how to ask him

[confused296]

I met this guy through an online dating site. We talked online for about 1 week before we met up. We had a good time at the mall when we met up the first time, so he invited me over to him apartment the following week. Now, it's been almost 2 months since we started talking. I've been over to his place for a couple of times and we had good times watching movies, hanging out, and we made out once (recently). But he haven't said anything about where we're going with this. I want to know what he's thinking about our relationship, but I don't know how I should ask or should I ask now or should I wait for a little longer and maybe he'll say something. I'm kinda traditional and just feel kinda dirty doing things with him when we're not really in "a relationship". Please give me some advices, thanks!

[EvilEvilKitten]

He's waiting for you to give him the 'it is now, baby' signals which you aren't going to do because you feel that sex with him has to lead somewhere. You are doing what is called 'future thinking'. "I need a relationship" or else what? You feel dirty? Why? Is pleasure bad for you? If you were entirely happy being traditional you would not be here asking for advice. To him, this whole 'traditional' thing means 'entrapment'. "If he wants the sex he has to marry me to get it". Either he will convince you to have sex without this relationship and you'll feel 'used'. OR You'll marry him and then he'll feel 'used'.
You two will break up.

[confused296]

Thanks for your reply. But there's no relationship in the first place. We're not even bf/gf. I wanted to know if he wants me to be his gf or not. It's not like he has to marry me to have sex, at least I would like to know if he's just playing around with me or he actually wants me and wants to be in a serious relationship. Aren't most girls loyal to their bfs? They don't just have sex or make out with guys who they don't even call bf as.

[dancingdoc2]

At this point assume that he is enjoying your company.

If you want to know what the status of your friendship is, you'll have to ask him sooner or later unless he decides to take the lead and make his intentions clear.

[confused296]

Thanks Dancingdoc2. Do you think I should ask now or wait for him? In another word, do you think he'll ever make his intention clear? You are right that I feel that he enjoys my company and I feel the same way toward him. I just want to be clear about the direction of our relationship.

[dancingdoc2]

Let me polish my crystal ball.....

Shucks, I don't know. How much time have the two of you spent together or chatting the past two months? This should be a general indicator of how things are going. If you are doing things together frequently and the two of you are enjoying each other's company then you might want to let the question ride for a month or two. On the other hand, if this togetherness of yours is haphazard, then I'd ask what his intentions are--after informing him that you would like to more things together and explore the possibilities. If this doesn't scare him off then pop the question so you can learn where his head is.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Wait. If he comes back for another date - he most likely wants more. If he keeps coming to you then he wants a relationship. You won't have to ask him anything.