Not Respected In Relationship

[PaulOrama]

Everything (as is the case in most relationships) started out amazing. My girlfriend always showed affection towards me and both of us cared for and respected eachother. I couldn't have been happier.

Recently, however, things have been different. I'm beginning to feel as if she doesn't respect me... or something like that. It seems we can't go a single day now without her saying something that, while intended to be a joke, is hurtful and just brings down the relationship. I usually have a good sense of humor and these are things I would find funny if not said during even the most serious moments when I just want to be happy with her. An example can be today I went to kiss her and she turned her head and said, "I don't want to kiss you, your breath smells." Now.. my breath didn't really smell haha and usually this would just be something I could laugh at and joke around with her about... but it's every single day and every time I try to show affection I either get no reaction or something like that. Another example is that she knows I'm uncomfortable with her drinking and going to parties, but I promised her I would try to get over that (this is after she promised me 3 times she would stop going... none of those promises lasted longer than a week.) Despite this, whenever she sees somebody getting really drunk on television or somebody is talking about partying she will turn to me and say something like "Oh that's what I love to do" or "I like to drink that right out of the bottle." At first I could just laugh at this but now it actually bothers me and makes me feel as if she doesn't care how I feel.

When she does this now I usually just give her a look of "what are you doing?" And she'll say, "it's just a joke jeeze." I've tried talking to her about it and telling her it bothers me and several times during these talks shes cried and said "I always mess everything up" and I tell her she hasn't messed anything up and that I still love her no matter what... but the next day it'll go straight back to that.

Other things make me feel as if she doesn't respect me as well. Such as asking me to get something that's right next to her when I'm across the room and things such as that.

I'm not sure what to do. I can't stay in a relationship where I get frustrated so easily because half the time now she makes me feel bad. I've talked to her so many times about this but its done nothing. This is my first "serious" relationship (almost 7 months now, we're both 18). Things have been this way for about the past 2 or 3 months. I want more than anything for things to be as amazing as they were before all of this... I want to be able to show my girlfriend the affection she deserves and get the same from her. She still says she loves me and I believe her... she just doesn't show it anymore, at least not nearly as much or in the same way.

[unknown11]

what u should do i try and do some thing like wut she is doing to u o tell her to stop and respect you or else u dont want ne thing to do with her

[PaulOrama]

I've thought about that but I'm trying not to give an altamatum.

Today I talked to her a little bit and she told me shes been feeling depressed. She told me it doesn't have anything to do with me but just that she's stressing out a lot (shes always had small anxiety problems) about work and just things that shouldn't be stressed about. She told me she doesn't feel attracted and is afraid I think she's "gross". I've always told her I think she's beautiful... and I do. She said she's going to make an appointment with a therapist and get on medication (shes been on the medication before).

I'm hoping this is whats been behind all of this. I kind of feel like I let her down because she thinks that about herself but I'm not sure what else I could have/can do.

I'm still not sure though. I went to kiss her before she got out of my car to go to work (I drive her to/ pick her up from work) and she turned her head for me to kiss her on the chick. I stopped leaning over and said "kiss me" and she turned back and barely did. I asked her after if everything was alright and she said it was just her anxiety... but I don't know.

I really hope all of this works out. I love her more than anything and it hurts every time something like that happens.

[unknown11]

make sure to comfort her alot and maybe to get things going with u too in bed(if at that stage or if u wnt to make her feel better) then just massage her back(recommended to use an oil of some kind

[AnonymousGirl]

Whoah, that sucks. Unfortunately it sounds to me an awful lot like she's jerking you around. But counseling etc. is worth a try, especially if she's had those issues before. What with the appearance thing and lots of drinking, it sounds like she doesn't have very much self-esteem, which could explain both her unwillingness to be intimate and her insulting you (many people with low self-esteem put other people down to make themselves feel better).
Please understand that this is not your fault! Especially the appearance bit. Lots of girls, especially teen girls, go through issues with their appearances, and it really is in their heads--unless you were actually putting her down about it (which is apparently not the case), it's not something you can fix for her.
Dealing with someone with low self-esteem is difficult and infuriating, especially someone close enough to you that they know what kind of things are hurtful to you. I've had two friends who have had this problem. Counseling can help, but ultimately it's down to them and how they shape their attitude towards life. I hope you two can get through this, best of luck.

[Cleveland]

It's very possible that she is having panic and/or depression related issues. This can easily cause a lack of self esteem--she doesn't feel worthy of your affection and therefore rejects you. She needs to get back into therapy and back onto meds. Most of these meds take a couple of weeks to kick in.

You guys are only 18 and this is a load for you. Try to get some support from older adults--friends, siblings, etc. You are too young to handle this on your own...

Good luck!

[PaulOrama]

Thank you all so much.

I've decided I am going to try to stick this out until after her doctors appointment and once her medicine takes affect. Also, Unknown, we are sexually active... and I rub her back every night after work haha.

I really hope this works out. Earlier today I talked to one of my good friends about it and that kind of helped.

Thank you all again!

[ua322]

Originally Posted by PaulOrama

... I want to be able to show my girlfriend the affection she deserves.....

What exactly did she do to "deserve" it? It sounds like she likes stringing you along.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by PaulOrama

I've thought about that but I'm trying not to give an altamatum.

Today I talked to her a little bit and she told me shes been feeling depressed. She told me it doesn't have anything to do with me but just that she's stressing out a lot (shes always had small anxiety problems) about work and just things that shouldn't be stressed about. She told me she doesn't feel attracted and is afraid I think she's "gross". I've always told her I think she's beautiful... and I do. She said she's going to make an appointment with a therapist and get on medication (shes been on the medication before).

I'm hoping this is whats been behind all of this. I kind of feel like I let her down because she thinks that about herself but I'm not sure what else I could have/can do.

I'm still not sure though. I went to kiss her before she got out of my car to go to work (I drive her to/ pick her up from work) and she turned her head for me to kiss her on the chick. I stopped leaning over and said "kiss me" and she turned back and barely did. I asked her after if everything was alright and she said it was just her anxiety... but I don't know.

I really hope all of this works out. I love her more than anything and it hurts every time something like that happens.

Warning: medication for anxiety and depression, more often than not, leads to the person becoming as affectionate as a rock.

My wife is just one of thousands of examples of that.

[PaulOrama]

Originally Posted by ua322

What exactly did she do to "deserve" it? It sounds like she likes stringing you along.

I've never really thought of it that way.

It's not like that all the time though. There are days/moments where things will be terrific but then out of nowhere she'll change. The majority of our relationship is good, I don't want to give the impression of something other than that... but still these things just seem pointless and hurtful to both of us.

Back to your question of what she did to deserve it... tonight we were laying together and talking and she brought up how she always gets nervous when I do things for her or surprise her, but then when she was telling me how she told everybody about the last time I surprised her she brought up how one of her friends said some messed up things about me. This didn't really bother or surprise me since this particular friend enjoys drama. But the more my girlfriend talked, the more it sounded like she didn't stick up for me at all when she said "I just laughed and said 'yeah I know'."

I guess you're right.