Dating vs. Friendship

[bobabby]

I have been out with this girl about 4 times and I'm not sure what direction this relationship is going towards. I had ask her the third time we went out what are we doing. She said she likes to take things slow and let it just happen. We still haven't hookup. Well I never tried because I'm not sure the best way to approach it. Should I be worried? Is this heading towards friendship or do some girls just take things slow? How do I know if she's into me as a boyfriend not a friend?

[dancingdoc2]

A handful of dates is much much too soon to try and determine what direction if any your budding friendship is going.

> She said she likes to take things slow and let it just happen.

Interpretation: She does not know, either, and is taking each date as a way to learn more about you and her compatibility with you. Give the process time to work and do not rush things. Let's say you date two-four times a month, then after four or five months you can evaluate the situation between you and decide whether or not to have an exclusive relationship.

Now, having said this, if you have read many of my posts, including another one, today, you know that I am very much against teens and people in their early twenties dating just enough to find the first warm body who pays any attention to them and stopping. The whole purpose of dating is to sample much of what humanity has to offer so that when the time does come to narrow the field of interest to two and eventually one, you are better prepared to make an informed decision. Also, if your are a teen, or slightly older and have not done much if any dating, then you need to begin asking lots of girls out for causal get togethers. If you focus your attention on just one you may be missing out on someone more compatible. In addition, you eliminate all the drama of breaking up, dealing with each other's differences and personalities, and interests when you are least able to cope, having yet to develop the maturity or social skills required.

[WallyLlama]

"Hooking up" (I assume that means having sex) is not the measure of boyfriend status. In fact, I know of no universally accepted measurement that defines what a relationship is.

I may be wrong, but I hear your question as "should I expect her to have sex with me?" She's already answered the question. "Nope!"

The people who are in the relationship define it... forget about hooking up and continue to monitor how you both feel about each other and your relationship. She's telling you (I gather) that she'd like to keep things loosely defined and not jump into anything. Why would that worry you?

What are you telling her?