Confused

[Josh17]

When there is this girl who knows you like her, she flirts with you, but you are pretty sure that if you ask her out, what does the guy do? Im seventeen, am still a virgin, and have never had a girlfriend before, so relying on any past experience is totally out of the question, but I really like this girl and I truely have only a matter of like two months to make my move before I possibly lose her forever, I am dying for some advice please.

[dancingdoc2]

You can use the direct frontal approach in which you go up to her, chit chat about anything but the weather for a bit, then ask her if she would like to go for a soda, milkshake, or snack after school or next Saturday. If she says, yes, ask her if time A or time B is more convenient. If neither, ask her what time is best. If you want to pick her up, get her address and phone number. If you plan to meet, say when and where and then be prompt.

You can use the soft shoe approach in which you befriend her, first, by chit chatting here and there as your paths cross, make plans to eat one or more lunches together at school, and then after a week or so of this, ask her out, as above.

There was a recent discussion on where to go for first dates and to the movie rated low because you cannot talk and get to know one another better. So, this is why I suggest having a meal or drink once or twice, first, before going to a movie. If you have some other idea in mind for a date like a game or dance, then invite her.

You can tell her something like you like her, would like to get to know her better and that you wish to invite her to do A, B, or C, on such and such day and would she like to do this with you. If she wants more info, provide it. If she says "yes", thank her very much and if the date is later in the week, tell her you will call to confirm a day prior. You can also give her your phone number.

If you want to chit-chat, then ask leading questions designed to get her to talk. Your part in this is to hold up your end of the conversation by asking questions about what she talks about. Easy, huh? Tell her a thing or two about you but never tell all. Save all the rest for later and divy it out a little at a time. I'm not saying to be secretive, no!, just don't spill all your beens at once, so you have more to share as you get together later.

[pozzolane]

Originally Posted by dancingdoc2

There was a recent discussion on where to go for first dates and to the movie rated low because you cannot talk and get to know one another better. So, this is why I suggest having a meal or drink once or twice, first, before going to a movie.

I know lots of people say that they don't like movies for first dates because you cannot talk during the movie but, in my humble opinion, I prefer movies to dinner.

Akward moments are...well, akward! Especially since people might feel "under the gun" to come up with good converstation. Extended silences happen quite a bit during the first few dates (especially when you are younger) until more ice can be chipped away and both parties relax a little more. Movies help eliminate the akward silences, and they also provide conversation when they are over (talk about the movie...what you liked/disliked about it). I think the biggest reason movies are disliked is beacause they are not that original. I would suggest doing something you both enjoy and could enjoy together for a first date. If dinner seems a little to intimate for you for a first date, then do something else. If a movie is too dull then plan accordingly. I think you get the idea.

Before you get to this stage, however, you have to take Doc's advice. Just be confident and approach her. You have nothing to lose right now correct?

[Josh17]

Ok I understand what both of you are saying (and trust me I'm taking notes) but let me also add a little more information. We are already friends, relatively close friends, just this past weekedn we went to the movies and the mall. And while I know her pretty well (as I know her address and phone number) she is one of those girls who can take you by suprise. So just a little info to help you...well...help me I guess. Thanks though still for the info, she is in my first period class so I am going to talk to her today, I'll try and remember what you said.

[dancingdoc2]

Practice...practice...practice.... Speak out loud to the wind or your pet or a friend to see how what you want to say sounds, and, to correct any awkwardness that may be in your speech.

> she is one of those girls who can take you by suprise. So just a little info to help you.

I'm not sure what you mean by surprise. That's just not enough information.

> she flirts with you, but you are pretty sure that if you ask her out, what does the guy do?

That the two of you are friends, that you have gone out together sounds like she will go again with you if all is well between you, so, what's the question--again?

> I truely have only a matter of like two months to make my move before I possibly lose her forever, I am dying for some advice please.

What's about to happen? Is she moving away?

Come on, Josh, spill some more beans, please.

Doc

[Josh17]

First Question:
She is a very suprising girl because she... well... she finds things fun that not alot of other people would, she makes me laugh, and not alot of people can do that the way she does.

Second Question:
We have already actually planned another "date" to go see the movie Silent Hill (she like scary movies, another suprise I think) but we go as friends, and I dont really know if anything is coming out of the relationship we do have together already or I mean if our realtionship is moving up the ladder in a manner of speaking, we are close friends but I dont honestly believe that too much more will come out of it, BUT, that does not mean I will quit, I will go as far as I need to, but not cross the boundary of losing her friendship.

Third Question:
She is leaving for the Air Force, and I am leaving for college, and she is going to Texas to train for them. That is a long ways away and it would tear me apart if I was not able to spend time with her intimately(not meaning sex or oral just along the lines of a good boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I do not believe I am ready for sex quite yet anyway, I have my own issue I need to work out before I am ready.

UPDATE:
It is Monday 5:45 PM for me right now, this Friday her and I are going to spend a day together at an amusement park because the both of us are afraid of roller coasters and well... our friends dont share the same feelings. And as well we will be spending time together at our Senior prom the following Friday, we have already planned to dance together. We have also planned to hang out at a graduation party in the beginning of June, and she is going to go to my 18th birthday party and to hang out at my family reunion at the beginning of July, shortly after however she will leave. Another reason to help go along with the answer to question one is that I dont know if she is doing this because we are really good friends, she wants to move higher on the ladder, or if she is just that bored. She is very hard to read and I dont really want to ask her because i am afraid of upsetting her, I would either have the luck of finding out that she just wants to be good friends and she gets scared and doesnt really want to do all that again, or I would get the luck of her actually saying she wants to move up higher on the ladder (that would be a good thing but...) but then I would be stuck on what the heck to do next, oh and on a side note you guys/ladies are great, thanks for all the help you have provided me so far

[pozzolane]

Congrats you have met a girl that is hard to read...ummm..you have met a girl!

All kidding, aside how much thought have you put into the likely possibility that shes into you as much as you're into her? Most women will not make the first move. Almost always it's up to you to do that.

If shes as good of a friend as you say, telling her that you like her as more than that should not ruin it. Infact, even if she doesn't feel the same way it will probably make her feel closer to you, in that you could trust her with your feelings.

Long story short, you're on the right track but make sure you go through with it. I think it would be more of a shame to wonder, several years later, what would have happened if you would have told her.

[Josh17]

Well, what do you all think of this... I'll ask her, somehow, this Friday on our trip, it may take a little nerve to do it, but I think I'll give it a try, but still then, I've read up 'how' to ask a girl, but frankly I havent got the...well...hate to say it but I aint got the balls, so I would truely appreciate so input from you guys who have your own maybe method or so, or any of you ladies out there who might be able to guide me in the right direction.

[dancingdoc2]

Thank you for the additional information, Josh. Your situation is one I am familiar with, having "been there, done that", so to speak. I've gone to college and enlisted in the service spending all of my time overseas and away from loved ones, only visiting on annual leaves/vacations.

In my never to be so humble opinion, now is not the time to begin climbing any higher on your ladder. Why? Because both of you will more than likely be dealing with separation issues and possibly home sickness for a time. Each of you in unique ways will be encountering a very structured environment and having to come to terms with each. College requires a whole new coping skill that you have to learn quickly because you instantly become your own boss and if you make poor choices, homework and research do not get done, partying takes on too important of a role, and if you also work, then time will be even more precious, The first year of college can be very trying because you are responsible for seeing that you budget your time properly and take responsibility for seeing that things get done. No one is looking over your shoulder and reminding you to do this or that. You will also be making new friends and encountering people on campus with much different backgrounds and experiences that you will have to deal with. If your study habbits are not all that great, the you will be spending additional time honing them.

Your friend will be in somewhat similar circumstances, although her time will be much more controlled. She must focus on and devote much of her days to what the service demands of her. She has to contend with Basic Training and Advanced Training, plus, all the busy work the powers that be always find for new recruits. For the first half of the year or more, her time will mostly not be her own.

With all this going on, it is my recommendation that the two of you stay in touch with letters or E-mail and support each other in your respective lives. Later as each of you settles into your new lives you might want to share your feelings for her; although, keep in mind that for the next four years, you are on campus and she is wherever the service decides to send her. You really do not have any time to share to establish much more than what you now enjoy. Make the most of this and after six months or so, feel her out and see if she wants more from and the same things from you and the relationship that you want with her and it.

Very often friendships stand the test of time yet do not have the necessary ingredients to make love relationships. If this is to by your desitny then enjoy a long friendship with her. If she wants more from it and you, then works slowly toward the new goal based upon how much time and effort you can put into it. If you are to be separated for the next four years, I 'd say just table your urges and keep the lines of communication and support open and well oiled.

Even if the two of you were together in the same town with one or both of you in college, it is darn tough and very stressful to add a marriage into the equation. I do not recommend trying to get something going on this level until you are out of school and she, perhaps, has satisfied her initial enlistment. I am aware that this is probably not what you want to hear, but these are your new realities.

Good luck. Got questions?

[Josh17]

My new realities ey? Well, I guess, thanks, I gotta ask you a question though, ever had a football cleat to the face? I have, and how I am feeling now is becoming real similar. I know you are probably right, and I completely understand everything you are saying for me, but if I just gave up now, and only try to keep our friendship strong and true, I would have wasted my entire Senior year on a pointless bond between us, I am sorry, but I cannot allow that, I may seem stubborn to you and I will be the first to admit I am extremely stubborn (it runs in my family) and I may seem stupid, but I cannot allow her to leave without knowing how I feel abuot her, and I could not survive college without the knowledge of how she feels, as tough as it may be, she is just as stubborn as I am, and although long distance relationships are hold to hold together, I would go to the sun and back to be with her. But let me reiterate, I understand completely what you are saying, and I havent even thought of marriage at all yet... except my marriage project I worked on last year... with, her, as a matter of fact. Strange... But I believe that she must know, and I can guarantee that it will not interfere with her training or my college because we are both too smarrt to allow that to happen, and with that inteligence we will find a way to keep in touch. But just to clarify, all your past posts have been real helpful to me, but in this last one you never mentioned what I should do with the time we had remaining, or at least I didnt see it anyway, whatever the case may be, I will forge on against the government and the education system (damn that is one hell of a blizzard) for someone I do truely see myself with the opportunity of spending the rest of our lives together. Oh and just to add another side note, Im not a partying kind of guy, the only type of party I may attend in college would be a lan party, just to give you a hint.