GF: "We probably won't even be together for a year"

[Jay Bee]

What does this mean?

We've been together for about 3 months and things are great, but she has said this (or something similar) a few times.

She also says a lot of really positive things about the relationship. But out of nowhere she'll say this and I'll ask her why, she'll say "I don't know, you'll probably get sick of me after awhile"...

How am I supposed to respond to this, and why is she saying it?

[Brandye]

She is hedging her bets. Probably had some painful experiences so does not want to commit fully. If you are not in a marrying mood and both in your teens, she is a realist; if you are in your thirties, she is making a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Jay Bee]

Originally Posted by Brandye

She is hedging her bets. Probably had some painful experiences so does not want to commit fully. If you are not in a marrying mood and both in your teens, she is a realist; if you are in your thirties, she is making a self-fulfilling prophecy.

She has, we are both 24 and both wouldn't mind getting married at this point in our lives... not necessarily to eachother (maybe though, after a while). We kind of 'hint' at things like this because we both know it's too early in our relationship. But it's obvious to both of us. That's why it's weird when she says things like this out of nowhere, after saying "I really like you for this reason and that reason" "I love you" etc...

Maybe she wants reassurance?

[champloo]

ive heard the petty version from this girl of mine ive been dealing with.

always saying i dont love her, and how could i love her? how hideus (spelling is wrong, i know) she is and how i could ever love a girl like her.

and then shell tell me like 5 min later (or before, or both) how much she loves me, and if i tell her i love her how much she loves me back.

sounds like she is reacting to a scar from childhood or something, where people have said things to her like "your ugly" and things, and its taking its toll.

i know thats what it is for the girl, alot of guys and girls think she is not exactly good looking.

but i think she is beautiful in every single way.

same might be for your girl, i dunno, but i wish you the best of luck.

and hey, isnt she going away in a couple of months? maybe she is hinting at something?

[ShadesRuda]

I've been guilty of this.
That's protecting her heart.

I used to tell Michael "are you sure you want to marry me?" even though he's already planned out the proposal and our life together is established.

She wants reassurance. She's also looking for any response that may lead her to believe it's not going to last. She wants to protect herself. If she's like me, she wants to be realistic and keep pinching herself instead of believing she's living a dream.

[wifey]

i think she is trying to be cool and not get too emotionally involved in your relationship yet. two reasons as to why i think she actually voices her thoughts are:
1) to see you reaction;
2) to keep herself grounded (it's easy to let our feelings get a little too serious especially if the relationship we are in is going really well)

i would say she is looking for an honest answer as to where you think your relationship is going and whether you are investing your heart into it or just having a little bit of fun.

i asked an ex of mine a similar question some time back. he gave me a speech on how important i was to him, how special our relationship was etc, only to get caught with another girl a week later. i was annoyed because if he'd told me that we were taking it easy it wouldn't have hurt as much as it did. so the best advice i can give is don't offer her any reassurances if you don't believe them yourself, be honest with her on whether you feel that your relationship has moved on beyond "the having fun" stage.

[Jay Bee]

Originally Posted by champloo

ive heard the petty version from this girl of mine ive been dealing with.

always saying i dont love her, and how could i love her? how hideus (spelling is wrong, i know) she is and how i could ever love a girl like her.

and then shell tell me like 5 min later (or before, or both) how much she loves me, and if i tell her i love her how much she loves me back.

sounds like she is reacting to a scar from childhood or something, where people have said things to her like "your ugly" and things, and its taking its toll.

i know thats what it is for the girl, alot of guys and girls think she is not exactly good looking.

but i think she is beautiful in every single way.

same might be for your girl, i dunno, but i wish you the best of luck.

and hey, isnt she going away in a couple of months? maybe she is hinting at something?

Similar yeah, but she's really beautiful, and not just to me. She does roll her eyes and tell me "you're just saying that because it's me" when I tell her. Yeah she is going away in a couple of months, but now she's only going for a few weeks.

[ShadesRuda]

Originally Posted by Jay Bee

Similar yeah, but she's really beautiful, and not just to me. She does roll her eyes and tell me "you're just saying that because it's me" when I tell her.

That's a common "female" thing.
You're not alone
My boss complemented me (nothing sexual) the other day and I thanked him, his response was "at least you take a complement. I've been married for three years and my wife won't."

It took me months to get over that one. Now I just take the complement. It may take her a while to get there too.

[Jay Bee]

Originally Posted by ShadesRuda

I've been guilty of this.
That's protecting her heart.

I used to tell Michael "are you sure you want to marry me?" even though he's already planned out the proposal and our life together is established.

She wants reassurance. She's also looking for any response that may lead her to believe it's not going to last. She wants to protect herself. If she's like me, she wants to be realistic and keep pinching herself instead of believing she's living a dream.

I hope that's the case, that sounds good to me, and pretty similar to how she's acting.

[Jay Bee]

Originally Posted by wifey

i think she is trying to be cool and not get too emotionally involved in your relationship yet. two reasons as to why i think she actually voices her thoughts are:
1) to see you reaction;
2) to keep herself grounded (it's easy to let our feelings get a little too serious especially if the relationship we are in is going really well)

i would say she is looking for an honest answer as to where you think your relationship is going and whether you are investing your heart into it or just having a little bit of fun.

i asked an ex of mine a similar question some time back. he gave me a speech on how important i was to him, how special our relationship was etc, only to get caught with another girl a week later. i was annoyed because if he'd told me that we were taking it easy it wouldn't have hurt as much as it did. so the best advice i can give is don't offer her any reassurances if you don't believe them yourself, be honest with her on whether you feel that your relationship has moved on beyond "the having fun" stage.

Sorry about what happened to you, I don't know why some people are like that.

I don't tell her flat out "I want to be with you forever" or anything similar... I just say something like "I don't know, I don't see any reason why we wouldn't be together for a year, or longer". I've already told her I'm not looking for a girl/different girls just to have fun with. I'm looking for someone to be with for a long time, she sounded surprised for some reason.

She is definitely trying to be cool (although I tell her she's trying to be 'hard' and she really doesn't have to). She always goes out of her way to let me know that certain things happening between us don't have a big effect on her life. Ex: I don't remember how we got to the subject but she said that if I was ever to see another girl while I was with her she would break up with me (something I would never do), and it wouldn't bother her one bit. Or if we ever broke up for whatever reason then she wouldn't really care... after a little bit of prodding/coaxing she'll finally tell me how she actually feels, that she would care, that she would be really upset etc..

I usually have to work pretty hard to get her to tell me how she's really feeling.