09-06-2006, 05:59 PM
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What Do I Do?
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and things are starting to die. She is putting zero effort into this relationship and if she did we would be great. Im doing all the work, calling, kissing, talking, anything. I started talking to her about it and spoke my mind. I asked her if she was interested in me still and she said yeah obviously, which i dont understand. She says she tends to push people away without knowing it, and its past relationships that did it. Should I break up with her? Lay low? Continue trying? People are trying to tell me that I should just let her do everything, and if wants to continue, make her have to work for me.
Im confused  
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09-07-2006, 01:09 AM
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As the saying goes, it takes two to Tango. It also takes two to make a relationship work as good ones are partnerships. A relationship is an entity and as such requires constant care and feeding by both parties.
You do not necessarily need to break up with her per se; however, I think you should dial what you have back a bit to perhaps the friendship level. You need to date lots of people over the next few years in order to sample what humanity has to offer. Do not put all your time and attention into one person quite yet.
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09-07-2006, 04:31 AM
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Relationships are about relating. In a sense, her reason for not making the effort (of relating to you) doesn't really matter. You can certainly hear it, but you don't have to accept it.
I wouldn't recommend you attempt to be her therapist, but you can let her know that "past relationships" are not going to define your present one. In a gentle but firm way you can offer some patience, but also create some expectations. Asking her if she's still interested is okay, but it's really the wrong question. The question you should ask is this: "Are you willing to make our relationship different than the ones you had in the past?" If she answers yes, ask her to explain how. If she can't you are going to have to continue to make all the effort and "teach" her how to treat you. Get some expectations in front of her or you are going to be a victim of her past. (I'm not convinced that's the problem... but there's only one way to find out.)
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place."
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09-07-2006, 06:15 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Babies in the backseat of cars cause accidents, accidents in the backseat of cars cause babies.”. ...
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09-07-2006, 04:57 PM
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[QUOTE=WallyLlama;152566] Asking her if she's still interested is okay, but it's really the wrong question. The question you should ask is this: "Are you willing to make our relationship different than the ones you had in the past?" If she answers yes, ask her to explain how. If she can't you are going to have to continue to make all the effort and "teach" her how to treat you.
QUOTE] That seems to make alot of sense if you ask me... as many of you have guessed this is a high school relationship, but if it can make us happy then why not? After we talked about it she deffinantly got the point but for example today we were having a great time at lunch, and i went to chat with some friends and she steared very clear, she sort of stood around and i could see her looking over at me wanting to come over, but she doesnt understand that i want her around lol. Its very confusing but Ive been loosing sleep over this ****. Eh shes coming over right now, so we'll probably just hang out, i dunno if ill say anything more...
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09-08-2006, 04:32 AM
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Ah... high school relationships are so complex. I sorta thought that's what we were talking about... almost said she's too young to have so much of a past. LOL
It will never seem so, but the key to sleeping and staying unconfused is to keep things simple. You're supposed to be happy, that's part of the high school portion of your life... and it's important to remember that you aren't supposed to know and understand everything. You'll of course be amazed to discover that the more you know... well... the more you don't know.
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place."
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09-10-2006, 09:48 AM
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sounds like the end of my relationship with my ex g/f. we went out for almost 5 years, since highshool. and towards the end i noticed she wasnt into it anymore.. we'd call just to say goodmorning, talk a bit durring the day, and goodnight.. no actual conversations in between. i got the feeling she was either not interested anymore or cheating on me...break up with her before she breaks up with u
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09-10-2006, 01:55 PM
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Well, she seems alot happier, i think it may have been that time of the month... the mood swings were crazy. Now I dont really know whats gonna happen. I was thinking about how amazing it was about a month ago, that was romance
 . Love to get that back
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09-10-2006, 07:04 PM
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Well i'm home, and thanks for all of your comments everyone. But in the end, i decided to end it tonight. She could not be bothered with change, and im sad that it couldnt work, but at the same time im happy that I have put a stop to it, because i would have kept trying to revive it. She didnt loose interest, she was just soo caught up in her problems that she ruined it for herself.
Her loss... I told her, "Call me if you have a change of heart, but otherwise its over."
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