Confused

[compgirl]

Ok, so I met this guy a while back (maybe 3 months ago). We got along, he ended up asking me out on a date, we've been dating for about a month and a half now. He's a really great guy - generous, funny, polite, the sex is fantastic, etc. Problem is that he has some major control issues. Things HAVE to be his way, or he gets extrtemely frustrated and/or angry. I'm not just talking about with me, it's that way with everything. His burger takes 2 minutes longer than he thought it should at McDonalds? "What part of my burger confused you? What took so long?"... it is so embarrassing. So I've decided that there is no way I could ever have a "real" relationship with him because I just couldn't deal with that long term.

I don't want him out of my life though. I'd like for us to stay friends, because he really is a very nice, wonderful, polite person... unless you do something that veers from his little "plan". Also, I started helping him with his business right around the time we also started dating, and I would like the business relationship to continue. He has always said that if something happened to the dating end of things, he would like to remain friends, that he cares alot about me. I don't know quite how to tell him though.

The added problem to this is that a few days ago, I ran into an exboyfriend I hadn't seen in two years. We ended up talking until the bar closed, then went for coffee after. The next day he called and said he had an extra ticket to a concert him and some friends were going to and would I like to come. I went, we had a ball, and even though nothing happened, there was definetly some chemistry going on between us. He knows I am dating someone else, and I have a feeling that he was holding back because of it. I don't even know if I want anything to happen between us, but I know that there is no future with the person I am seeing now. I don't want to tell the guy I am dating that I don't want to see him because of "x y z", and then end up dating my ex and he thinks I broke it off with him because of that. Any advice or another perspective would be great here. (My ex and I broke up amicably btw)

[WallyLlama]

My suggestion is that you read your own post!

1. There is nothing "polite" about a control freak. Quite frankly, you are deluding yourself on that one. Any person who freaks out over two extra minutes on a hamburg is: a) "not right" and b) self-centered beyond belief. If you doubt this, tell him what you posted here.

2. This relationship with Mr. Wonderful is a classic textbook future abusive relationship. I'll bet he's already got you scared... the reason you don't quite know how to tell him is simple fear. So in a sense, he's already got you. Picture the woman with the black eye who says, "He's wonderful unless he's drunk." Substitute the words "He's wonderful as long as his hamburg isn't late." You will probably think I exagerate, but self-centered control freaks survive because they find victims whether it's the poor McDonald's worker or their significant other - who's really INSIGNIFICANT in the scheme of things.

3. You are going to be known by the company you keep. What kinds of friends to you suppose you'll attract if you hang with Mr. Wonderful? Do you really want to be in business with this guy? He wants (notice those two words) to remain friends even if "something happens" to the "dating end?" You might ask him how you fit into his "little plan" because you can bet he has one. If your description of him is accurate he is incapable of caring a lot about you. He's too busy caring about himself and worry about his hamburger.

4. Isn't it interesting that Mr. Wonderful is without much effort preventing you from even exploring whether or not you want something to happen with the ex?

Frankly, this one looks black and white. You need to put some major distance between you and Mr. Wonderful - NOW. I'll bet it won't be pretty. This guy is a cannon looking for places to explode.