relationship problems. Would like some advice

[RdUuBcBkER]

iIposted this in another thread but realized that it should have been posted here....sorry for the double post.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. I love him to death and can see myself being with him for the rest of my life. But, I am getting ready to go off to college and he recently told me that he wants to go meet new people. I am fine with him meeting new people but I am not fine with him having sex with these new people if he wants to come back to me in the end. He then proceeded to tell me that he just wants to know what it is like to have sex with more than one person. I should probally add in that I have only had sex with him and he has only had sex with me. Am I asking too much of him to not have sex within the first few months of being with someone else or until he knows that he doesn't want to come back to me? He also told me that he wants to be able to be with a really "hot" chick. He wants to get her in bed just so that he knows he can do it and then come back to me or whoever he feels he is happiest with but he doesn't want to stay with the "hot" chick. Should I allow him back in my life if he leaves me to do this? Or how can I possibly change his mind? I am beginning to think that he is unhappy with me and that i am not "good" enough for him and i'm not sure what to do about it. He is also, like most guys, curious and wants to have a threesome with 2 females. I am not comfortable with this. To try and help him understand why i am not comfortable with it I asked him if he would be comfortable in a threesome with two males. Knowing his answer would be a no i was hoping that it would help. It didn't he just told me that it is alot more difficult to have a threesome with 2 males. I know that it isn't its just not pleasing to him. Any suggestions on how to deal with all of this.


I would appreciate hearing feedback from the female perspective and the male perspective.

Thank you for your time and help.

[Jaysey]

Originally Posted by RdUuBcBkER

Am I asking too much of him to not have sex within the first few months of being with someone else or until he knows that he doesn't want to come back to me?

No! You are not asking too much. If you've been intimate with him, you ABSOLUTELY have the right to expect him to remain faithful to you. If he doesn't want to, tell him to shove it. In college, you'll find a guy who will.

Originally Posted by RdUuBcBkER

He also told me that he wants to be able to be with a really "hot" chick. He wants to get her in bed just so that he knows he can do it and then come back to me or whoever he feels he is happiest with but he doesn't want to stay with the "hot" chick. Should I allow him back in my life if he leaves me to do this?

This is the most rude and insensitive thing I have ever heard! If I were you, I'd tell him that you are a hot chick, thank you very much, and if he can't see that, you're going to find a man who will--maybe a man with a six-pack stomach and arms to die for...you know, a "hot" guy...one who looks a lot like (insert name of your fave hot male celebrity here) .

Bottom line: Your boyfriend is an ass...he doesn't respect you...tell him to hit the road. Then, go to college and have a fabulous time looking for Mr. Right!

[Browser]

Your boyfriend just insulted you. Sounds like a loving guy.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by Jaysey

Bottom line: Your boyfriend is an ass...he doesn't respect you...tell him to hit the road.

I don't think I can improve on this tidbit of advice.

[Newtolove]

Well I'd appreciate his honesty but frankly apart from showing no respect for you he is not being very sensitive or acting like one thhat would be comming back to you either. just tell him to f***k off

[WallyLlama]

Well... I'm not sure I'm ready to pick up the nails or boil the guy in oil... but one thing is clear: it's unlikely your relationship is going to survive the (apparent) separation that will result from you going off to college.

Just be clear on why. It isn't because he wants to have a threesome or bed some "hot chick." It's because he's not even close to ready to have a mutual relationship that involves commitment. He's effectively saying "I can't live without you" and then under his breath "so I'm going to have to find someone else."

It's particularly interesting that he can't see the flip threesome. It really is all about him. That's why you are not likely going to change his mind. Your perspective doesn't really enter his picture. In fact, you are almost out of the picture.

As for your question about "taking him back" after he does this, you might want to consider whether or not you ever really had him. I suspect you missed some signs over the past two years...

From a male perspective: being in love with someone puts the emphasis on WITH. If that someone is going away... you have to figure out how your going to handle... feed and nuture and enjoy... that love and the relationship. Admittedly I'm older, but I'd much rather spend my energy doing that than running around trying to get some hot chick in bed -- particularly if I already have one. But I'm also beyond having to prove something to myself.

You can certainly attempt to get him to face what he's doing for what it is, but I wouldn't be too hopeful. It's likely that not much has changed. It's more likely that your departure for college has just forced some things to the surface.

[Newtolove]

quite agree how can you say to your girlfriend I just want to see if I can get a hot chick into bed, A dick head wants to see if he can get a "hot" chick into bed a real man/boyfriend ecc should be quite confident that he has all he wants in you and need not look any further to say that is just insulting to you like he's doing you a favour being with you.

[RdUuBcBkER]

thank you for the input wally and the others. We have talked agaain about the situation and he says that he has come to the realization that he was being selfish and stupid. So i'm not sure how things are going to go but, I do feel a little bit better about things now.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by RdUuBcBkER

thank you for the input wally and the others. We have talked agaain about the situation and he says that he has come to the realization that he was being selfish and stupid. So i'm not sure how things are going to go but, I do feel a little bit better about things now.

Frankly, I wouldn't get to feeling TOO comfy if I were you.

[Newtolove]

nope kick him in his silly balls and tell him to go enjoy himself in college and make sure he does not come back to you