a quick question or two..

[champloo]

ok. im fourteen (for those who havent seen me announce that in the forums) and i am madly in love, well, i believe so. but, if i tell my girlfriend that i love her (which i really do) she will then reply with something like, "no, you dont."

i dont like that. it makes me feel a little bad when she tells me i dont love her, because of things that it reminds me of from last year at school.

then today, i tell her i love her again, and she tells me..:

"you are too young to love, you dont even know what love is."

that hurt. alot. she doesnt know it, but it hindered me. even though it did, she was right, im not sure what love is.

but could someone tell me if i am in love..? i have experienced symptoms whenever i talk about her,see her, or think about her. they include:

• I feel queesy sometimes (like now) when i think about her.
• today before school was over, i got a little sick because i didnt know what would happen after school.
• when i try to go to sleep at night, i have trouble sleeping because i cant get her out of my mind.
• ive began to lose my appetite a little, and now only eat when im seriously hungry, and that is because i want to be with her (in her presence)
• when im showering or alone, i tend to think of poems about her. (never told anyone, but i write poems sometimes, and all i wrote was to her.)
• talking with her almost always gets me an erection, even if we are talking about homework or something.
• i get slightly nervous and 'high' at the scent of her hair, and if someone uses the same shampoo/detergent (what ever it is), i instantly think about her, if i havent been thinking about her already.
• when ever i get a poem from her, i tend to sniff them, because she leaves her scent on the paper. (im not stalking her, theres just something about the scent...)
• when i hug or kiss her, i tend to have fireworks in my head.

so tell me, am i in love, or am i just very into her?

another question, is that when i asked her if she loved me, she replied with, "what kind of love?" what would she mean? she listed a few "types" like "friendly love" and "marry me and have my kids" love, but im not sure about all of this.

[southern_guy]

you have a crush, which is normal for 14. is she your first g/f? if so, then all of this is normal. i felt the same way when i was 14, 8th or 9th grade right? me and my first girlfriend still keep in touch, even though we are both married to other people. take things slow, what you are experiencing is ALL ABOUT GROWING UP!!!!

[champloo]

alright. yes, weve been going out for the past few months.

8th grade, almost 9th grade.

you sure feeling like that is apart of life? ive never felt soo (weird?) before...

ive been with other girls before, but there was no feeling towards them like i feel for her...and then she does reply with "i love you too" sometimes, which makes me feel different...

thanks for your input

[batman527]

Ah yes champ. The wonders of having a crush... Don't feel like anything you described up there is abnormal. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and three months now, and I still have all the same feeling and do all the things you do. Who knows if it's "true love"? That's for each person to decide. I would say that you're at the young end of the spectrum for such strong emotions, but who am I to judge?

I can tell you that my first girlfriend told me that she loved me before I was ready to say it back. I never got to that point with her, or anyone else for that matter until my current girlfriend. I was already 20 before I could say "I love you" and mean it. There's no denying that what you feel for her is very real and powerful, but maybe she's just not there yet. I'm sure it's nothing against you, she's probably very into you, I mean, she's dating you right? Maybe she's just ready to be in love with anyone.

If I were you, I would try to not read too much into it, and I'd probably also back off of saying it. I'm sure she's still happy to be dating you, and you're obviously happy to be dating her, so just enjoy being with each other. Also, if you keep telling her that you love her, and she doesn't reciprocate it, you may drive her away. I know that's what eventually happened with my first GF. It's what ended our relationship. She wouldn't back off, and eveytime she said it, I got more and more fed up. I don't mean to scare you, I'm just trying to say, play it cool. After all, you're in 8th grade, dude. Have a blast being with her, and do everything you can to make her happy. If you put her before yourself, *and you don't let her take advantage of that*, and she does the same, you two will be good to go. Later Champ.

*edit* and with respect to the "kind of love" question: Here's the deal, there are different types of love. I love my roommates, I love my family, and I love my girlfriend in three completely different ways. That's just the way that it works. What she's doing, however, by asking you what kind of love you mean when you say "I love you", she's trying to tap-dance her way around and out of a sticky and uncomfortable subject for her. You can't really blame her, she's just trying to find a way to tell you that she's not "in love with you" in the sense that you mean it, at least not right now. She's also trying to get out of the situation without saying, "no, I don't love you". This is a good sign, because she's trying to not hurt you. Why would she try not to hurt you? Because she likes you and doesn't want to screw up what the two of you have going. So take heart, Champ.

[champloo]

aight thanks...

just want to say that she tells me she loves me near everyday, and that its only sometimes she decides to say "no you dont" instead of "i love you too".

she tends to say "no you dont" when we are in a middle of a conversation on the phone, but "i love you too" at the end.


id just like to note that now, she is saying we have "puppy love". i asked her what she meant..and she goes

"trust me, i know what i am talking about." and then when i asked her how she felt about me she goes "puppy love" matter of factly.

i ask her how long she plans on this "puppy love" to last, and she replies with "until we are in college" and then i ask, "whats next?"

she replies with "then it becomes something real".

dont get me wrong, i love her sooo much, and i want to be with her for as long as i live, but what the hell is puppy love?!

[pozzolane]

She says "no you don't" but returns it at the end of the conversation? Maybe shes a little insecure? Maybe she likes hearing you say it as much you like hearing it from her? But maybe she's worried that you're saying it for some other reason? Just some questions I thought I'd pose... Yeah at age of 14 and only having been seeing each other for a few months I wouldn't say you're experiencing true love. Well I won't deny its a possibility but the possibility is very small. Just have fun and enjoy your youth mate. Relax a little. take it a bit slower maybe.

[champloo]

lol..

she claims its puppy love, and that i truly dont love her..

[adam]

Let me back up every other guy here by saying that thinking you're in love is 100% normal. I am ashamed to admit it, but I once thought I was in love at the same age you are. With a girl I barely knew. Or saw. At all.

Although I know deny that I actually "loved" her, I would have bet my life at the time that I was really, truly in love with this person.

And I know that this is hard to hear. It's hard to hear older people telling you that you're just a foolish kid and still have a lot of growing up to do. But that's the truth. Don't be afraid of pursuing the relationship or letting the girl know that you like her, but also keep everything in context: you are 14 years old and still have a lot of life left to live. Every male is retarded until the age of 18. After that, we graduate to stupid. It is the natural order of things and cannot be stopped. We all have the right to be idiots in our youth and learn lessons that only be learned the hard way. Such is life.

P.S. Although this probably hurts more to hear, your girlfriend is taking herself way too seriously, and kind of comes across as a know-it-all. I think that's what girls do at that age, take everything far too seriously. I remember overhearing conversations between girls along the lines of, "If I were trapped in the school with so-and-so and were going to die and could only bring 3 things, I'd bring 3 boxes of condoms." Nevermind the fact that condoms would be useless if you were going to die in a few days, that seems to be the natural course of things.

[champloo]

alright i hear you...i see her everyday, and i know her pretty well.

no, its not hard at all, to be 100% honest. its just...

i dont cry. really, i only have cried when she almost broke up with me, for something she should have broke up with me for. and now..*sniff*..im crying after talking with her just now...no bad things except more "no you dont's" and reasons why.

honestly, im crying my eyes out right now because she tells me that i dont love her, but i must feel something, you know? she heard me crying, starts trying to comfort me, since it is 11 pm here she has to go, i have to go, she stays with me on the phone a little longer, i burst into more tears, and its amazing.

i didnt even cry when my own father died 3 weeks ago, and here i am, crying my ever-living eyes out for this girl that i cant get out of my head for two seconds.

[batman527]

well Champ, we've opened up a whole new can of worms here, as usually happens as you get deeper and deeper into relationships. Your first problem, and I say this in a jokingly truthful manner, is this: you're dating an eighth grade girl. Your second problem, you're an eighth grade guy. You're also an eighth grade guy that's had to deal with A LOT emotionally over the past month. Maybe some of the emotions you're going through now are things that manifested with the passing of your dad, and are just coming to the surface now. Who knows, the human psyche is one hell of a complicated contraption.

Just know that with time, you will mature, she will mature, the rest of the world will mature, and things will change. You obviously have very real feelings for this girl, that's awesome! She can't tell you that you don't love her, cause frankly, she just couldn't know. If you think you love her, then you love her, no matter how permantent or not-permanent that situation is. It's ok that she's not able to say "I love you" back. Hell, I had to beg my GF to go out with me for a whole month before she finally allowed me to start calling her my girlfriend. (this is a whole different topic, becuase in that month, and the month before it, we spent every day together, and had our sexual life off to a pretty fast start, but I digress...) Point is, you're at an OK place in your relationship. You're in love with a girl, and you're dating her. Can't ask for too much more. The return will come with time. Stay cool, Champ.