I'm not sure what I want to do

[emoney]

I just am not certain of what I want exactly. I mean, I have a great girl and she is actually pretty much everything I've wanted in a girlfriend. This is also my very first relationship that involves sex (I'm 20) and after about 5 months of serious dating, I seriously have these urges to be with other women. I don't wanna cheat on her, but I also know for a fact that I want to experience other women.

I still love and want to be with my girlfriend and I know it wouldn't be fair to cheat on her because that's not even close to what she deserves, but I also want sex with other girls.


I was thinking about breaking up with her to just get some space and be free for a while but I don't want her to get with anyone else.I know it's selfish of me but what can I really say about it?

[Brandye]

Nothing wrong at age 20 to be wondering and wanting to experience others. Go for it. But what you describe is not love for this woman, it is possessiveness.

If you want to roam free, then she gets to roam free. The chances of your getting back together after a few months are low; the chances of your relationship lasting with your wanderlust are nil.

Sounds like it is not quite time for either of you to settle down.

[Lass]

Although I'm not fond of them, have you considered a threesome? I know they don't work in all relationships but it's a suggestion.

Have you talked to her about these feelings?

[Brandye]

Lass,

Read some of the threads on threesomes and think about it.

[emoney]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Nothing wrong at age 20 to be wondering and wanting to experience others. Go for it. But what you describe is not love for this woman, it is possessiveness.

If you want to roam free, then she gets to roam free. The chances of your getting back together after a few months are low; the chances of your relationship lasting with your wanderlust are nil.

Sounds like it is not quite time for either of you to settle down.

I just thought I'd be able to have ONE relationship in my young life that lasts at least a year. I thought I would be able to be with the girl I lost my virginity for a long while as well.


I guess my next course of action is to determine when and how exactly to end it. I think I'm so hesitant to do so because I know a woman as good as she has been is really hard to find,especially with my history of girls not treating me so well.

[emoney]

Originally Posted by Lass

Although I'm not fond of them, have you considered a threesome? I know they don't work in all relationships but it's a suggestion.

No I really haven't. I honestly don't think it would be healthy for our relationship
at this point.

Originally Posted by Lass

Have you talked to her about these feelings?

I should talk to her about how I feel but I don't because I fear that she might lose interest or just flat-out leave me.

[dancingdoc2]

You need to do what dating is designed to do--let you and others sample what humanity has to offer so that when the time does come to zero in on Ms. or Mr. Right, you will be able to make better choices from all that you have experienced.

Your desire to be with other women is natural and is a part of human development that should not be overlooked or sidetracked. All too often dating stops with the first warm body that shows any interest in us. When you are young as you are, and particularly during the teen years, this is arresting behavior. My advise, overall, is to begin dating lots and lots of people and then over time, narrowing the field down to a couple, and then to just one. Do not enter into any exclusive relationship for awhile.

I have no advise for how to handle your present relationship. This is a call only you can make based upon your history and the dynamics of the relationship.

[WallyLlama]

Relationships are about relating. They are not contractual as in "I should be able to do this and you shouldn't do that."

Good relationships require a healthy dose of honesty. It sounds like you are being reasonably honest with yourself. Be honest with her.

Words and actions have consequences. Since you are effectively saying, "I think I love you and you may be everything I need but first I need to try sex with a lot more women" I suspect she will have some difficulty relating to that position, but it's best you take it now if you are going to.

I don't happen to think we're supposed to shop for a perfect mate. I think we fall in love and make the relationship perfect - or as close as possible - and really end up spending the rest of our lives together doing exactly that, making it perfect. That's not easy, but it's worth the effort.

But it's also not wrong to decide not to make the effort, particularly if you are miles apart or if it doesn't feel right. Just make sure you know what you are giving up and what you are getting.