Broken up with 3 months ago and I still love her.

[cork]

First post......so sorry if its in the wrong place or anything. the main reason i registered was to post this.

I dated the absolute best girl that i could ever ask for from last october to this past march. I'm only fourteen years old, but I think that age is just a number. I am absolutely positive that I was in love with her. It wasnt love just because we did things together physically. It wasnt love just for looks. I think it was true love.

She started dating another guy about a month ago, but things dont seem to be working out for them. We went through a very rough period with a lot of arguments, but now we are friends again and have talked on the phone for 9 hours over the past 5 days. We talk and talk and talk and its never about anything specific for very long, but they're the best conversations ever.

The bottom line is, She says that she wants a second chance, but not until later on (most likely sometime in/after the second half of high school) I really want this to be true.

I know there are a lot of things im leaving out, but id like to know everyone's views.

thank you

[CuriousAsCanBe]

Personally, i say hey, if you really think she is the one, then go for it, but if you arent /together/ then maybe you should try dating other ppl at least for a while, you are still young, dating others for now, will let you know if what you beleive is really true or not.

[cork]

since the break up, there have been three people that like me, and at first, I like them back, but after a couple of weeks, I notice that they lack many of the qualities that the girl that broke up with me had. She is everything all rolled into one, but all other girls that i meet, while sometimes they have qualities i like, never have as many as she does.

=\

[WallyLlama]

I'll try to leave the age factor out of it...

You are probably idealizing her and that gets a lot easier to do when you are not a couple.

I'd venture that the ideal partner is one who loves you back... somebody who wants to grow a relationship and nurture that love. The fact that she currently does not want to do that means she is not your perfect girlfriend. You don't find a perfect partner... you find somebody, fall in love, and then work together to make the relationship "perfect."

At least the three girls you've dated since the breakup had that quality - they "liked" you. I'd suggest you give that quality (liking you) a little more importance and stop measuring every girl against her -- or the image of her you are creating. Don't make these new girlfriends compete with a fantasy.

[cork]

theres another thing i forgot to include.

the reason we broke up is not because our relationship fell apart. It's because she wanted to experience other people compared to me. I've heard the same thing from her, all of her friends, as well as people that arent even her friend. this tore me apart, but I seem to be ok with it now.

The guy she is dating right now, she is really fed up with.

she was going to have him over yesterday but he wouldnt go, for a lame reason and she told me that she would probably rather have me over than him. and in any of our conversations, i hear "(boyfriend's name) never does that!" or "(boyfriend's name) is never this sweet to me"

etc. etc.

[SCAR]

don't forget you are only 14 i know you think it is a number but you have your whole life to live you are going meet many different girls/women over the next couple of decades maybe one day you will find some one truly special that you want to be with.
you should experianceother people too yes but dont compare them to each other find all the good points about that person and weigh them against the bad. then think are these good or silly reasons for putting them in the bad point group. dont forget people change and so will you. you might find someone else you love even more, or you will grow apart during the time it takes till your in high shool.

whatever you do good luck
SCAR

[dancingdoc2]

It is a cruel twist that Mother Nature gives us the ability to procreate, first, and the common sense and knowledge to live our adult lives, last. The teen years are about change and about a decade long; you are only part way into the process of transmutation--leaving childhood and becoming an adult. So, while your body is able to do adult activities, it and your brain have much more development to undergo. Your brain will not be fully developed until about age 21!

Just like an infant must learn to crawl before walking, so too must we go through a series of other developments during the teen years. Girls also develop earlier than boys so even if your friend is the same age, she is mentally more mature. Another worth mentioning is our socialization. At 14, kids tend to hang with members of the same gender. At 15 kids tend to include members of the opposite gender into their circle of friends. By 18-19 the circle shrinks and our friendships become less, although the remaining ones become stronger. We also tend to focus on one or two individuals of the opposite sex. So, you have a process to go through and complete and you should not be in a rush to do what your raging hormones are telling you.

Nowadays kids believe dating is only worthwhile for finding the first warm body that pays attention to us. Wrong. The purpose of dating is to place people in a closer social framework in order to learn more about each other than can be had from circle associations. Dating is a process whereby we are able to sample much of what humanity has to offer so that when the time does come to find Ms. Mr, Right, we have a much clearer picture of what we want having sampled many different personalities, characters, quirks, likes, dislikes, goals, ambitions, etc.

> She started dating another guy about a month ago, but things dont seem to be working out for them. We went through a very rough period with a lot of arguments, but now we are friends again and have talked on the phone for 9 hours over the past 5 days.

Your friend has the right idea. You and every other teen needs to do the same. Date lots of people, have experiences and good times with each along the way, knowing that each of these will eventually fall by the wayside and new people will replace them as you continue to grow, gain life experience, and learn. Moreover, until you are better able to manage adult matters, you will be better off not dating exclusively for another four or five years. If you date casually you will eliminate all the drama and trauma that befall one on one interactions while least able to cope. Eventually, you will begin to zero in on two and ultimately one individual with whom to have an exclusive relationship with.

I believe that you love this person; however, there are many different aspects to love that you will be discovering. During the early teen years love is more infatuation and what is called "Puppy Love" than the mature love that will come to you later. The feelings are no less real, however, they manifest themselves differently and the ability that awaits you to experience the aspects of mature love are quite different. I urge that you walk, not run, smell the roses along the way, and give these processes time to form and work. In the meantime enjoy being a kid because you have the whole rest of your life to be an adult.

> The bottom line is, She says that she wants a second chance, but not until later on (most likely sometime in/after the second half of high school) I really want this to be true.

A second chance in two or three years is a lifetime to a person your age. Much will happen to you between now and then. If you can keep the friendship going and also date others in the meantime, you may just have your wish. You won't know for sure, though, if she is the right person until you have dated others. As you do, don't make comparisons. Dating is supposed to be a venu for collecting information and trying on the many aspects of the different individuals we encounter.