My problem..

[TonyMontana]

Hello I'm new here but felt like reaching out because of my confusing past few years.

First off I'm 22 years old, never been in a relationship, never had sex, never any foreplay kissing ect. I feel that is wierd for most guys my age but I do have a reason I have stayed this way. For about 5 years I have cared about one girl, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a romantic and I have cared about her for a long time. For the first 2 years I was too shy to ever say anything, but with a lot of work I finally got to know her down here at college *one of the reasons I came to this college was to get to know her more* Now we became some what friends, and she trusts me cuz to everyone I'm always "the nice guy" never mean never yells stuff like that.

But she's the popular girl, the one that everyone wants to be around, and I"m not gonna lie, she is immature, but she has done a lot of growing up in college. She is a socialite, very beautiful. But I'm the shy guy that people all my friends say I'm a good looking guy, but I'm shy and nice. I was always the quiet type, and I'm not super aggresive, I stand up for what is right but I'm not a super aggresive guy, I'm not the popular jock but people always seem to like me. But no one ever shows me respect because people just find it easy to use me.

But to get to the facts, she is now dating some one, she hadn't for a long time while I slowly got to know her more *to make sake of this post I am in love with her and many years of being patient has proved this* I really want to share my sexual experinces with her, this relationship she is in is definatley immature. Now people always say I'm 5 years older then I am cuz I practaly had to raise my self when my father died, I was raised mainly by my mother and thats why girls think I'm nice cuz I always treat people with respect.

But for a while this girl finally started to hang around me more then boom, she started dating this guy, she never told me about it and stopped talking to me until they broke up, then they got back together then broke up again, and now they are back together. But I'm just ...I have no confidence, and I can't find it. I feel that I'm 22, no experience. She is 20 and she has (I know for a fact she has had sex) but I just feel so afraid and alone out here, all my friends are dating, and I"m always the single guy. People say I look sad a lot well I have lost a lot of people close to me just bad luck I guess, but just I'm always nice and people never treat me with the respect back.

Sorry for the long post but it is complicated to me. I just dont' understand why girls seem to just want to use me then leave me once they have gotten something. And the girl I care about, I am a romantic and I have only ever had feelings for her, I'm not the kind of guy that runs around and just dates left and right.

But what should I do? She really does not talk to me a lot when she is dating him this I understand...but I just am confused and scared that I will never get the chance. And just why do people treat me so bad? Some say it's immaturity but man does it hurt. Any suggestions- besides going out and grabing some other girl. Or just bluntly telling her. I know that would not work.

[NizeGie]

Originally Posted by TonyMontana

Any suggestions-

Sure! What you should do is ...

besides going out and grabing some other girl.

... oh.

Never mind.

(Though "grabbing" isn't the word I would've used. Or "grabing," for that matter, unless you're a mome rath.)

[Luvs2plzU]

With all due respect Mr TONY MONTANA...whatever you do ...DO NOT START with "say ello to my leeedle friend"

[TonyMontana]

See I guess to sum it up more, I'm really having problem with my confidence due to a few things.

1. My age I'm 22 years old and have done nothing at all, though I have had many oppertunities to I just wanted to share it with the girl I truly care about.
I feel really awkward because I'm 22 and everyone else around me has exceeded me. One time there was a girl I was kinda getting close to and I told her that I was a virgin later on and she did not want anything to do with me.

2. I always feel left out, and just not appreciated. One of my friends girlfriends said yea it's because your the nice guy, and we never get anything I guess. And it does hurt because it is not in my blood to hurt or be mean to anyone. I do stand up for things that I believe to be so, but I don't create drama.

To me it seems in this world people say go out date a lot of people, that is what society is telling everyone...thats why I believe divorce is at an all time high. People just take that saying "there is many fish in the sea" way too far, where a person will never become satisfied or see what they have in front of them.

I admit I've been waiting 5 years, and now she is dating some one else even though it is an immature relationship. I just guess I believe in true love, I meet a lot of people but no one that does it for me, I do not like it when people tell me go find some one else.....I'm not gonna break some one elses heart cuz I don't really care for em. I think too many people especially guys just think its ok to run around and just "practice"

And I am confused about being a nice guy....I guess I'm asking the older forum members does it pay off, do these girls begin to grow up and stop dating the ass holes and relize that the nice ones are the ones to be with?


PS. Lol don't worry I won't say "Say hello to my little friend"

[NizeGie]

A few random thoughts:

I'm really having problem with my confidence ... I'm 22 years old and have done nothing at all, though I have had many oppertunities to I just wanted to share it with the girl I truly care about.

Okay. The reason you haven't done anything is not for lack of opportunities, it's because you haven't taken them, due to obsessing over this one girl (let's call her Barb, not because it's her name (probably), but because it's the name of a girl I once obsessed over).

Stop obsessing over her. Yes, easier said than done, I know. But you don't even seem to be trying to quit. It sounds like you're viewing your singular focus on her as a positive thing. It's not.

From your description, it sounds as if, as they say, "She's just not into you." Okay, that's not how you want things to be. That happens. You're not going to play quarterback in the NFL either (I'm guessing ... if you are, I apologize). There are other valuable things to do, and other valuable women in the world.

Look at it this way: Suppose one (or more!) of the other 3 million-or-so available and appropriately-aged women was obsessing over you the way you're obsessing over this Barb. Let's say this other girl is really nice, and also attractive. She'd be in the same position you're in. Does that mean there's anything wrong with her? Should she have no confidence because of it?

Evil Barb has "rejected" you for some obscure reason. Shoot ... you've rejected every other woman in the world.

To me it seems in this world people say go out date a lot of people, that is what society is telling everyone...thats why I believe divorce is at an all time high.

Naw. I don't think they have anything to do with each other. Any more than the practice of test-driving several cars makes it more likely that people will wind up with a car they don't want.

do these girls begin to grow up and stop dating the ass holes and relize that the nice ones are the ones to be with?

Some do, maybe. Frankly, a lot of them are only interested in *******s for their whole life.

Then again, there are probably bunches of them your own age who would be interested in you, if you'd give them a chance.

[TonyMontana]

Thank you for some of your advice, but I still feel different I guess. I actually have given quite a few other girls a chance to get to know me, but they all seem to be the same.

It's not that I have ever really been rejected by her, I just have this feeling, for a long time I went to psychologists because I was afraid for years that maybe I was obbsessed. Maybe to a point I am a little, but to me it feels more like love, some can call it what ever they want to call it.

I still think that in this world too many people just run around and date way too much when they don't really care about the other person.

Now I appreciate that advice, but I still feel that is not where my confidence lacks because of just her, it seems to be a lot of other things.

Now I know lots of girls seem to stay the same, but like I said as the years have progressed I have seen her grow and develop the way I knew she had in her. She has taken huge strides to maturity, and I guess I do want to wait for her, but the confidence just towards a lot of this is scary to me, even when I talk to other girls.

[Newtolove]

ok I see where you are coming from I am much like you quite nice don't bother people just try to get on with my life peacfully I'm sort of or was in the same boat and in actual fact am still a vergin at 23 ! (so be consolled) but I don't make a deal of it and made the terrible mistake of being "in love" with a girl for 4 years and getting no where, ok I admit she is 4 years younger than me so at 18 it was a bit funny to try going out with a 14 year old but then I am a late bloomer and so I suppose she did not really slow me down anyway but after these 4 years of obsession I found out I was wasting my time me at 22 and her 18 I tried to ask her out and go a non comital response that in Italy is the equivalent of NO. but hey I just bumped into a girl that seems to be much like me and we got on great (ok at the moment we are in seperate countries) but you know you never know when you will find someone and don't be obseesed with finding a partner just look for friends and a friend might become more otherwise just keep on meetoing people. and do try to be a bit more confident after all what is bad about you ? you seem to have more qualitys than most people so be a bit more convinced about yourself and the things you want and don't be afraid to loose (or not get) if you are not worried about it not working out it will not be a big deal if it don't and you are going to be more relaxed and confident if you are just taking it easy

now first off remember this girl is not the only one in the world secondly does she know you are interested in her ? I would guess so if she didn't tell you she was going out with someone else chance is she isn't interested in you and you can't force these things just let go and you will find a more suitable person to be with

[Browser]

I wasted three years of my life on a girl who didn't care about me.

Ever hear the phrase "it takes one to know one?"

Sometimes you just have to move on.

[sexy_angel]

i think you're wasting what should be some of the best times of your life. Obsessing is never good. Everyone's been through a crush phase some time or other where they think that person is the one and you can't live without them. If you are on good terms than I suggest just speak to her... even if indirectly.... but if you don't hear it from the horse's mouth you'll never get over it and move on because you'll just remain in denial.

Confront her and ask sthing casual like.... "how would you view me as a person from a girl's point of view?" then see what she says and if she gives you as you say 'the nice guy/friend' speech turn it to her saying something like.... is that your personal opinion too.... you consider me as a nice friend?'...and see how it goes from there.

once you start this conversation don't leave anything lingering or unclear...if you're not sure what she means ask her to make it clear....don't form your own conclusions!!

[Newtolove]

yea just tell/ask her outright or accept she is not interested in either case move on it is hard but we all do it of course she may be interested but I mean you have known dher a long time and no sparks flyed yet cmon move on