how do I help her with her self-image
07-14-2006, 06:17 AM
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1. You are not likely to get her to give up smoking. It's more likely the harder you try, the more determined she'll become to keep it up. Visit some of the smoking cessation sites, there's a lot to learn, beyond the scope of this site.
2. Stop analyzing why she's the way she is... it's mildly interesting and feels misleadingly therapeutic. You'll likely end up reinforcing the negatives and creating self-fulfilling prophecies. 3. Try some questions like "If you could do only one thing tomorrow... what would it be?" and then find the positives in it to show her why you think she's a great person. You can't give her a better self-image, you may be able to help her discover one by showing her what you like about her and getting her to like it too.
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place." 
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07-15-2006, 03:54 AM
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Sorry, but you are analyzing her.
Saying that she smokes to feel grown up... saying that doesn't feel grown up because she hasn't had sex... that's called analysis. (Particularly since you haven't even discussed her smoking with her.) There's no reason to apologize for it, we all do it. Unfortunately, I honestly don't understand what your question is and what the point of the analysis is. But I will tell you that if she quits smoking and has sex with you it won't make her any more grown up. Perhaps you could analyze what it is about her that you appreciate since you can't pinpoint anything... You need to decide if you are her step-brother, her friend/boyfriend/would be lover, or her therapist. You are trying to find a solution. What is the problem? Has she told you she has a self-image problem? Has she told you she doesn't feel grown up? (It's entirely possible she doesn't feel grown up because she's not, by the way.)
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place."
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