What do Guys want?

[newtodating]

Hi everyone

I am a 19 year old and I am pretty well completely new to the dating game. So here's the story; i met this really nice guy on the internet from my city (i know, not the best way to meet someone) and he seemed like a very nice, sophisticated, mature 21 year old and I totally fell for him. The thing is, he moves so fast! I am a shy person and not previously sexually active so I really did not know what to make of the "phyisical" part of our relationship so i decided to let him take the lead. However, on our second meeting we preceeded to his place and basically had sex. I was okay with this because out first meeting went so well and I thought that perhaps, this is what people of this age do so what the hey? We saw each other again after a few days, again retreating to the bedroom and then there was a two-week lull. I had exams, he had exams and we just couldn't seem to get together. We have seen each other now... again retreating to the bedroom... is this normal? Do guys feel that they have to live-it-up and impress in the bedroom or is this completely characteristic of a guy who is using me? There is no tension between us what-so-ever and we seem to be rather close; however, communication is limited yet open as we discuss pretty well everything. I am very confused to even if we are considered to be gf/bf because the "talk" was never implicated.... any help on this topic of figuring out what men are all about would be much appreciated...

[moose_hd]

Um ... my impression is that he is using you for sex. I've asked numerous women and it seems that this kind of guy is sadly all too common on many online dating sites.

As to 'what guys want,' the truth is that we are a diverse group. While we're hard wired to want sex, there is so much more and if the guy is in touch with himself, what he wants from a partner in a relationship can be very complex and individualistic.

Also, I hope you will learn to rely on your own feelings and values as to what is right or wrong as opposed to just assuming that people do things a certain way and using that to justify yourself in not asserting your rights as an individual. Only you know what is appropriate for yourself.

[dancingdoc2]

Men may lead or apply the throttle, however, women apply the brakes.

This relationship is getting off to a very bad start. Noone who expects to have a lasting relationship should sexualize it so early. What is left to discover? In my never to be so humble opinion a couple should date for several months before getting to the point you arrived at in days. This time should be spent learning and discovering and finding out just how compatible the two of you are and if there is a spark there that can be kindled into love and romance with sex as an expression of that love. Now, this is not to say that I am against fooling around, no, although, I think this should have limits that keep the genitals out of the equation for a long time.

Regardless of how fast fast is, if it is faster than you or someone else in your situation is comfortable with then it is too fast and it is up to you to apply the brakes and set limits. It is also your perogative to extend any limits in the future. You will be respected more for doing this than for giving yourself away so eagerly and freely. Your actions are what bring younger girls so much grief. Boys talk among themselves and reputations suffer and a girls behavior is spread all around school.

All your questions, particularly about whether you are bf/gf should have been well established before sex. Boys and some young men will take advantage and say anything to get their rocks off. This is what many young guys are all about; manipulation to satisfy an itch. Is this true in your situation? I don't know, and it is too soon for you to tell. Had you waited to sexualize your relationship you would have known beforehand and the experience would be more meaningful.

To be shy is not necessarily a handicap or a bad thing, yet it should not be an excuse for throwing caution to the wind and compromising morals Were I to mentor you, it would be for you to grab the proverbial bull by his horns and put the proverbial cart behind him. It isn't too late. The two of you need to discover each other emotionally before physically. Character, likes, dislikes, and every other aspect of what makes each of you you should be explored before jumping into bed and going as far as you seem to have gone. Now, or in the future with someone else, you need to build a good solid foundation for your budding relationship so sex beyond the fooling around stage has more meaning.