Sex - satisfaction - lack of.

[Sirene]

I've been going out with a girl for about 10 weeks now, we started having sex pretty early into the relationship, like 2 weeks. I've always had a really high sex drive, but havent felt confident in showing it unti, recently.
I want sex all the time, but my girlfriend doesnt. She says it's hard to explain but she feels like she doesn't want it just because I want it all the time.

I get frustrated on the weekends if we only have sex once or twice, & i get in a mood & feel slightly rejected. Not out of manipulation, but because i am actually frustrated. We argued about it the other night & she said she sometimes feels like she s only here for sex. She knows how i feel about her, & she knows i like her so much & i know she likes me so much.
But this sex thing is causing problems. I want sex all the time, I feel crap when she doesn't cos i kinda figure well it must be me, something's wrong with me. I know when we do have sex we're adventurous, & we both love it. I know she really enjoys it, she said it's just getting there/getting into it that is the problem.

I started crying last night cos i felt so bad that i made her feel crap by being in a mood about it, & she just jumped on me, put her tongue in my mouth & told me to tie her up, then we had wild sex. I asked her if she did it just cos i was upset, but she said she didnt. I don't get this.

She's upset that she feels she doesnt please me, not because the sex isnt great, cos it is, it just doesnt happen as much as id like it to. She said she doesnt wanna be in the type of relationship where she feels she has to do it to please me. I dont wanna be in that kind of relationship either, I just want more sex!

How can i handle it when i feel rejected & stuff? I dont wanna get in a mood cos it upsets her & makes me feel even worse.

We're both 21, if that helps.
Any questions welcome.

[sexjeff]

sounds familiar

[Sirene]

Really? What did you do about it? Is there any solution?

[BigKahuna]

In a perfect world you could have an open relationsihp... and find yourself one or two other girls to help you deal with your sexual apetite.

One thing that may help is having her see other girls hitting on you... as long as you don't cross any of her lines... if you do, it'll be a problem...

You could take care of yourself... perhaps a sex toy would help...

You could find a new girlfriend that has a similiar drive...

[yuna5]

make her get turned on. focus on her needs and totally give to her. just because she's not in the mood doesn't mean she'll never be in the mood. you have to do the work if you want the results. remmeber women like touches from the outside of the body in. keep groin touching to a long time, like an hour after starting. men like the inside out- groin touching usually first and then other touches. stroke her, kiss, lick, suck, massage, get her in the mood and then she'll be begging you to have sex with her. Read my women- be aggressive post- the last post on it.

[dancingdoc2]

You need to learn two facts of life:
1. Moderation
2. Negotiation

Negotiate for a compromise that the two of you can be happy with. Rarely do couples see eye to eye on how often is often enough or not. In the meantime, she can please you by hand or you can do this yourself. If she does it then she need not have to get all worked up or even consider it a chore, just a thing to do to please you that only takes a few minutes. You benefit because you will become much more turned on than if you do it alone.

[Sirene]

I'd feel more comfortable relieving myself rather than asking her to do it for me, but then she'd feel crap because i have to pleasure myself. It's a difficult situation. She wants to be the one that pleases me & fully satisfies me, but with a low sex drive she can't be.

All my girlfriends in the past have just wanted sex all the time, like 7 times a day, but this one doesn't. Its strange for me & takes some getting used to.
I just feel like i dont wanna try it on with her in case she rejects me.
I'm thinking about never trying it on with her, & letting her come onto me when she wants it, that way ill never feel rejected & she'll get sex when ~she~ wants it. *sigh*.
I see her this weekend, when we go to bed im just gonna lay there watching TV & she can do to me as she pleases. Im sick of being the one to start things. If she wants it she's going to have to come & get it.

[WallyLlama]

You know... it really is NOT all about you. I'm sorry, but you are pretending to be sympathetic to her feelings... and with your current strategy using that in an attempt to manipulate her into being the person you want. You're going to get what you want by ignoring her. That's pretty logical.

You want sex all the time. Feel "rejected" when you don't get it.

Stop right there. You said you'd welcome questions. Is that her fault or problem?

Maybe she doesn't have a low sex drive. Maybe hers is normal and yours is high.

Maybe she's not turned on by your constant need. (Read your first post, you pretty much say she told you that.)

There are a lot of maybe's and one pretty definite: you need to learn to manage yourself, your needs, your feelings. Then you'll be ready to have a relationship instead of an outlet for sex.

[Sirene]

Originally Posted by WallyLlama

You know... it really is NOT all about you. I'm sorry, but you are pretending to be sympathetic to her feelings... and with your current strategy using that in an attempt to manipulate her into being the person you want. You're going to get what you want by ignoring her. That's pretty logical.

You want sex all the time. Feel "rejected" when you don't get it.

Stop right there. You said you'd welcome questions. Is that her fault or problem?

Maybe she doesn't have a low sex drive. Maybe hers is normal and yours is high.

Maybe she's not turned on by your constant need. (Read your first post, you pretty much say she told you that.)

There are a lot of maybe's and one pretty definite: you need to learn to manage yourself, your needs, your feelings. Then you'll be ready to have a relationship instead of an outlet for sex.

I know it's not all about me, thats why i feel terrible about it. I cannot help my high sex drive & i cant help the way i feel.

No it isnt her fault or problem, I know its my problem.

I know im not going to get what i want by "ignoring" her, its just that im sick of feeling the things I do when i try it on with her & she doesnt want it. It makes me feel crap, & by not trying it on with her means I wont feel crap & she can have sex whenever she wants & i will just have to go without when she doesnt, but at least i wont feel rejected or scared to try it on in case she doesnt want it.

Its just very frustrating & makes me feel terrible. I either wish she had a high sex drive, or i had a low/normal one. Then we'd both be happy.

I cant help wanting sex all the time. I figure, if it feels good & you're just laying there in bed watching **** on tv, then why wouldnt you wanna partake in something that makes you feel really good? I cant see the logic. Why would someone not want it if its right next to you and will make you cum?

[WallyLlama]

Originally Posted by Sirene

I cant help wanting sex all the time. I figure, if it feels good & you're just laying there in bed watching **** on tv, then why wouldnt you wanna partake in something that makes you feel really good? I cant see the logic. Why would someone not want it if its right next to you and will make you cum?

Because there's more to life than "feeling good" and there's more to life than cumming. If you're seriously interested in solving this problem, get out of bed... and when you're in bed, stop watching porn.

You are acting/thinking like you are the victim of your sex drive. You say you can't help wanting sex all the time, but then go on to rationalize why you do. All you're doing is reinforcing your own thinking and - in so doing - showing no concern or respect for what others think and feel. You say the words that you feel terrible, but that's what they are - words. You feel terrible that you're not getting sex. You don't feel terrible about the problems that's creating.

And you spin it up... prove to yourself that it's not your fault that you want sex all the time. So now when you don't get it you're allowed to feel rejected and it all makes sense to you.

The problem is that it DOESN'T make sense.

There is no logical basis for "not getting what you want" making you feel rejected or scared... unless you start with the belief that you are somehow supposed to get whatever you want when you want it.

As long as you believe you can't help yourself nothing is going to change. It's been said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. There's probably an axiom that insanity is believing the same thing even when it really doesn't work for you and causes you problems.

(BTW, interesting choice of words in your original post... that you've always had "confidence" showing your high sex drive. Why is your sex drive so important to you, really? A hard-on is not exactly a badge of honor. It's just a hard-on.)

The solution you want (that her sex drive increases or yours lowers) isn't going to work -- in a large measure because you don't believe it will work anyway. Unless there's a physical explanation for your "high sex drive" (do you feel terrible enough to go to a doctor?) your solution lies in abandoning the belief that you can't help yourself and the acceptance of the reality that you are responsible for how you react (feel) to situations.

You may need some help doing that... start with a trip to a doc to ensure that there's not something physically out of balance... and ask him for referral to a counselor who can help you get control of yourself and your life.

I've been a bit blunt in approaching this with you because I think you need a wake up call. Perhaps with past partners you've gotten what you wanted... but it's not been enough... maybe this girl offers more... you won't know or find out if you can't manage yourself and your feelings.