First Time Jitters?

[pinkflower]

I had sex with a new partner and although the forplay was incredibly hot and heavy, he couldn't keep his erection. We are both under 25 and I hope he doesn't have a problem this young. He said it has "been a long time" but from previous experience, guys who haven't had sex in a long time are incredibly easy to get hard as a rock. I can't imagine he was more nervous than myself, but I still got very wet.

I have tried looking in old archives but I mostly found older men with ED who needed prescriptions. I know this guy doesn't drink very much and he doesn't smoke regularly. He is pretty healthy, runs a few times a week, so I hope it was just performance anxiety

Any ideas what could have been the problem?

[Beans518]

Maybe he knew you were going to talk about him later on this site. Given the fact that the two of you just had sex for the frist time he was probaly just nervous. Frist time encounters are scary for some people. Next time will probably be a whole lot better.

[pinkflower]

Hm ok so today we tried again and same thing. I tried going down on him and i think it made it worse. I had no idea that can happen to guys. He told me that he's like this with new partners, and he would tell me why some other day.
What the heck is that supposed to mean???
What am I supposed to do? Next week say "OK it's some other day, can you tell me what you were talking about that day we were trying to have sex?"
*sigh* but I guess I will just have to do that.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by pinkflower

Hm ok so today we tried again and same thing. I tried going down on him and i think it made it worse. I had no idea that can happen to guys. He told me that he's like this with new partners, and he would tell me why some other day.
What the heck is that supposed to mean???
What am I supposed to do? Next week say "OK it's some other day, can you tell me what you were talking about that day we were trying to have sex?"
*sigh* but I guess I will just have to do that.

Strange.

Here's some advice that gets used a lot on these boards: If two people are not ready to communicate openly and honestly, then they aren't ready to be sexually involved with each other.

If he knows what the problem is and won't tell you why, then you should be offended. He's saying that you're good enough to use for sex but not good enough to be honest with.

Ask him.

[pinkflower]

ah thank you. very good advice. I will not be shy about asking him...I thought it very odd that he was in such a rush to get my clothes off but couldn't properly have sex.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by pinkflower

ah thank you. very good advice. I will not be shy about asking him...I thought it very odd that he was in such a rush to get my clothes off but couldn't properly have sex.

He may be trying to "overcome" some big problem and using you for practice. He needs to just be honest and you two just work on your relationship.

[Jaysey]

I agree with ua322. If he can't tell you about his secret problem, then he isn't ready for sex.

[pinkflower]

We talked about it and he said that when he was very young he was molested by an older woman. I felt really bad, and I didn't particularly want to prod into the incident further, but he said that he can't respond the way he would like and he understands it must be frustrating for me.
I know a lot about how sexual molestation affects girls but I don't know much about what it does to guys. Please let me know if you have any information about this and how a couple can work around bad things in the past.
Thanks!

[ua322]

Originally Posted by pinkflower

We talked about it and he said that when he was very young he was molested by an older woman. I felt really bad, and I didn't particularly want to prod into the incident further, but he said that he can't respond the way he would like and he understands it must be frustrating for me.
I know a lot about how sexual molestation affects girls but I don't know much about what it does to guys. Please let me know if you have any information about this and how a couple can work around bad things in the past.
Thanks!

So there it is.

Now you know what is causing the problem and now you two can start working together to help him.

If he has not had counseling, he needs to.

Now that he has been honest with you, he needs your love and support, if in fact, you are actually that close.