He Might be leaving

[RJWinters]

My boyfriend is thinking about transfering to a different college. He and I have been really good friends since the beginning of the school year and have only recently gotten together. We spend so much time together and I love every minute we spend together. My problem is that I am afraid of what is going to happen if he gets into the school he's applied for. For one thing we dont live in the same state and with summer coming up we wont be seeing each other at all. And if he does end up going there, well then I dont know what to do. I cant tell him not to go because that college would help him achieve his dreams better then our college right now, but what am I going to do if he does end up leaving?

[warnes_flipper]

Find another guy that appreciates you as much as you deserve. My girlfriend is leaving this summer too, and while I'm definately not looking forward to her leaving, I know that I'll be able to find another girl who I like just as much, and who treats me as well as I deserve.

[pozzolane]

Originally Posted by RJWinters

I cant tell him not to go because that college would help him achieve his dreams better then our college right now, but what am I going to do if he does end up leaving?

In my opinion it seems like one of the reasons long distance relationships are hard for some people is because they lose 'control'. It's not like they ever had it, but they worry about "what 'might happen' when I'm not there".

Don't

If it's meant to be it will be. If it's not don't worry about it. You do not have control over the relationship! Only over yourself.

[WallyLlama]

Hard choices, for sure... one thing LDRs do is force you to consider whether you love the person on their companionship.

While Pozz's thoughts on control are valid, they are incomplete in my opinion. Relationships work best when there is shared control and responsibility. You have to learn to share control, certainly... and that can mean giving up some of the control of yourself.

In other words, you and he need to answer the question of what you are going to do if he does end up leaving. If you decide to deal with that together it will be a lot easier for both of you.

[dancingdoc2]

> He and I have been really good friends since the beginning of the school year and have only recently gotten together. We spend so much time together and I love every minute we spend together.

And when do you do your research and homework?

My vote is to continue to correspond and interact with each other after the move and for one or both of you to date others locally. If the existing relationship is meant to be then it will endure the test of time and separation. On the other hand, as I continue to point out to people who think the only purpose for dating is to find the first person to come along and latch on, the real purpose is to date several people in order to sample what humanity has to offer so that when the time comes to narrow the field and select one from the many, you will make better choices.

[Lass]

I've been in an LDR for almost 10 months now. It hasn't always been easy and we had an extremely rough patch at the beginning of March. We've always had the long distance relationship so I don't know...I'm not going to say it comes easy because it never does, but after a while everything you use to worry about you don't worry about anymore.

If you care for the guy see if it works. If it doesn't then move on. You won't ever know until you try, right?

It just seems like people are saying, "he's moving away, move on yourselve." Maybe I look to deeply into relationships but I believe you should try to make it work.

[RJWinters]

Lass, how do you deal with the fact that he might meet someone else? I am glad to see one person at least does feel like I should move on just because he is leaving. I cant have that opinion because we both live in different states to begin with. So thank you for your support Lass

[RJWinters]

So he got the acceptance letter today

[adam]

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

If he alters his future to stay with you, he will come to resent you for it.

[batman527]

Originally Posted by warnes_flipper

Find another guy that appreciates you as much as you deserve. My girlfriend is leaving this summer too, and while I'm definately not looking forward to her leaving, I know that I'll be able to find another girl who I like just as much, and who treats me as well as I deserve.

This happens a lot in college. What you seem to miss is that the decision to transfer isn't about YOU. It's about him. If he decides that it's more important in his life to transfer to another school than it is to stay at the school with you, then he should go, and he shouldn't have anything holding him back. College is the most important formative years of your life. If you get stuck in something you're unhappy with (i.e. choice of major), be prepared for a lifetime of unhappiness with work and probably everything else in life. This is why I've changed my major three times in three years.

Here's where you come in. You can decide with him to make this relationship work even with the distance. If that's what you want, go for it. If you're not interested in a long distance relationship with this guy, as flipper says, find someone else. However, don't let this make you bitter towards him. He's not leaving to break your heart. He's leaving for reasons that are his own. If transferring into a new school/field is what he wants, you should encourage him to do so.

Be happy for him because he gets to go to this new school, where he will be able to create the life that he wants for himself. Then, take care of yourself, there are lots of fish in the sea, and I'm sure there's another one out there that will make you happy. Focus on your life, and what's going to make you happy.

Quoth adam

If he alters his future to stay with you, he will come to resent you for it.

I couldn't agree more. Let him go, it's not the end of the world, and the odds are he'll resent you if he stays and is unhappy.