Why doesnt he wanna??

[SmilingInside]

im 17 my boyf is 21...
i've gone the furstest with him and he knows that...the most we've done is he fingered me and rubbed my clit and gave me oral and i rubbed his cock...and for some reason he said that thats going to be the furthest were going....i get very nervous b4 everything we do so hes like to me u may want it one day and u may even initiate it...but the guy wont be me...why?? its notthat hes breaking up with me..i know for a fact..he really likes me...he even told me about how he turned down a free blow job from sum girl he sorta knew becuz he wanted to try n get with me and it would change things and make it not as special...so i dunno whyyy...
hes also said that he never took anyones virginity....maybe he just doesnt wanna? why wouldnt he wanna?

[dancingdoc2]

> hes also said that he never took anyones virginity....maybe he just doesnt wanna? why wouldnt he wanna?

In all liklihood, he has the desire; although, he may not as yet found a virgin.

> hes like to me u may want it one day and u may even initiate it...but the guy wont be me...why?? its notthat hes breaking up with me.

It is the nature of dating and of the growth and development associated with the teen years that we should get to know and learn from as many different people as possible. Dating places a couple in a framework that permits them to get closer and more familiar than from a simple friendship. The intent is to sample as much of humanity as possible in order to learn about people's characters, quirks, goals, likes, dislikes, values, etc. The more we sample the better able we should be to make the right choice when the time comes. It is not wrong, although it is certainly extremely limiting and narrow sighted to just date and end it with the first warm body that shows an interest in us. Your friend is looking at the the future very pragmatically.

> he wanted to try n get with me and it would change things and make it not as special...so i dunno whyyy.

You have much to learn, and, you have made a nice start, here, with your questions.

There is much more to sex than the physical pleasures. There are the emotional and the connection between psyches in addition. Every aspect of making love iis more special with someone you have a deep emotional connection and bond with. We loosely refer to the connection as "sparks" and these are brought on because of pheramones and other factors that go to form love.

[WallyLlama]

There are too many possibilties to list, but here's a couple.

1. It's possible he's a nice guy and wants to "protect" you from moving too fast.

2. It's possible he's acting like a nice guy so you'll trust him and give in. (I find it interesting that he specifically mentioned you might initiate it... how patient he's being...)

3. It's possible that you live in a state where you are below the age of consent and having sex with you is against the law.

If I had to bet, I'd go with number two. Isn't it interesting that you are wondering why he doesn't want to have sex with you and how in a way that makes you want him? There's way too much inconsistency in what he's telling you... and the more important question is why is he telling you some of these things? He's been introducing you to activities at a pace that makes you comfortable... didn't take a bj so he could get one that would be special from you... Frankly, it sounds to me like you are being played like a violin.

You actually are sensing this yourself... that's why you posted the question. His behavior and his words do not add up. If he's serious about you he wouldn't be playing this game.

I have an idea for you.

Tell him you've thought about it and you've decided you are going to remain a virgin, maybe until you marry. I, for one, would be interested in his reaction to that. Based on what he's telling you it should come as a big relief, right?

I'll bet it doesn't.

Call me cynical... but I freely admit I could be wrong... the thing is, you might do well to consider I could be right.

[Sweetness12]

You are still considered jailbate...well, no, it depends on where you live.. here in Georgia, it's just about illegal to date anyone under the age of 18 if you are 18... people do it anyway, but..yea.. maybe thats the case? he might think u are too young for it? or for him in that area?

[i<3karma]

mabe hes hung like a goldfish and he's emberrassed

[phoebesmalls]

when i was fourteen i went out with an 19 year old, and although its not the same situation, we had similar issues. Although WallyLlama has a point, im going to give your guy the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe he just really cares about you. I dont know, with me, he would express that he wanted to, but he just felt that it would be unfair to me to do things that even if i felt i was ready for, he knew i was too young to (besides the fact that it was illegal, but who really cares at all.) Granted, you're not fourteen, but the difference between seventeen and twenty-one is huge. he's in a completely different stage of life than you are, and it's great that you have chemistry, but if you get nervous before everything you do and he recognizes it maybe he just doesn't want to be blamed for something you'd regret? haha i guess i'm in no way qualified to give you this kind of advice, i dunno, i just identify.