Hold up, Wait a Min!

[Sweetness12]

Alright.. im back after a long absence from this site... and im back with a new guy..therefor i have new problems that i need help with

Anyway.. ive been dating this new guy for a week or so now, and i just recently found out he was a virgin. He didnt tell me, his sister and one of his ex-girlfriends told me he was.
Myself being 17, ive been with 2 people. not that big of a deal. He's 18 and has never been touched? I dont know how thats gonna work.
No I dont depend on Sex being a BIG part in a relationship, but it brings a couple closer..and i dont want to feel like im forcing something on him when the time is necessary...
so- how do I go about this? just bring it up to him and see what he says?

maybe that'll work..but what if he says one thing, but thinks another??

Anything will help.

Sweetness

[moose_hd]

If you bring it up before he's ready, he will probably feel threatened. You obtained intimate information about him that would probably make him feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.

Don't bring it up. Wait for him to talk when he's ready. Speaking practically, there's no real requirement for him to disclose his virgin status to you at all. If he brings it up, just let him express himself and be understanding. Considering that you thought about it enough to post something like this, I know you can be the right kind of 'understanding.'

If you want to give him an opportunity to bring it up, you could start up a conversation about what it was like when you just started to like guys and how you felt about losing your own virginity. It gives him an opening to use if he feels ready to discuss.

[dancingdoc2]

Even though you have been absent for awhile, I am surprised you haven't seen one of my post from the past that talks about relative experience levels. It just doesn't matter. Prior experience equates to knowledge not skill. Every time a new partnership is formed, there will be a new square one from which to lauch the relationship and this includes the sexual side, also.

Sex in all its aspects or stages is serious business yet a couple should not take it all so seriously. Leave room for laughter even when mistakes happen and/or things do not go as planned or expected. Sex is a journey in which the route is often more important than the destination. Explore and learn together. Communication and feedback are very important.

Being a guy and having a fragile male ego, you will probably find that as a newbe he is going to be worried about all sorts of things that in the overall scheme of things are not really important. So, what is important for you to do is to bolster his confidence and his ego and let him know that experience or the lack of is not what is important. What is is in understanding about there being a new Square One to each and every relationship and that a couple regardless of experience always begins there--together.

> Sex being a BIG part in a relationship, but it brings a couple closer.

It has been said that in a successful relationship, sex is ten percent of the reason; although in a problem relationship, sex is ninety person of the cause.

Sex only brings a couple closer who have a strong emotional bond to begin with. It certainly won't cause it to happen, which is why we have recreational sex.

i dont want to feel like im forcing something on him when the time is necessary...
so- how do I go about this? just bring it up to him and see what he says?

Certainly you can. Being that he is a red-blooded male with testosterone in his veins, you cold also just let things play out.

[Sweetness12]

IM afraid to bring it up because i dont want to seem akward....or seem like more of an idiot than I already am....anyone got ideas on how to bring it up?

[Morbid]

A similar thing is happening with me, I dated this girl before last christmas, and it ended after 3 months. We started talking again all throughout the year and she is a shy, safe girl if you know what I mean. She knows I'm not a virgin, and she has told me she wouldn't care to lose her virginity to me because she likes me a lot and we have spent plenty of time together, but she doesn't want a bad "rep". She found out I wasn't a virgin sort of like how you found out he was.

Now I'm the same way you are, experienced, and expecting sex and such from your next relationship or current. The biggest thing you have to remember, is that not everyone is as willing or adventurous as most of us. Take it slow and ease up to the subject.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Sweetness12

IM afraid to bring it up because i dont want to seem akward....or seem like more of an idiot than I already am....anyone got ideas on how to bring it up?

The best time to talk about matters of the heart and the flesh are at a time when the two of you do not plan to be intimate or when you have some quiet time alone without stress of fear of interruption. Now, having said that, why bring the matter up at all? Why not just let actions speak louder than words?

If the two of you are making out, and, because the woman sets boundaries, you have every right to take it to the next step. If you want to up the ante' from just making out, you can grasp his penis through his pants and fondle it. You can even try unzipping his fly and doing the same thru his underware. If things go well, go inside and get it out. If things go well one or the other of you can then lower or remove them. At some point even a neophyte will want to take over himself.

I do not see that you are an idiot from anything you've presented. I do agree with Morbid's last two statements. Don't worry and just let things unfold in their own time--or with a bit of help if you like as described, above. You're worrying unnecessarily.

[Sweetness12]

Ok... i just get really worried about little things.. its not that im afraid to touch him that way, its just.. i dont want...to.....im used to the male making the initial moves, so im one of those girls who waits for it to happen... but looks like im going to have to take the initiative with this one...

[dancingdoc2]

> im used to the male making the initial moves, so im one of those girls who waits for it to happen... but looks like im going to have to take the initiative with this one.

OK, I fully understand. Let me offer this thought for your consideration. Play coy yet meet him half way. Instead of grasping his erect penis through his pants and moving it to and fro, simply let your feminine wilds work some magic and see what happens after letting your hands casually roam around his abdomen and below and/or letting your fingers lightly trace upward along his leg to stop at the top adjacent to the fly of his pants (and probably alonside his erection). Being quite coy you can display your interest in going farther by gently and repeatedly squeezing his thigh (hint hint). Now, I ask you, what red-blooded guy could resist that signal, virgin or not? In all liklihood he will be unable to sit still and will want to take your hand and place it where it will do the most good! (If he does not get the message, check his pulse.) If he gets the message yet is too shy or simply not ready to act upon the message, you will simply have to wait for another night, although you can bet the message was received and understood.

This approach worked on me with my high school sweetheart and I have recommended the technique to others in the past who reported back that more often than not it worked for them, also. Give it a try; nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Knowing that he may very well be shy, expect that progress will be in steps, perhaps the first one being that you will just grasp his penis through his pants and maybe move it side-to-side. If so, fully expect him to "cream his jeans!" with very little effort.

At some point in time, if not this date, then another shortly thereafter, he will want your hand directly on his penis. How it gets there is a matter for the two of you to work out in the heat of the moment. Next, he may eagerly unzip his fly and/or unfasten his belt and pants, scrunching down in the seat if sitting or just "opening up" if reclining. How soon he exposes himself sorta depends upon comfort levels--mainly his and to some extent, yours. Regardless of when and where this happens, I suggest having a hand towel or rag handy because sooner or later actions will cause him to have a climax. If it happens while sitting on a car seat, chair, or bed, partially clothed or not, you will probably not want any semen landing on his clothing or bedding to be dealt with later or noticed by others. Just a word to the wise from someone who didn't think about this at the time and had an embarrassing family moment. You can also save the cloth for wiping his skin after the climatic event.

Of course, if he ejaculates inside his underware, you can always quip that next time you have a solution for that so it won't happen again.

It may be that you will want to be more active in all this after the signaling process and some initial response to it by him. Whatever works. Anyway, have fun with it, tease him just a wee bit if appropriate and see if he takes over, or if you want to be a bit more pro active you can continue to be the initiator; or just simply pants the guy and have your way with him. Another thing you can do at this stage of the game is to whisper in his ear and ask if he wants "more" or if he wants "you to do more". Now, I ask you, what better time to ask a question than when your guy is in the heat of passion and putty in your hands? Regardless of how all this unfolds, it won't take him too many dates before he wants to take over the lead and up the ante'.

This is really all I can offer because this just has to be allowed to play out each time. Let us know what happens as this plays out, OK? Good luck!

[Sweetness12]

alright. tomorrow night will be the next time we are together alone, and this could possibly work... who knew working with a Virgin was so much fun!! my best friend told me that its good hes a virgin..cause then I can train him like i want him.

[WallyLlama]

This is an issue after one week of dating?

WHOA