Another sad story

[Alek]

Hi people. Beein in a situation like mine really hurts. As I was searching thing on google I found this site and though to express myself since I cant do it in reality and I despretly need to do this

It all started last year... I was talkin on MSN to a girl I didnt know, she seemd so nice, but for a year we only talked friendly, I had no intentions towards here.
One day I decided to call her our for a drink, she accepted.. and the moment I saw her I said "OMG she is great", pretty, charming, smart, all that I wanted from a girl.
Very soon we started a relation, which was goin fantastic, we met every day, it felt good, I didnt care for anything else - I was just happy that I got her nothing else was important for me, I couldnt count the hours until I had to see her again. This was all new to me, feelings I never had before, first girl I really loved ?!
She told me she had a boyfriend before me, it lasted only for a month...and it was nothing serious. Even though I had m doubts later when she didnt bleed after we had sex for the first time... she exlained that all women dont bleed, etc etc. I left that behind... I loved her !

As her parents were not aware of this, we couldn hang out more than 2 hours..so we decided to to tell them, she told them, and soon I was about to meet her dead just to let him know that we are hangin out and in some way I needed his permtion....(it may sound strange to must, but coming from balkan territory this is normal)

Since than...I always had this wierd feeling on me !
Coming from a known family, which is known and has a name in the region... I met a doughter of one simple man who to be honest isnt in the same rank as my family. I didnt tell her...I loved her !
Thing is I used to feel bad about this very often... than I went to their house to meet all family, first thing I asked my self "where did this girl come from ? how is this possible ?" I was in middle of some peole I never knew, and some people that I wasnt used to stay with, completly another rank.

I decided to close my eyes on that, telling myself that I love her and this doesnt have to do with us, yet I felt very bad about this.

Things got worse than we our parents decided to meet. My parents arent likes that make diffrence on people, they showed respect to them. But in those moments I was looking at my parents, and her parents... totally diffrent, yet her father is some kind of person that talks lots of silly things pretending to be someone, not showing the needed respect.

Now I see myself in disgusting situation, do I have to leave her bcz of her parents ? considering that if I decide to continue with her, I have to deal with those people in future...here is tradition that parents visit her doughter, and I should go to them etc etc. Parents should meet in times of parties, celebrations, or some other cases....I cant imagine myself in that situation !
I cant imagine my son callin her father 'grandpa' that hurts much.
I am so affraid that people will lose the respect for me because I havent chose a girl of my rank, I have this feeling they dont consider me as they did before.

Now...I find myself in a position where I cant rake up with her, and I cant continue anymore.
I cant leave her, because I know I would miss her, I know ill have difficulties to start with another girl, and I feel sorry for her !
I cant continue because if I do this relationship might get serious, and I dont feel that good anymore, im affraid ill start to dislike her everytime she would mention her family, or everytime we will have to meet them. I dont want this feeling, I want my FREE feeling back, but should I tell her "i need some space", she would notice something is wrong. And as we are both in a verge of exams, that would affect negatively in our grades.

My parents left a choise to me, they support me whatever I decide (but I notice that arent satisfied with my choise), but the problem is that im feeling wierd, I have a feeling of beein guilty, sorry, not loved, not respected.. all mixed up.


I know this will sound wierd to most of you, maybe stupid, but these things have to be considered here aswell.
Sometime I just wish I can take her and go far away, far from everybody, to some place we dont know anyone.

If you have read this until here, click a reply button and say something, your words would help me a lot.

thanks,
Alek

[Newtolove]

where are you exactly. how old are you two. it looks like you are more interested in rank than her

[Brandye]

You feel superior to her. Get over it and move on.

[dancingdoc2]

How petty and trite. I was only able to read about half of this before becoming exasperated. You really need a wake up call for what is important, what is not, and for how relationships are built.

This sounds for all the world like a soap opera in which the cast of characters are snobish status seekers. So what if your family has a name in the region, the topic of discussion is YOU! and what you have accomplished in life, plan to accomplish, are working toward accomplishing. It is about your character, your values, your outlook, your morality, your sense of values, your sense of humor, your ethics, your integrity, the things you and she have in common, the things that separate you yet can be negotiated into some common ground. It's about these things and more, none of which have to do with your parents, hers, or your respective families.

If you want to date someone, the new relationship is and should be about the two of you and what you can build--together, and, in partnership. A girl will latch on and hitch a ride with what she sees in you, not necessarily what she sees in your parents. You would do well to look at her parents as individuals and assess them on their individual merits, their humanity, their morality, their values, etc. That they may not be on the same rung of the social ladder as your parents is not important. What is is what rung you are on.

Over the years many people have overcome adversities and gone on to establish great wealth and/or success for themselves regardless of money. Just because your family has status does not mean that any of their children have or will. Riding on their coat tails will only take you so far on life, the rest is up to you. You need to go back further into your own family's tree and see where your parents, grand parents, great grandparents came from, and who married them and why.

If you like this girl, then consider her on her own merits, not her parents. You are not marrying them! Get real, man. If you want this girl or some one else down the road to marry you, then you need to not only get a life, you need to make it on your own. It is the social status that you earn and establish that is important, if indeed that really matters to anybody but you.

I particapate in a sport in which people of all ages and walks of life join in. There are doctors, lawyers, captains of industry, cab drivers, office workers, teachers, factory works, professionals, etc., et cetera, etc., and we are all on a first name basis, all have fun and enjoy each other's company as equals. Within the dance hall, status and any professional titles if any are shed at the front door, just as it is during periodic social gatherings at other times.

I would also like to know where you live and how old you are. Here in the "colonies" all men and women are equal (or should be by decree).

Darn, I though I would feel better having vented, yet after finishing this tirade, my blood pressure is still high...............

[dancingdoc2]

Delete duplicate post

[dancingdoc2]

> I was looking at my parents, and her parents... totally diffrent, yet her father is some kind of person that talks lots of silly things pretending to be someone, not showing the needed respect.

Oh! this post just continues to gall me.

A title or social standing or money or status within a group of people or community means different things to others. An M.D., or Ph.D. or having earned one or two Masters degrees shows an accomplishment and that a person stuck it out longer than someone else. Brains are only a part of that accomplishment. Having inherited a family fortune means less than if a man and/or woman went out and worked together to accumulate it. Having a position in the community is nice if you give back, not if you look down on the rest of the township from your lofty hilltop mansion.

"...not showing the needed respect"? Indeed. Respect is earned. Respect is not commanded or demanded as your words would seem to indicate.

Who are you pretending to be? For the sake of this discussion, let's assume that your parents made their contribution to the community over the years and earned their position and rung on the ladder. Fine. Now it is up to you to climb a similar ladder for yourself and the family you are or will soon be the head of. Many a family has spent years accumulating what you seem to value while others are still working on it. Do you look upon them with less esteme? My guess is that you do.

Alek, you really need to begin separating yourself from your family and start making your own mark on society and stop trying to ride in on the coat tailes of others. If you don't you'll be perceived by the commuity as just another poor little rich kid who is both laughed at and possibly viewed with contempt or disdain.

Until you get a grip on your position in life, get your own priorities in order, and learn what is and is not important, I would not date anyone.

[pozzolane]

I'll back up docs post with 100% Fervor. The only thing sad about your post is how you judge her according to your social status.