4-6 Months Seems to be my Limit

[girl1965]

I am a single attractive female, who has dated a lot of wonderful people (men and women) and was married for 10 years to my high school sweetheart. My problem is this:

When I first become involved with a person, I am usually very attracted to them and want to be intimate with them within a reasonable period of time (a month or so?). After the first month of dating, then the second month of intimate dating, I then begin to lose interest in sex with them. Eventually, I begin to feel myself getting irritated with them often and it seems like I just want to pull away from the person and go back to being just friends. It doesn't really matter who they are, how great they are or anything like that. (I don't date jerks, but really wonderful people as I said before) I eventually break up with the individual (usually around the 4-6 month mark), and then we become friends. Needless to say, I have a lot of wonderful friends!

Help! What is wrong with me?? Am I the jerk you read about who just can't commit? Or am I one of those people who should probably just have friends in life, and not get too close physically? I'm beginning to think there's something not right about this process I seem to continue to go through. I'm wondering if deep down I just don't really want a serious relationship, but I keep getting to that level with these different people because it seems like the next thing to do, especially with the hormones raging. Or am I looking for that person to connect with at a deeper level and just going too fast then discovering they aren't really the one?

Truly, hit me with any ideas, cause I've considered them all and I'd like to know what other people might think about this or if they have experienced it to this degree (every time I date someone somewhat seriously).

Thank you, and I promise, I'm not a lunatic, just a relationship confused individual.

[WallyLlama]

Well, you've perhaps heard the saying:

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

So... you make not be a lunatic, but might be insane? LOL

You've asked most of the right questions, so it might be a case of finding the answers. The two questions I'd add to your list are:

1. Why is this a problem? (I'm thinking that the answer to that is going to be part of the answer to question number two.)

2. What do you want (relationship-wise) over the longer term?

[MamasHome]

I can relate to your dillema girl, went through that kind of thing for a bit before I realized what I was doing. Wally hit the nail on the head, if what you are doing isn't working, its time to rethink things. Are you heading into the sex things too soon? I dont think so.. but one question ya might ask yourself is are you doing the whole sex thing the same way each time.

What my major issues boiled down to:

1. It boils down to a low self image, but I was starved for that feeling that someone thought I was desirable and worth their time. That was a rough realization, but I took some time to get to know myself and develope some self love and it helped a lot.

2. I had spent so much of my life being the nurturer and the giver that I was afraid to ask for what *I* wanted, hell I wasn't quite sure WHAT i wanted for awhile hehe. I let myself settle. Bad bad bad. It makes you think that you are not getting what you want, even though ya havent tried to ask for it and that in turns gets the resentment/irratation ball rolling etc etc.

Once I started being more proactive, things really looked up. I took some time to realize that I had self worth and should want the best for myself, that I should be selfish (in a good way). I asked myself what I was looking for in a man or woman, and what I wanted to get out of a relationship. I also got a lot more adventurous as far as sex and being the one to initiate conversations about it. That helped a lot. Men are very much willing to help with your fantasies and share theirs too. It can really spice things up and keep it fresh, and that naturally boils over into the rest of the relationship making it more fulfilling in many ways.

Thats my story, not sure if it applies to your situation or not, but I hope it helps a lil.