Sex always brings hurt...

[Akitsa]

Not physical, but mental pain.

Ok here's the thing, my girlfriend has a lower sex drive than i do, and she very rarely initiates things. When we do start to do things, i always bring her to climax, then she loses interest, or tries but eventually gives up.

Anything sexual is extremely brief and very infrequent. She tells me she wants this kind of relationship, and that she does find me sexually attractive... but i guess that I just do not believe her as she does not show it with actions.

Also, when I am trying to turn her on, and it is not working, she just lets me keep doing what i am doing until I feel rejected and hurt: instead of telling me what I am doing wrong.

She is my first sexual partner, and I am hers too. Could it be that she simply does not understand what she is doing here? Not mature enough to understand what she is making me feel?

Another thing, I was suffering from depression from about November 05 until February this year, when it started getting a little better. I am pretty sure this depression came as a result of my girlfriend telling me she liked another guy, and almost breaking up with me about it. This happened twice in total.

The event left me feeling pretty bad about myself, thinking I was worthless and had nothing to give her, that I was unwanted.

I feel that if our sexual relationship continues the way it is going, then I shall fall back into my depression again, which I do not want.

I have tried talking to her about this, but she never listens to me. It always results in me getting angry at her, and then her leaving or ignoring me even more because i am shouting at her.

I love this girl, I really do. I have been with her for a year and a half. But I would hate for things to go on like this, I hate the way that she can make me feel this way about myself. Maybe that is a problem with me, and i need to learn to block out the hurt, but it is extremely hard for me to do.

I do not want this to cause an end to the relationship...

[Akitsa]

Sorry, i meant to say that after I bring her to climax, she rarely brings me to climax.

She loses interest once she has reached orgasm, despite the fact i am still very much turned on.

[Ryouko]

I think that you should change around all your wording to stop blaming her. if she says that she is sextually attracted to you then you have to beleive her. Some girls do have lower sex drives. You could ask her what she would like you to do, but I don't know how much she could know since you are her first partner.

[curious Al]

Iv had that happen a good few times with my g/f. When i bring her to climax i a havent she stops and just kisses me. I dont really mind because i like to make her feel good over myself!
If shes doesnt listen to you when you try to talk to her, dont lose your head, that can only make things worse or ultimatly end the relastionship.

I suggest that you are putting to much pressure on the relationship. Seen as she is your 1st sexual partner im guessing you are young (sorry if im wrong) and maybe you dont know quite how to react around eachother now sex is involved.

I think you should relax about the situation and not take everything as an insult or something like that. When you are both more experienced with sex then things will probly get better!

[nuttocks]

Sorry, but I think the advice in the previous responses is crappy. "Low sex drive" - maybe, "Just wait it out and it will get better" - no way.

Like the previous poster said, you sound young to me. Maybe because you remind me of me when I was 17. So if you're not please excuse me but I think the situation is still relevant.

See, I think that the issue is less about you not getting off after she does and more about your shouting and her ignoring. That's a sign that something in the relationship is broken. Topped off from the fact that you were clinically depressed while dating her and it doesn't take X-ray vision to see that something in the relationship just isn't right.

I know you love her and she's probably a great girl, but like that Patty Smyth song says "Sometimes love just ain't enough." If the only way you are communicating is through altercations, it makes sense that she is blocking you out, and that you get more frustrated and resort to shouting. That's not how a loving, healthy relationship operates. And you end your letter with the statement that you don't want to break up, but you need to consider the option.

I think the best thing for you to do is to (calmly) sit down with her and tell her the relationship isn't working (because it's clearly not). Say your piece and let her say her's. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise or understanding but you need to be open to the possibility that this isn't going to work out and you're going to have to let her go. And the longer you keep yourself in this misery and depression inducing situation you are dragging yourself down further and missing time spent with the girl who's out there who really wants to be with you.

It reminds me of taking a hot bath when the house is cold. Eventually I am going to want to get out but the thought of leaving the warm water for the cold air makes me hesitate. But that water is going to get colder and colder and my skin will get prunier until I'm just making myself miserable staying in the bath. Eventually I am going to have to risk the discomfort.

You're going to have to risk facing depression again if you can't work it out with this girl. But the longer you stay in this situation the worse off you are going to be. Talk to her, and if you can't work it out, then move on.

[Newtolove]

how old are you guys ?