Leaving For College

[AGuyAtADesk]

Sorry if this ends up being really long.

I've been dating a girl for 4 months now. She's 18 and I'm 17. She is graduating in a few weeks. I"ll have another year of high school left. As long as I've known her, her plan was to go to Denver Metro(20-30 minutes away) for several years. Until recently she recieved a partial scholarship to Fort Hayes(+3 hours away) in Kansas.

We've only briefly discussed what we would do if she were to go away to Kansas for college after the summer. I think we've succcessfully deduced our options to a few different things. One, she goes to Metro and it would be relatively easy for us to stay together(She would be living at home, close to 10 minutes from mine). Two, she goes to Fort Hayes and we attempt a long-distance type relationship where, realistically we would be seeing each other close to once a month, on average. Or three, she goes to Fort Hayes and we end our relationship to avoid whatever unhappiness or dissatisfaction may ensue.

As I write this I see my own opinion forming about what I'd like to do but I suppose I'm looking for some advice, insight or previous experience to help us out. Anything ya'll have to say would be great.Thanks.

[adam]

One of my top rules in life is the following:

Never do anything because of a girl.

Let's face it, the statistics are against you and your girlfriend getting married. If your girlfriend becomes dissatisfied with the relationship, she will absolutely despise you, because she could have gone to a different university and saved a bunch of money on a scholarship. And if you do stay together? Well, you'll have beaten the odds, but is that really worth the risk?

And on top of that, what university are you likely to go to? Is one more year of staying together and your girlfriend going to the (potentially) wrong university going to be worth it if you go god-knows-where after another year? I would say that it isn't, but I'm not you.

I would tell your girlfriend to choose the university without you in the picture. It is the only way to secure her happiness with her choice, and your relationship is more likely to succeed if she's happy with what she's done. If she wants to go to the local uni with or without you, then that's good for the relationship. If she needs the scholarship money, then your relationship is facing a challenge. And then you'll have to ask yourselves if you really do trust each other enough for a long-distance relationship, and whether or not you have the patience to make it work.

That said, I do sympathise a lot with your situation. I'm heading off to university in five months (hopefully 3 hours away), and it is a real hindrance to starting relationships. If I were to get into a relationship with serious potential, I wouldn't want to have a long-distance relationship, but I wouldn't want to lose the girl. Quite a pickle.