Difficulty Accepting Change

[PaulOrama]

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 5 months now.

At first things were great. We both couldn't get enough of eachother and were constantly wanting to be around the other.

The problem now though is that the "new" feeling has begun to fade... not for me but for her. Phone calls are shorter, being around eachother less frequently, and just overall much less emotion on her part. I know she still cares about me and wants to stay in the relationship just as I do... but I'm having a very difficult time accepting and getting used to the loss of eagerness on her part.

At times it makes me feel as though I care about her more than she does me... as a result recently I get frustrated easier and take it very personally. I understand that we both have our own lives and need our own time and I have no problem with her being with her friends, but recently her friends are around so much that we're almost never alone and when we are she's constantly texting/calling other people making me feel like she doesn't enjoy being around me. "Girls nights" have become almost a nightly thing. At times now we'll be laying on her bed watching T.V. but she'll be fully focused on the television when in my head any time we could be laying next to eachother like that "cuddling" haha... I want to be, and I think back to when it used to be the same for her.

In my mind it just seems like we could always have that absolutly amazing relationship. I know it's immature to not be able to let go of that and that's why I'm posting here. I feel as if no matter what I do now it's unappreciated, like I'm putting more into the relationship than she is.

[Brandye]

Overdone closeness can feel much like possessiveness to women. In these days of near sexuality equality many women rail against control or overly protective behavoours. Talk it out with her. And lighten up. I think every woman I know has ended at least one relationship because of over possessivenss on the guy's part.

[PaulOrama]

Thanks for your reply Brandye!

It's not that I'm trying to be protective or sufficate who she is, but when we are together now it's just little things I notice that have changed.

Today I dropped her off at work and she almost forgot to say goodbye to me before leaving. I'm not asking for a parade lol or for her to ditch anybody else for me... just simple things like that.

Before that I woke up and came to her house early to help her fill out some paperwork she didn't understand (it's a new job). By the time we had it filled out and all finished she was so frustrated with it that she vented it on me by telling me I never help her. Shes always had little moments like that as she has anxiety sometimes. I never cared before I'd just help her calm down because I knew she was just getting it out and later she would always say sorry and that she didn't mean it and thank me for being there for her or something... but recently when it happens she just vents and forgets about it and that builds up in me after awhile, but when I talk to her about it she just gets upset and says nothing has changed.

[WallyLlama]

The bottom line here is that your relationship doesn't have to follow any set pattern, norm, or rules. You can and should decide together how you want it to work.

I'd say you want to be careful that you don't decide to accept emptiness and rationalize that its' the result of a maturing relationship. Five months isn't that long; you really should still be discovering things about each other and yourselves as a couple.

The health of your relationship is exactly that. If you can't talk to her about your concerns and feelings, the relationship is deteriorating, not maturing. If she's not noticing or willing to listen, the relationship is deteriorating, not maturing.

Don't make it a competition of who loves the other most. Make it about understanding each other and what you need to feel cared for... "nothing has changed" isn't very reassuring when all indications are that something HAS changed.

You can have an absolutely amazing relationship after a long time... if that's what you both want and if you are both willing to invest in each other.