She thinks she is ugly...

[champloo]

goodbye, people.

[dancingdoc2]

All the more reason why teenagers should not date and have exclusive relationships for several more years.

FYI- we chatted briefly elsewhere about the maturing process. Here is some addlitional information:
* At thirteen and fourteen, teens tend to be clickish and hang out with members of the same gender
* At fifteen teens begin mixing and form groups comprised of both boys and girls
* At sixteen-eighteen teens shrink the size of the group and begin focusing on one, two or three people of the opposite gender
* At around nineteen, our circle of friends is usually small and we are focused on one or two people to date

When you enter into an exclusive relationship too early, then you are ill equiped and ill prepared to handle all the termoil and drama that a one-on-one relationship carries with it. Better many experts believe to date as many people as possible at seventeen and older and not to focus on one until much older and at a time when you are really ready to settle down.

Spend the next few years learning about others in group settings, supervised when necessary, and then when older and more mature, begin dating, although not exclusively. People fair much better when they date lots of others and learn more about what humanity has to offer. In so doing we acquire knowledge and understanding about character, quirks, likes, dislikes, and all the other aspects that help go into making a choice in a life partner later in life. The more people we are exposed to, the better able we will be to make a wise choice.

So, my advice is to be friends with this girl if you want but not to have an exclusive relationship with her--or anyone else for a couple of years. You simply are not ready for it at this age.

I also recommend having or developing a large circle of friends and doing things together with some or all; then, in a couple of years as you too gain life experience and more maturity, you can begin to center your attention on two and then one individual. If you live life this way you will be happier in the long run and will not have to contend with all the problems associated with breaking up over and over again, and, as mentioned earlier, the drama and heartache that you are not yet prepared to adequately handle.

Do not be in a rush to grow up. You have the rest of your life to be an adult. In the meantime, tread slowly and take the time to smell the roses along the way. Develop friends, learn how to interact with them, socially, and these skills will serve you well, later, when you begin to have exclusive relationships.

[pozzolane]

You've been given excellent advice by dancing doc. It's not foolish to make a mistake. However, to be given good advice and then not taking it is.

[champloo]

doc, thats some good advice you got.

i would do that...but..

then here comes the stubborness of a 14 year old. oh, boy.

and then comes how much i feel for this young individual. sure, i dont mind being friends. but then i want to be there with her when we are of a better age to be more "exclusive".

am i wrong for feeling like that?

also, im not rushing anything. i just dont want to miss things that are in my grasp right now, that might be gone in the next instance.

and as you could have read in the poem she wrote to me, she wants me there, so she can show me things and she doesnt want me to let go, and all that.

more confusion brought to you by a 14 year old.


but dont worry, i understand what you mean...i think.

does going slow count as not being exclusive?

and, what if the relationship i had with her wasnt exclusive until after i have been around her for like a year?

do these things matter?

[Brandye]

Champ,

In all that blather there is one thing that matters: she is threatening suicide. Teen suicide is a serious and growing problem in all the industrial world. No professional any longer ignores suicide threats.

Get beyond your narcissistic meanderings and give a copy of that poem to someone who can make a difference: her parents, your parents, a minister, a mental health center, a school counselor. Get the information to someone who can provide help.

There is a chance that she is, as you, an over dramatizing teen with hormones raging. The alternative is more than you care to imagine.

[dancingdoc2]

> i would do that...but..

But with one "t" in the English language means "no" or I've ignored the previous...

> and then comes how much i feel for this young individual. sure, i dont mind being friends. but then i want to be there with her when we are of a better age to be more "exclusive".

Good things are worth waiting for. If it is meant to be it will happen. More than likely the two of you will change much in the next several months and might just not be interested in each other. Such is usually the case during these times. If the interest continues, she will be there for you when the two of you get additional mileage under your feet.

> am i wrong for feeling like that?

Of course this is not wrong; however, kids your age go through relationships laced with puppy love very quickly and repeatedly, one after the other.

> im not rushing anything. i just dont want to miss things that are in my grasp right now, that might be gone in the next instance.

The thing of it is you shouldn't be grasping at relatlonships right now. This should develop in three or four more years. In the meantime, have fun with friends.

The poem is just a reaction to and a manifestation of raging hormones. Every teen falls in love over and over, composes love notes, writes their name using the guy's surname, and so on and on.

[champloo]

ok, now im confused....just read brandye's post, and she's telling me to tell someone who can help her...and now you are saying (im guessing) not to worry about it?

oy, what to do..

[dancingdoc2]

tell Someone.

[Jaysey]

Tell someone ASAP. Brandye's right--this is nothing to fool around with!

[WallyLlama]

Yep, if we're voting on this, I go with telling someone. As this thread proves, most 14 year olds are not yet equipped to manage some of the larger complexities of life and relationships.

"...but don't make my life a fright."

I think that means "Let me be a kid!" She probably needs an adult who can show her how to be that... one of life's challenges is learning how to be an adult before you are one... pretending to be an adult isn't the way to go, particularly when it involves dragging someone else along.

Might as well pretend you are a jet pilot and ask her to sit in the copilot's seat of a 747 and help you fly it. Doesn't matter how fast the plane goes, really. It's still gonna be stressful sitting in that seat.

I don't know how much more clearly she can tell you that she can't handle it.

"i wish to go back to where my life was smooth as silk."

So let her... and help her find someone who is capable of helping her.