my girl too experienced?

[Naroku]

okay so, i am 18 and she is 17, i met my girlfriend about a year ago and over that time we opened up to each other. Over this long period of time she told me that she used to go to parties, get really messed up w/ drugs and drinking.....btw, she doesn't do that anymore...and told me that she has had sex with many guys. Out of these she has told me of threesomes and foursomes and all of this makes me uncomfortable when i think about it. I love her very much but i still feel kind of a pain in my heart to know that she has had sex so many times. sometimes i just feel like i don't want to have sex anymore and feel like i'm unable to please, even though she says that i do. Am I wrong to feel this way?

[Brandye]

Her private life did not begin with you and, so, part of that is none of your business. She sounds as though she was quite promiscuous. That does properly concern you. What caused her to tell you all this? There are certainly things from my past that will never be shared with a potential lover.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by Naroku

okay so, i am 18 and she is 17, i met my girlfriend about a year ago and over that time we opened up to each other. Over this long period of time she told me that she used to go to parties, get really messed up w/ drugs and drinking.....btw, she doesn't do that anymore...and told me that she has had sex with many guys. Out of these she has told me of threesomes and foursomes and all of this makes me uncomfortable when i think about it. I love her very much but i still feel kind of a pain in my heart to know that she has had sex so many times. sometimes i just feel like i don't want to have sex anymore and feel like i'm unable to please, even though she says that i do. Am I wrong to feel this way?

I understand your being uneasy about this. But given her past, you need to focus first on the potential for STD's. If she has not contracted anything from a lifestyle like that, then she is very lucky.

[Newchic]

I believe everyone has done really stupid things in their past (I know I have) but, there is nothing she or you can to to change that. If you love her now that is what counts. She obviously cares and trusts you enough to let you in on this. Just my .02.

[Jaysey]

As long as she has no STDs and can't transmit them to you, it is none of your business what her past was like. Don't think about it, and it won't bug you as much.

[Maribelle]

Yes, I've also made really dangerous sexual choices that I have regreted ... but, it doesn't make me a bad person -- it doesn't mean I'm not committed to my relationship now & luckilly, I haven't had STDs ... that is of course a concern & it would be safest for you to use protection if not also get tested together

[adam]

Originally Posted by Jaysey

Don't think about it, and it won't bug you as much.

Great advice. Just stop thinking. Everything is better when you don't think as much. Clearly, it has worked for you.

Naroku - what exactly is it that bothers you about the past lifestyle? Is it jealousy? A need for control? Judging by your post, you seem like a guy who attaches a certain value to sex (not that there's anything wrong with that), and judging by your girlfriend's previous lifestyle, it seems that she doesn't. Perhaps you're insecure that your girlfriend doesn't find sex with you as significant as you find sex with her?

Don't get me wrong, though. I can understand where you're coming from. I find promiscuous women a turn off. But on the other hand, I do want to get laid at some point before I get married. It isn't easy to reconcile. You're going to have to accept the fact that you can't control the way you feel about the situation. If your girlfriend felt the need to tell you about all those things, then I don't think it's unreasonable that you discuss them with your girlfriend if they make you uncomfortable. You owe it to the both of you if you don't want this to spiral into something more destructive.

[pozzolane]

Out of all that blather adam, I found just as little that would be helpful to this poster as you slammed Jaysay for. Jaysay wasn't too far off. But instead of ceasing to think about it (because that's not possible), He needs to change the way he does think about it (easier said than done)

This is not about the two of them. This is about him. The only concern you should have is whether she is STD free. Was she careful in her promiscuous past? Find out. Other than that her past is simply water under the bridge. I'm sure you have things in your past you would feel uncomfortable sharing. Stop thinking that every woman you date must be a virgin! This is not how modern times operate.

Let the past be the past

[troilistfriend]

Here's something for you to think about, all of her experience has made her who she is. Perhaps she made changes and isn't the same now, but those experiences has made her who she is now. If you like/or eventually love her, you love her because of who she is. She may not be the person you're interested in if it wasn't for her experience. If you think of this way, it might help...

[Naroku]

thanks to you all, your input if very settling..i guess its just like adam said...i do hope that sex is just as great to me as it is to her. i've only had sex with a couple girls and these being kind of long term relationships, i guess i just need to adjust this all. i haven't known any girls that had a background like hers, and well, she isn't like that anymore and i love her very much.((stds checked out before intercourse occured.))