Need Help please. Any help would be great

[New2luv]

I could greatly use any advice from Male or Female.


Ok I am new here. Let me tell you a little about myself before I get to business. I am 20 years old. I live in a small, very small town. I am a on/off again student pilot hoping to enter a career in Business Aviation. I am currently unemployed(which is really bugging me ). I have been taking care of family issues as well as trying to get a job in a city that has almost NO openings. Now to my big problem.

I met this great girl, from the moment we saw each other we both where curious to find out more about the other. She was very coy. She would blush like mad and when she looked me in the eyes she had a very soft dreamy look. Unlike most gals I have met this one made me feel warm inside. I could tell right away this gal was the girl you would want to spend time with. Not just a one night stand. One of those girls that you would feel horrible if you did something to hurt them. The issue is the time we talk to each other is very short due to the fact she is at work when I see her. I would love to ask her out but.....Like I mentioned above I am unemployed. That also means I don't have a car. I can get a loaner every now and then but that car is a mess one brake works and the rear end is smashed from a bad accident. What am I to do. If I had a job and car I would ask her out in a heart beat. I know no woman would want to go out with a unemployed guy. I don't know If I blame them. But I guess its just unfair. Its not like I am unemployed because I like doing nothing. I really can't find a job. All I want to do is find a job get to college and live a ordinary life. I could ask her out and hope she can meet me where ever we go but what if she can't. I don't like being seen in this car I can get. I wouldn't expect her to be seen in it either. It just bugs me my mind says wait until you get a job,car and my own house then ask her out. But my heart says don't let another moment go by without asking her out. What to do? I could lie to her and make up something. But I don't want to start a relationship with a lie. This girl is the understanding type. But I just don't know if she would understand this. She is so connected. I can fake a smile any time and most people buy it but the other day she asked me how I was doing and I told her Fine and smiled. She said no your not. I said Yeah I am. She said I can look in your eyes and tell you have something bugging you. I was kind of shocked. I guess. Everybody thinks everything is great with me. When I know they just simply aren't. But this girl didn't buy it. She could tell. I feel by her actions that she is not the look at me type nor is she the popular girl. That sweet girl that no guy wants because she isn't easy. The girl I have been looking for.

I have her attention from the time I walk in the door until I leave. Everytime I leave I glance back to see her again and I catch her looking at me she will blush and look down in a hurry. I can't figure this out. I am not a good looking guy,I am certainly not rich. But I am told all the time I am a great listener. I am told that people feel safe when I am around. I feel like we connect because she can see the things about me that most women can't and vice versa. I have been told by some of my friends that i have hooked up with much more beautiful gals. I loved her beautiful brown eyes and her smile and long flowing silky hair before I noticed anything else. But this girl is beautiful in her own way. She stands out from the rest to me. Apparently just to me. Just the other day I asked her about something she told me in a previous conversation. The look on her face was of excitement,joy and shock. She said She hardly is ever asked how her day goes. I felt kind of sad about that. I can't imagine someone not caring enough about her to ask her how things are going for her. Yet I felt good about asking her because I really care. Plus I got another chance to see that sweet smile that makes me happy in ways I haven't felt in such a long time. I just don't know what to do. This is the first choice in life I have stumbled on making. I just can't get my heart and mind to be as one. I just can't face knowing that she will want to know where I work and I have to say that I am unemployed. I feel like It would change the way she feels about me. I can't face that. yet I wouldn't blame her.

Any help would be wonderful. I am hoping to hear some feedback from the ladies up here. I guess my question to them would be

Would you date a unemployed not so good looking guy that has a heart of a lion?

[New2luv]

Anyone there. I could really use some advice.

[Mandelbaum]

awwwww, thats so sweet. I'm a guy so can't speak from the ladies point of view . All I have to say is go for it, ask her out, guaranteed you'll regret it if you don't.

[Play]

My gosh !! Get your ass down there and ask her out!! You dont need a flash car or have lots of money to have a girl like you. If she dosent like you because you dont have a car then your wasting your time.! If she asks just tell her what uve told us. If you live in a small town there must be a nice park or something you can go to, you dont have to spend money to have a good time ! She sounds lovely! And if you like her as much as you say you do, then GO FOR IT !!

[dancingdoc2]

As the saying goes... "been there done that." After college I went to one of the top flight schools in the nation and earned my commercial pilots license w/multi-engine and instrument ratings, plus CFI. I chose this route rather than taking lessons at the local airport because, like you, at the time I wanted a career in aviation and believe to this day that the best way to acquire the knowledge and the skills beyond what is federally mandated is to study at a school where aviation is the primary focus. Like you, I had little money so had to work my way through school. This required a move half-way across the U.S. Now, having told you my story, it is certainly possible to learn to fly at the local airport and enter the business world of aviation, yet it seems to me that if you want to achieve this goal, you will have to leave your small town and go somewhere where empoyment is more readily available. If you concur, then why not go to a city where there is a great aviation school. You know there are several around the U.S. Send for information from each one and choose a couple and then talk to the enrollment people about jobs and housing.

As for the girl you have your eye on, I'd suggest telling her your story and see if she is interested in establishing a friendship and possibly dating you in your present situation. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

* If you decide to stay where you are, then play this out based upon her reply.

* If you decide to move away, then you can still keep in touch like I did with a girl back home that I befriended while in high school.

At your age, you should have the following goals:
* Primarily your education
* Dating lots of girls, not just one and stoping with the first warm body who expresses an interest in you. The reason for dating lots of people is to learn more about what humanity has to offer so that when the time does come to choose Ms. Right, you will be better able to make the right choice. Sample the variety of characters available, people's goals, ideals, objectives, quirks, likes, dislikes, morals, personalities, etc. You will be a better more rounded individual for having had these experiences.

* As for dating, consider double dating with a friend who has transportation.
* Is public transportation available? If so, avail yourself of it.

* Do things together that do not require having a car. Before cars, people used to walk. Walking was in vogue even when a person could not afford one. Think parks, fields, lakes, streams, book stores, cafes, movie theaters, malls, etc.

I hope this is of some help. Got questions?

[Luvs2plzU]

Geez DOC...no wonder yer a chick magnet...pilot and dance instructor!! I'm going to have to start waving my white flag!!!....LOL....keep up the great advice you share here!!...^5

[New2luv]

Thanks for the help everyone. I think when I see her Friday I will ask her out. I am going to a airshow Sun. I just don't think that would be a good first date.

Dancing doc,
I plan to go to Airline Transport Professionals. My plan is to find a job around here and get a car then move 50miles west of here where the job market is great and the school is. In fact just during hangar chat I have been offered a few ramp rat jobs but just don't have a vehicle to make the commute. I just can't get the money for the car yet due to the Job issue. I don't plan to live where I am curently for much longer. The deal around here for careers is one of those almost like coal miner deals. IE. Most people around here work in plants and such. They don't care about futher ed. I do so college is really important to me. I didn't stress that so much in my first post because I am very confident that I will suceed in the Av. Business. Not so sure about this gal though. But yeah I have dated quite a few gals before but I really feel something for this one. In fact most of my other relationships sufferd because the gals didn't like the fact that aviation takes a lot of time. That and I just don't like the trailer park mentality. But this gal I may ask out doesn't have that attitude. In fact I am placing big bets she didn't grow up around this area.


But to get back to the issue at hand. I am not saying I am completely broke or cheap. I just don't have enough for a car. I see it pointless to buy a car and have no job. I wouldn't be able to afford gas or issurance. But I would love to have her company at a nice meal. I guess I just am a little afraid of rejection. That and had the business I worked for not closed and the job market was so bad. At 20 I was thinking I would be at least 2 years through a degree with a AMEL Com. rating working on a ATP. Sadly I guess I just feel like trash almost not deserving of this gal. I am told at least 10 times a day that is a major fault in my personality. Since I can't work I try to limit my pleasure to very little fun. I know DOC will understand this part but the last time I have fun was at a Airshow a week ago and I will be going to one this weekend and that is it. I feel like since I don't work I shouldn't have fun. That is something I am trying to change. I think maybe I will ask her out and we can have some fun. She doesn't seem to be one those girls that wants a money man just someone to have fun with.

Anyway I will let you know how this turns out. Maybe I don't have to have a ATP with four stripes and fly for Net Jets to get a gal.

Doc, I also meant to add about public transport. We have that but only in the city it self. I live in the hick town sticks and she works about 15 miles futher in the sticks. So public transport wouldn't help in this case. If it would I be on in a heart beat.

[dancingdoc2]

It is OK to have doubt and apprehension. Just take what you have learned and quite literally "go for it". Everyone at one time or another has some anxiety; just recognize that it is normal and go around it.

ATP seems to be a good school. They certainly have a lot of locations, including one where I live. I attended Spartan School of Aeronautics in Tulsa and Sierra Acadamy in Oakland. How ya doin'? How many hours do you have, or should I ask??

[New2luv]

I started taking lessons at my local port two years ago. I have only 2.5 hours in a 1974 172m. I have been hanging out at the airport just watching,learning for about 10 years. I have always known flying is what i wanted to do. I took a intro flight just before I started lessons and it was great. Then all hell broke lose with some family issues. Every since I have not been able to get things going again. But the good news on that side is that a few pilots heard what was happening with my family because they didn't see me at the Airport any more and One gave me the King ground school on CD-rom another sent me the king VHS tapes and a ton of Faa and jep. books. I had already ordered the Sportys DVD ground school. So i have three types of ground school. I study them every chance I get so when i get my chance to go to the flight school I will have at least had quite abit of time to study. That is the one thing I do like about small town living. When someone finds out something is wrong with you or your family they help you in everyway. I make sure I return the favor though.
I thank everyone for there help. But DOC you seem to know exactly what I am talking about. This I know you can relate too. When I have talked to gals before. I was interested in them but when I made my approach I felt like I was talking to just another person. When I talk to this one gal. I have that same feeling that you feel when you are given the clearance for take-off. I used to only have that feeling when I was flying. But now when I talk to this girl too. That feeling of checking to make sure everything is good to go.(Hair ...check....shirt not wrinkled...check....breathe pleasent....check) That feeling of making sure before you roll your alignment is perfect. When we start talking its like rolling down the runway. Your nervous yet..focused..but so excited. Then when our converstion is underway its that feeling only a pilot or someone that gets it could understand. The feeling of leaving the runway that feeling of everything that bugs you everyday that plays in your mind is all below you. Your nervousness is gone ....only pure joy is left now. Then when we have to break the converstation because she is at work. I feel like we have the engine out. That bad feeling that everything that was a few seconds before is all over. You have watched the prop stop and you know what you have to do. But anyway thats kinda I how feel when I talk her. I have never felt that way speaking to any other girl. The more I think about this feeling the more I wonder what could it mean. I have gone out with about 6 girls after high school. None of them where anything long term. We just wanted to have fun and gain experience. But with this gal I feel such a pull to her for some reason. This Friday or Saturday I will at least get her number. I have almost looked at my issue so much that there isn't much I could lose right now.

I would love to have her join me for breakfast one day. I guess Brianna, the waitress at the cafe would freak out to see me put down stick and rudder for a change. She is a sweet gal,every time I come in she asks will I ever get my face out of the books and live a little.I guess its that time.

[dancingdoc2]

Yup, your account did bring a wry knowing little smile to my face. Your feelings are not unlike those expressed in the poem "High Flight":


" Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds -- and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of -- wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew --
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Interestingly Magee was also a teenage poet when he wrote "High Flight." Magee died in his Spitfire on December 11, 1941 at the age of 19, just a few weeks after penning the poem. He was born in Shanghai, China in 1922, the son of missionary parents; his father was Scotch-Irish-American, his mother English. He earned a scholarship to Yale in 1939, but in September 1940 he dropped out of college and into the Royal Canadian Air Force. He was sent to England for combat duty in July 1941, where he flew sorties in defense of England and fighter sweeps over France, rising to the rank of pilot officer. "High Flight" was written on the back of a letter to his parents which stated, "I am enclosing a verse I wrote the other day. It started at 30,000 feet, and was finished soon after I landed." After Magee's death, the sonnet came to the attention of the Librarian of Congress, Archibald MacLeish, who included it in an exhibition of poems called "Faith and Freedom" in February 1942. The poem subsequently was widely copied and distributed. MacLeish acclaimed Magee as the first poet of the war. "High Flight" came to be knows as "the pilot's creed."

With some exceptions, I subscribe to the school of thought in modern psychology that believes that if you want to affect a change, you begin modeling the change you wish to adopt. In other words, you act your way to success and before long you will not be "acting". The change will become second nature and an integral part of your character. I offer the following for your consideration with regard to what you said, above.

The key word is "soar" as noted in Magee's poem. Instead of thinking about your "engine" concking out and the prop stopping, consider that you are soaring on the "wind" of what has propelled you to such emotional heights. Even though your conversation may have ended for the time being, you can still maintain the emotional component for a long time as you glide leisurely back to tera firma.