Dating a guy's cousin

[adam]

Hey everyone.

For those of you who have never heard about the Man's Code, do a google search. Any of the lists you find are well worth the read.

Anyways, high up on the man's code is that a guy's sister is off limits. That I can understand. If any of my guy friends started dating my sister, they would no longer be my friend. Most likely because my sister is three years younger than I am and I wouldn't trust anyone as far as I could throw them.

But, what about a guy's cousin? It obviously isn't as close as a sister, but it's still family, and that would make for a lot of awkwardness. While it's not uncommon for guys to discuss their girlfriends (usually in the context of telling him that he can do better than a girl who has a history of cheating and us laughing our asses off at said individual), discussing your girlfriend who happens to be the cousin of the guy next to you is just plain wrong. Well, scratch that, I'm not the kind of guy that likes talking about his personal life, so I wouldn't even discuss the goings-on of any of my relationships with other people.

But even barring any discussion of the matter, it's still awkward. You're dating his freakin' cousin, and while I would have been reluctant to say anything about my relationship with anyone beforehand, it now becomes ten times worse. Before, a conversation could have gone...

X: So, you doing anything this weekend?
Y: Yeah, I'm going to a cool jazz club with Z tonight.

Now, it becomes:

X: So, you doing anything this weekend?
Y: Yeah, I'm going to a cool jazz club with your cousin.

And as we can all imagine, that's the sort of thing you just don't do.

Now, approaching this from a purely rational point of view, if a friend of mine started dating a cousin, I could easily live with it, provided that I was not privy to any displays of affection. But when the inevitable breakup comes, you're left in a rather rough spot. Your cousin is your cousin, but your friend is your friend. Breakups generally aren't sunshine and lollipops for either party involved, and all bits of rationality leave the minds of people, and you get used as a nice pipeline for information flowing between the two. And then there eventually comes a point at which a cousin is now a friend's (possibly vicious/psycho?) ex, and vice versa.

So, for your responses, I'm looking for:

-whether or not it is okay to date a guy's cousin, and any exceptional circumstances
-suggested etiquette to get around the inevitable awkwardness

I only ask because this kind of applies to me, but the cousin thing is way down there on the list of things to think about. I'm just curious. If any of you have any experiences about situations like this, I'd be glad to hear them.

[rockerton]

you can date whoever wants to date you.
and you shouldnt try to avoid the awkwardness, take it head on or it can lead to more problems.

[naughtylilthang]

I can see your dilemma, but I have to agree with Rockerton. It's not your choice if they should or shouldn't date. Just take it as it is, their "relationship".

[champloo]

yea.

i dont think a cousin would be closer than a sister though, so if anything, if the guy got mad, it shouldnt matter much.

unless he is really close to his cousins...

[pozzolane]

Most of the "Guys Code" are crap. It's not meant to be taken seriously and is purely for entertainment. If my best friend liked my sister I would have no problems with him dating her. As long as my friendship didn't suffer because of it any more than it might normally with any other girl. Date who you want as long as its not your own sister or cousin...Thats just wrong on any level.

Will someone please explain to me why their friends can't date their sisters!? I seriously challenge anyone to come up with a thoughtfull, valid argument to as why your friends should never ever date your close family.

[champloo]

just imagine your little sister getting banged by your friend.

that says it all for me, having a little sister and all...

[pozzolane]

champloo:

"just imagine your little sister getting banged by your friend. that says it all for me, having a little sister and all... "

This is a sweeping generalization!

This is neither thoughtful, nor is it valid. And unfortunately, I think too many people feel this same emotion towards this topic. Just think: "every girl is someones sister/cousin/friend". Does this mean that you will not befriend her friends or you do not want her to befriend yours? Mutual exclusion from families? Is this where its going? (I'm aware of the irony in the slipery slope of my argument)

In my challenge I said arguments were to be valid. Anyone care to try again?

[champloo]

yes i know what you mean man.

but its the thought of one of my friends banging my sister, and then grinning and bragging about it, thats what comes to mind.

sure, if the guy meant the love and she loved him back, sure. my good friend soon becomes by brother in law.

im just thinking of one of those situations where a girl gets taken home by a guy she just met from the club at 3 AM, who only wants her for some after-hour athletics.


i personally wouldnt care if one of my friends went out/had sex with my sister, its just that re-occuring thought i mentioned earlier.

[pozzolane]

Sure I understand where you, and many others come from (including my best friend). It's a natural instinct of protecting what you care about. However, my point is, to act on this all the time would be rediculous.

At some point your sister/cousin/friend/mother etc... will date a guy you think is a cool guy, and you will probably befriend him. And of course you're not going to want to hear details about their sex life because they're family. But this should not make someone compelled to outright resist or protest that relationship. To protest something that is natural seems a little more sideways to me than a friend dating my sister. And if your friend is bragging to you or others about "nailing your sister" in an inappropriate and disrespectful way...why are you friends with him?

[moose_hd]

All I can say is that I'm glad my sister is far too young to be date-material for any of my friends.