Am I an attention seeker?

[Cybertronian]

Hey guys, first time poster but long time lurker here. Hopefully you may be able to give me a few pieces of advice on my situation...


I've been in a steady relationship with a girl for 2.5 months now and I'm crazy about her. I care about her and think of her often. Prior to us getting together, we were aquaintences 4 years ago in our first years of university but drifted apart due to various reasons (year in employment for her, change of degree for me etc).

Earlier this year, we discovered that we were in the same class through pure luck and our friendship developed from there. It was really nice during those days; we'd have coffee, watch a movie together, I'd cook for her/she'd cook for me etc, but we were not dating.

Then Valentines day came by and she asked me if I was going to give her a card this year jokingly. I said I would but only if I could find a smutty one for her and she agreed. Sadly, I couldn't but I did get her a card anyway along with a candy bar she really likes. She was having a rough day and actually hadn't received any cards from guys which surprised me. So, I gave her the card and candy and she was over the moon. I was really happy that she liked them but I still only saw her as a friend, there was no hint of romance at all from my side.

The friendship continued for about another month, consisting of the things above. We started talking more and more, getting into deeper areas, often of a sexual nature. She would flirt with me and I would flirt back, but I was still unsure whether she was interested or not. I started to like her more and more and to everybody else, we were essentially dating.

One evening after I had cooked for us and she had finished all her work for the day, I decided to take her to a nice fancy bar in town for drinks. I'd had a couple of beers but she stayed sober, drinking only lemonade. It was late and I walked her back home as per usual but for the first time, she invited me in for tea (how British!). I had my tea and said I was gonna walk home, but she insisted that I stay the night with her, so I did. We had sex, and it was very good. We didn't talk about what had happened the day after, but we had become very close; we would hold hands, she'd kiss me on the cheek etc. I invited her over for dinner at my place a few days later and asked if she wanted to spend the night with me or not, she said yes. Once again, we had sex and she asked me what I wanted from her, to which I replied "I'd like to get together with you, boyfriend-girlfriend..." She was not phased by this and agreed that she'd wanted to too, and we continued to lay some ground rules down (standard stuff really).

The weeks to come were interesting, I'd met all of her friends and had been accepted into their circle, just as she had been accepted into mine. And this is where the problem started to appear; it was rare that we would get any time to ourselves, not because her friends would interrupt our time together but she'd invite them to join us on most occassions! At first, I didn't see this as a problem but it happens far too often now. My friends know that I appreciate time with her so they stay clear of us when we're at my place. She still finds a way to spend time with her friends though, by jumping on my computer and then signing herself into MSN Messenger, or taking calls on her cellphone. Like before, I wouldn't be so bothered if it was infrequent, but it happens so often now. You're probably wondering why I haven't spoken to her about it, well I have; we've actually had two fights about it and both times, she's apologised and agreed to try to change, but she still does it.

We both left university this week; I will be returning in September but she graduates this summer. We spent our last days together helping her run all of her errands before she had to go home. She had promised me that we would spend those days together and alone, but it didn't happen. I wasn't angry because I knew she had to take care of those errands but I was upset that she had managed her time so poorly and had to eat into our time together to get things done. I wouldn't have even dared to do such a thing if the roles were reversed.

Right, so the bottom line is that I'm craving attention from her because lately, I don't seem to be getting any. She's busy, and I'm busy but I still manage to dedicate time for us, whereas she doesn't. We'll be in different cities over the summer and if the situation was like that when we're in the same university, what's it going to be like when we're separated from each other, possibly having to wait weeks before we get to see each other? I feel I received so much more attention from her before we got together and quite frankly, I miss those days. If I'm being selfish, then please say so but if not, then what can I do? I care about her and don't want to lose her, but this is really getting me down and no amount of talking about the problem with her seems to help.

[dancingdoc2]

You've tried talking, perhaps it time for tit for tat. On the other hand--

Instead of rehashing all this with her, why not try explain to her what you have written, here, and offer to help her prioritize her schedule. Your complaint is unusual in that this scenario is most often voiced by women who find their man off with the boys more than he is off with her.

On second thought, that idea of tit for tat is probably not a good one because if you retaliate by saying either you want to invite one or more of your friends along or that you are busy, she will fail to see the comparison and be mad or hurt.

Anybody else have any curealls for this condition?

[Brandye]

She was in the mood and you were readily available. You got laid. End of story.