy.
|
|
12-07-2006, 11:51 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I do not think you are too big for love, but I do think you need to get out there, be social, and flirt. It sounds like you try to be everyones friend - do you try to be the boyfriend? Do you ask girls out? Do you have friends? Why not try hanging out with some people from your work?
Your first step here is to become social and develop some friends, male or female doesn't matter. Having platonic friends is pretty important, will make you happier, and then they can help you meet girls. It will also boost your confidence just to have a group of friends. Then, go out with friends and try to find nice girls. You are going to have to pursue girls, rather than expecting them to come to you. By the way, congratulations on your weightloss! That's fantasic, and keep up the good work. Yes, it will be easier to find a girlfriend if you are a little slimmer. Yes, often times there are those "hot", jerky guys who are actually pretty pathetic, as you described Bryan. Personally, I'm not into cocky guys. My boyfriend is not overweight, in fact he's skinny, but he's not cocky and I didn't go out with him because of his looks. He liked me for a long time before I went out with him and always has considered me to be "out of his league". Well, I don't think I'm out of his league, but when we started going out I had a choice of a number of cocky, jerky, "hot" guys or a guy who actually liked and cared about me, shared my interests, and who was sensitive and sweet. I was his first girlfriend, because other girls had dismissed him as a quiet, nerdy, "friend" type. In fact, he's the best boyfriend imaginable, we're very much in love, and there's no one I'd rather have. To me, looks only matter because you need to be attracted to someone who you wish to be romantically involved with. You don't have to be a magazine standard of attractiveness in order for someone to be attracted to you, though. I think many girls feel this way, but more immature ones are concerned about how other people will view their choice of companion, which makes them shallower. So, don't stay at home and study all the time! If you don't want to try to hang out with your coworkers, then find a hobby. Form a band, start talking to people at the gym, join a club, take group guitar lessons, whatever it is that you want to do. You are isolating yourself from meeting people by just returning home and being lonely each night. Before you meet a girl, you should probably just meet some friends. Even if you are in a sexual, romantic relationship, you are going to need to have other interests, or she will feel stiffled and like you are too dependent on her. As the old saying goes, you can't love someone else until you love yourself. You need to have a life outside of a relationship, and outside of work or school. Once you start meeting people, talk to more girls. Flirt with a cute girl at the coffee shop, at your work, wherever. You'd be surprised how it goes. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope this helped!
|
|
12-07-2006, 06:28 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
12-07-2006, 10:11 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Toobig4luv - yeah you're out there in the HWP department but don't let that deter you fom getting out and hanging out with people. Flirting is permitted but you have to reek of confidence and not desperation. At your size, you need to cultivate the Teddybear image - someone warm, safe, and reliable that a woman can take to bed with her with complete confidence. Keep working out, get in some aerobics, and work on talking with women as people in addition to flirting with them. As for cocky, well, a man should have a set but he needn't wave them in the ladies' faces. I'd say be cool, not cocky.
|
|
12-07-2006, 10:20 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Okay buddy...you've dropped the gauntlet!!...girl interested in you?? Get after it NOW!!..who gives a flying phuck what you are driving??...she likes you!! she'll get over the wheels..I've already asked you...Are you happy with YOU at the end of the day??...who do YOU have to impress to make you happy??...if you can't make you happy...you are not going to make any one else happy...geezuz man...you've got personality,PLUS you got your pilots license...PLUS you have the guts to work out 5 times a week..you have things happening for yourself!!..I like your perfectionist attitude BUT...if you are letting on to others about this, this could be your achilles tendon...perhaps the ladies are more afraid about living up to YOUR expectations than they are afraid of dating someone your size??....Like I've said before...it looks like you are well grounded..show that you can be a fun guy and not judgemental and let the chips fall...Quit worrying about how important people are ....here's a little thing to always remember...this applies to Bill Gates also...How much will the world miss me if I'm gone....fill a glass 1/3 full of sand and rocks.and fill the rest of the glass with water,now take ONE granule of sand out..document how much the water has been displaced...that is exactly how much THIS WORLD will miss you and anybody!!(including yours truly)
__________________
Babies in the backseat of cars cause accidents, accidents in the backseat of cars cause babies.”. ...
|
|
12-07-2006, 10:43 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Too big,
You need to stop beating yourself up. You don't need to be a social butterfly or anything. I've never had that many friends, either, but I do have a couple friends that I can call up if I want someone to hang out with. When it comes down to it, my boyfriend is the person I value most, and my best friend. I hang out with him at least 4 times a week. My point was just that meeting more people might open up the doorway to more chances of meeting girls, as well as just being good for you psychologically. Another issue I think is valid is where you are living. You say that your locale is not a good place to meet other people with similar interests. I know this may be impossible due to your flight training program, but you might consider moving elsewhere. Some places are more close minded than others. A large city atmosphere would have a lot more people to meet and be friends with, with a larger spectrum of interests and more likelihood of finding people you could connect with on a deeper level. I understand that that may not be feasible for you at this time, but traditionally, intellectuals and people with a great deal of ambition tend to be misunderstood pariahs in smaller, less diverse communities. I just want to bring this up because I think it is also important to consider that it might not always be your "fault" that you feel this way about your coworkers and the people you meet, it may also have something to do with those people and the mindset of the place you are living in. I say this because I have never had many people who I relate to, as well. When I read "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" I really connected with Joyce's character, who feels as though he never really had a youth, who always feels as though he's on a different plane of consciousness, to some degree, from his peers. The smartest, most perceptive people usually aren't the ones with hordes of friends. You sound like a very intelligent guy, and also very intense and sensitive. In a lot of ways, it is much easier to befriend a person of average intelligence and magazine interests because most people just relate better to these people. You might just be different, but that doesn't make you of any less value. It's great that you are interested in girls as people and don't want to hurt them or be a total jerk. It's great that you listen and try to be people's friends. It's great that you have the ambition and drive to become a pilot. It's great that you have the motivation to lose all the weight that you have lost and to keep going. These are major achievements, beyond what a lot of people ever do accomplish in their lives. Remember what you HAVE done, and try to feel a confidence in these things, rather than bemoaning what you have yet to do. You really need to establish confidence. This is easier said than done, but it is very important that you look inside yourself and can learn to be proud of the milestones you acheive. I can see why your instructor was mad at you - it is very frustrating to try to help someone who can't help themselves. If you look at an event that was supposed to be very important for you, and instead of being happy about that, nitpick about everything you did wrong and the fact that you didn't have a spouse or girlfriend there to congratulate you, you're just missing the big picture. Worse, you are stopping yourself from enjoying life. I can understand your want for love, but true happiness will come only from yourself, and your willingness to let yourself experience happiness. You have set up an idea in your mind that being in love will validate your existence, but it will not. This will need to come from you. No person can make you worth anything more than you are worth; your worth is determined by your own perception of yourself. For as long as you choose to believe that you cannot do well in social interactions, you will not. For as long as you believe that you cannot approach a girl, you will not. For as long as you believe that you cannot be in a relationship, you will avoid being in one or sabotage any that you do become involved in. You will allow yourself to be only what you percieve of yourself. You must move past these assumptions and at least pretend to have confidence. If you act as though you are confident, people will think you are and interract with you the way they would interact with a confident individal - by paying you notice and being interested in what you have to say. Stand tall, speak clearly, and make eye contact. OK. Now that I have said this, I want to move on to the girl you mention. Why haven't you asked her out? She tells coworkers that she wants you to ask her out. She blushes when she sees you. She flirts with you. She shows interest in you. Then what is this post about? You have your answer to your problem. You like her, she likes you. Why make it so complicated? All you need to do is ask her out. It sounds to me like she will definitley say yes. And hey, what's the worst thing that can happen? She says no. So what? Guys ask girls out every day who turn them down, and they just move on and ask out another girl. It's as simple as that. Yes, you do have to accept that risk, but would you rather go through life wondering what it's like to be in a relationship because you never had the courage to ask her out, or would you rather risk rejection and go for something that could end up great? To quote Nike, JUST DO IT!!! I wish you the best of luck, and if you want any more advice, I'm here.
|
 |
«
Previous Thread
|
Next Thread
»
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
Linear Mode
|
|
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:50 AM.
