Friendship - Yes/No? (Kinda long)

[Darkmidget]

Hey, I'm rather new to these forums, just got bored and figured I'd do some "research" (I like to be prepared *cough*) and came accross this place so I figured what the crap, why not sign up. I'm a 17 year old male. I plan to be a psychologist one day and I am rather akin to expressing and comprehending emotions and the such. Anyway, enough about me, on the my question.

First, some background. This whole story is going to sound kinda geekish, and trust me, I think it does too, but just bear with it. I was online one day and someone I don't know sends me an IM. We talk, become friends pretty fast, pretty much develop a strong friendship. I am now one of her best friends.

Well one day, we talk about meeting in person. She lives about 2 hours away so you know, we think it was doable. Well, at the time she had a b/f, but she definatly displayed a liking tword me. She was EXTREAMLY open about everything, which is a rather big thing for me since communication is key to a good relationship, inside and outside of sex.

Anyway, the day comes where she breaks up with her b/f. I still recall that night, staying up until 4 am talking to her, ignoring an AP english report that was due that afternoon. I barely finished it in time. Anyway, she manages to talk her parents into coming down and I manage to talk mine into it. We meet and she spent the night in our guest room place....thing. Anyway, we watched movies together and the like, just had a fun time. Some **** happened to her friend and we were helping her through it, we took a walk at like 1 am and watched the night sky just talking about stuff and I gave her a back massage to calm her down. I later find out that she thought I was going to kiss her and I wanted to, still unsure if not kissing her because of her ex was a good idea... meh.

Alright, this post is long enough so lets cut to the chase. She is finally getting over her b/f after a week of being lead on and other bull****. I will get to see her again before summer is up (I miss her alot as it is) and we were talking about dating. She said her main fear is that she will end up hating me, much like she can't stand being around her ex.

So I have 2 questions, feel free to answer one or both or niether.

1) Can I get any advice on this situation? I can give more details if needed.

2) Do you think a relationship can stem from a friendship? (Hence the topic)

Sorry for the long post, I've always been regarded as descriptive though >.>.

[WallyLlama]

1. Yes, but what's the question or problem?

2. Yes because friendships are relationships... you grow some relationships, you don't grow others.

[Newtolove]

hm you sound like you are more worried than necesary or she is just let things run their course why should she hate you like she does her ex ?

[Darkmidget]

Originally Posted by WallyLlama

2. Yes because friendships are relationships... you grow some relationships, you don't grow others.

I agree with this full heartedly. What she meant is this. Her main fear is that if anything was to happen between us if we date, I don't think she could stand to be around me for awhile because when she falls, she falls really fast and hard. It kind of lingers.

Really what I'm looking for is just a good piece of advice, like I am going to see her again before school is out, so i'm gonna let things run thier course. She is bi (I have nothing against bi's mind you) and she is attracted to women sexually and to males for that bond we give. Her friend of mine is telling me a few good sweet spots on her so I am "prepared" just in case or so she says lol. Like I said, I would just like some general advice.

[Browser]

Be more specific please. Do you want "general advice" on having sex, foreplay, etc. or on how to start a relationship, if you should start a relationship...

The list goes on. Also, try serching the forums for what you want.

[Newtolove]

well if she expected you to kiss her and you want to start then go for it boy but do be more specific

[WallyLlama]

I'm not sure why the "bi" factor got introduced. It's starting to sound like there's a hidden question... and it sounds like that question is whether or not you two are going to have sex. That's different than whether or not you're going to have a relationship.

It's pretty easy to grow a relationship... and you can do that at the pace that you are both comfortable with... I would think you could "go out" together without it threatening your friendship! That's why I asked what the problem is... general advice? Agree together on how you want to change (or if you want to change) the relationship.

On the other hand, if "going out" means you are hoping to get in her pants... yeah, that could sorta mess up the relationship/friendship.

[Newtolove]

yes wally lama has it there for you, you need to both decide exactly what you want

[Darkmidget]

Oh boy... alot of stuff to address. Here we go.

"Be more specific please. Do you want "general advice" on having sex, foreplay, etc. or on how to start a relationship, if you should start a relationship...

The list goes on. Also, try serching the forums for what you want."

Sorry for lack of info... I've been having to help her with a few things she's been going through without becoming a crutch and I kinda typed that up while distracted. I just want some general advice on starting up a good relationship. I've been single most of my life because I am overly picky in my taste of women. I dislike dealing with relationship drama, but if your in a relationship you will have drama, so I'd rather it be worth it y'know?


"I'm not sure why the "bi" factor got introduced. It's starting to sound like there's a hidden question... and it sounds like that question is whether or not you two are going to have sex. That's different than whether or not you're going to have a relationship."

First off, the Bi thing. I mentioned that because she is sexually attracted to women, but males provide that "bond". I just threw it in there for the sake of arguement. Second off, I could careless if a relationship has sex in it. Don't get me wrong, sex is great and all I'm sure, but I'd rather have that bond and that feeling of love. I'm not really your "typical" sex driven male >.<. lol.


Alright, a few more details. She is afraid of hurting a friendship, but at the same time still says she likes me. She lives rather far away so I only get to see her maybe like... once or twice a month (So it would be long distance.). She just broke up with her ex and I've helped her through it, and she is finally almost over it and I will get to see her again soon. I saw her earlier, about when they broke up, but I refused to make a move because all I would have done was make her miss her boyfriend more. (She later confirmed that.). I guess forgetting to mention it was long distance was a bad thing eh? lol. But there is some more detail. Sorry for being so vague, I usually work with messangers and not forums >.<.

[Browser]

Again, what sort of advice do you want? What exactly do you want it to address? You really haven't asked us anything that isn't self-explanatory yet.