20 year old virgin

[phieniac]

I need some advice on my relation ship with this girl. I am 20 years old and she is 3 years younger then me we have bin going out for a month and something know and we have had sex. My problem is that I was a virgin when we first had sex but when I met her I made it seem like I have had sex all the time in my past relationships because I was really embarrassed that I was a virgin.
Now this girl she has had sex before so it wasn’t her first time but she keeps asking me questions about my past like do you have lots of sex when you are in a relationship and I just keep making up bull and I don’t like to cause im lying already. Any girls out there who can give me advice and how would you take it if it was you. I really like her and I think it’s special because she’s my first but I just don’t want to end up looking like a dork lol thanks

[Brandye]

Lots of 20 yo are virgins. And she may have been too. Tell her and then you will have stuff to talk about. Nothing embarassing about being virgin. We all were.

[dancingdoc2]

> My problem is that I was a virgin when we first had sex but when I met her I made it seem like I have had sex all the time in my past relationships because I was really embarrassed that I was a virgin.

Being a virgin is a problem and something to be embarrassed about? How? It is only because you believe it to be.

> I just don’t want to end up looking like a dork

This concern comes up in one form or another quite often; here is my thought on the matter: Every time a couple comes together a new and unique partnership is formed. This means that as a couple there will be individual likes, dislikes, preferences, and attitudes, that must be discussed and addressed. In addition, each person may or may not have had previous experiences. If so, then these experiences equate only to knowledge and not skill. That concept is important to understand. Whether one or both parties has had one or more prior sexual experiences or not is unimportant, the reason being is that every pairing is different, each with its own unique set of dynamics. There will be a new "Square One" from which to begin with the forming of every new partnership. What is important is that the two of you explore and learn together.

> Now this girl she has had sex before so it wasn’t her first time

How do you know this to be true? Maybe she is trying to bolster her image, also.

It is the "Fragile Male Ego" all males have that is causing your consternation.

> she keeps asking me questions about my past like do you have lots of sex when you are in a relationship and I just keep making up bull

Perhaps the way to answer her is to take what is important out of this question (in bold) and answer this to the best of your knowledge. The answer should be that in the early stages of a relationship couples do tend to make love a lot, then as time passes and the newness wears out and the relationship as a whole matures, couples tend to settle on a number of times a week/month that suits their lifestyle. If one person wants more than the other then you have to be willing to negotiate and perhaps modify how you actually make love or satisfy the other person's needs once in a while. For example, if one person is tired and the other person has an ache in the loins, you do not have to summon up a lot of energy to have intercourse. What you can do as a member of a partnership is to take care of their needs in other less demanding ways like giving a hand job or oral that includes and does not sidestep the romantic aspect of the connection.

> I agree with Brandye. Tell her you were a virgin and were embarrassed about it. Furthermore, let her read this so she will better understand your reasons. I believe that when she understands how the FME interferes and how you are seeking answers in order to have a more responsible relationship she will be understanding and have respect for you for trying to be a better man.

[Browser]

Originally Posted by phieniac

I need some advice on my relation ship with this girl. I am 20 years old and she is 3 years younger then me...

20 - 3 = 17.
Need I say more?

[toxicfantasy]

i was 16 when i got my first serious bf....he was 20. and we had sex quite early on in the relationhsip. i was a virgin and he knew it because he told me. and naturally because of his age i just assumed that he wasnt. silly me. any way we had sex and it was all good...he was a pro...as if he had done it all a million times before. then after a few weeks he told me that that night when i lost my virginity, that he was a virgin too. i was really shocked and didnt really beleive him at first. because he was an attractive guy, why wouldnt he have had sex? i was a bit confused as to why he didnt tell me but i guess that he thought i would tease him or something. but its all good.
we ended up staying together for a year...then he ended up choosing drugs over love. but yea....


i say tell her that you were a virgin. if she cares about you then nothing will change between you two. the guy im dating now is a virgin...or was lol

alot of women would be happy if their guy was a virgin. at least they know that they dont screw around!


good luck

toxicfantasy x x x

[WallyLlama]

To all that's been said I would add:

Which is worse...

Having been a virgin or having been a liar?

Virgin or not will have little effect on a relationship. Basing a lot of the relationship on a lie...

[yuna5]

yeah, i agree with Wally- i always stick my foot in my mouth when i lie. Like i thought it wasn't cute not to have a boyfriend when i was 15 so i told guys who hit on me that i had a boyfriend and whaddyaknow? they said bye. insecurities like yours can be counterproductive.

[moose_hd]

Originally Posted by Browser

20 - 3 = 17.
Need I say more?

I don't think that's particularly bad.

It is also certainly legal in many countries where they are not as uptight / overly religious as the US.

[*untouchable*]

Originally Posted by WallyLlama

To all that's been said I would add:

Which is worse...

Having been a virgin or having been a liar?

Virgin or not will have little effect on a relationship. Basing a lot of the relationship on a lie...

Exactly.

you should think of building a relationship similiar to that of building a house... without a trusting & secure foundation everything else is just going to come crashing down...

if you really like her... tell her... you never know...it may make the experience even more special for her

[phieniac]

Thanks to ever one who gave me advice on this it was really killing me. I final got the bravery to tell her and she didn’t believe me at first. But I told her she was amazed and happy she was a little up set because she said she would have made it more special if I just told her. So I really wish I would have just said something. I realize now it’s nothing to be embarrassed about at all. Its all good thanks a lot ppls