The ex- tell her i fooled around or keep it to myself?

[markme]

Hi,
My girlfriend and broke up 4 days ago after 8 months. I went out tonight, met a girl and brought her home. We started to fool around and i had to stop her before anything happened.
I felt so guilty, and just didn't want to...

I want my ex back and don't want to hide anything from her. I feel guilty like i should tell her, but will it make it worse?
So ladies, should i...

1. Not say anything when i talk to her tomorrow, since its non of her business now, or....

2. Say i came home with someone, and all we did was kiss and i felt so awfull that i stopped before anything happened and drove her home. (which is all true)


Nothing really happened, so its not big deal...but would it make it worse if i told her. I really want to be honest with her and tell her...but that could make it worse...

What should i do?

Hope this doesn't sound to dumb.

[adam]

I'm amazed you had to ask.

She's not your girlfriend. Don't tell her.

[SCAR]

i wouldn't tell her about the girl u brought home. is there any chance of winning her back? i don't know how helpful this is but have u read winning her back page?
http://www.sexinfo101.com/da_winherback.shtml

[batman527]

It's a sticky situation if you want your ex back. If that's the case, you can't keep the fact that you fooled around a little bit from her. However, you did stop, because you still felt it was wrong. That's probably a good thing in your ex's view. If you really want her back, you have to be totally honest.

[dancingdoc2]

> It's a sticky situation if you want your ex back.

Yes, this is a sticky situation. Here is my position on the matter.

> If that's the case, you can't keep the fact that you fooled around a little bit from her. If you really want her back, you have to be totally honest.

I respectfully disagree for two reasons. The first is a technical point: they broke up, so technically the relationship as it was no longer exists. They are free to date others and move on with life. Secondly, and the most important is the question "of what benefit is it for her to know"?

How you answer the question is distinctly separate from being "totally honest". "Honesty" is defined as not being deceptive or fradulent and displaying integrity. The question albeit a philosophical one precedes the action of being honest. More to the point is do "we" keep secrets? The answer to this brings us full circle and back to of what benefit is it to share that information.

In response to the concept that "there isn't anything you can't tell me" is the question, again, of what benefit is it for her to know.

> My girlfriend and broke up 4 days ago....

If you want your former girlfriend back then work on repairing the relationship and the source of the trouble that caused it to end. Let her know that you are making repairs and then let her observe the results. Next comes the test. You have to demonstrate for a period of time that there is a perminent change or fix. You cannot simply declare that "I'm working on it" or that "I know what is wrong and will fix it" and expect that she will return on faith. WRONG. If she is to renter the relationship it will be on different terms, so essentially it will be a new relationship with you and you had better have a track record that demonstrates a perminent correction. This may take several months of observing you before she will change her mind, so be prepared for this fact. This is where being totally honest comes into play.

[batman527]

You make solid points. However, if they do end up getting back together, this could be a situation that could end the relationship if he hides it from her. Now, we come full circle, as you point out, to the problem of keeping secrets. Speaking from experience, you never know when someone is going to accidentally blurt something that that exposes your secret, and then you're going to have a real Sh*t storm to sort out. Hell, the encounter I was trying to cover up was BEFORE we started dating at all, but because I tried to hide it, it caused a lot of pain to my GF.

So, my advice is to just head it off to be upfront. I'm not exactly saying that you should go looking for a chance to bring it up, but if you get back together, I think she deserves to know. That stands even if you're technically "free". The benefit is that you don't have to keep a secret from someone you're supposed to be able to trust.

[Maribelle]

IME, there's no reason to tell her, but there's also every reason in the world not to make up a cover story ... aka. LIE -- if she asks, tell her exactly what you told us, but I personally would not want to know until/unless I specifical ask how you spent your time then, & with who *SHRUG*

[ua322]

Originally Posted by Maribelle

IME, there's no reason to tell her, but there's also every reason in the world not to make up a cover story ... aka. LIE -- if she asks, tell her exactly what you told us, but I personally would not want to know until/unless I specifical ask how you spent your time then, & with who *SHRUG*

Agreed. Don't lie, but don't offer up the info.

[SCAR]

i agree. what happened on the break stays on the break.